To think it's going to be a long 10 months hearing about this wedding

Haha imaginerycat - I knew someone was going to say that. I am sadly not the bride and won’t be for the foreseeable 😂

Let her and help her enjoy it.

No one shared in my wedding enthusiasm and I ended up hating the day (I can't even listen to the song we walked down the aisle to now) as the planning and negative comments really took it's toll.

I just wanted it over with by the time the day came and when it was finished I just went to the hotel room and went to bed. I was utterly tired and miserable.

She's paid for us

I now hope you are being tongue in cheek as here is a bride who has actually paid for people to attend her hen do - it should be the guests clubbing together to pay for the hen.

I'm with @Blonde87

Has she got a Mum to help her. Perhaps tell her that her Mum would surely have been looking forward to all this planning

I would buy her a subscription to a magazine and send her a gift message or hand it to her in person with a gift card stating you have bought her a 6 month subscription to a wedding magazine to help her with all the ideas she could possibly hope for and really looking forward to hearing the date of the hen-do and the bridesmaid dress fitting dates. That you are sure she has been dreaming of this day for s long time and can’t wait to attend on the day.
Then just apologise and say you are chocca block at the moment with work and family commitments but will be lovely for you to go out for a girls night out very soon to help her let her hair down so she isn’t thinking of weddings all the time.

Save your sanity OP and your friendship when she emerges the other side of being a Bridezilla.

Why does wedding planning take up so much time? Once everything is booked that's it isn't it?

I don't recall people going on and on about weddings years ago - they just got married with family and friends around them usually very soon after they became engaged.
Many weddings have now become like massive stage productions and huge sources of stress for everybody involved - not to mention the absurd levels of expendture.
I've been bored rigid listening to endless wedding arrangements by workmates and neighbours - it's a bit like being talked through someone else's holiday snaps! Of course I listen politely and smile, but it fasts becomes the only conversation involved with the person. I've had my eyes on stalks listening to 'rules' about what guests can wear (often in mumsnet, and the palaver about who to invite).
Ironic that many modern marriages don't seem to last very long - maybe more thought going into the wedding, rather than the implications of marriage.
Of course it's nice to see excited brides to be - but expecting others on the perifery to be engrossed and excited week in week out is a bit of a big ask.

YANBU. Whatever the subject it gets a bit monotonous in the end when its all someone goes on about. It might be exciting for her but Very few others give a shit and They don't have to.
I remember when my now ex friend was pregnant. Youd think she was the only women past or present to ever be pregnant. Oh and There were no fertility issues. It was what you call an happy accident

Mumsnet is weird. In real life every wedding that I’ve been to has been organised predominately by two people - the bride and the groom.

The idea that wedding planning is a group activity undertaken by a group of females led by the bride and including her friends, her mum, maybe her future mother in law etc is bizarre. And with my feminist antennae on seems to feed into an idea of women taking on a disproportionate amount of unpaid labour

When I got engaged the obvious person to plan my wedding with was the person I was acually getting married to. (With the exception of a couple of hours wedding dress shopping with my mum!)

"Many weddings have now become like massive stage productions and huge sources of stress for everybody involved - not to mention the absurd levels of expendture."

So true Stone

Oh OP. This sounds awful precisely because she does sound lovely - just obsessed.

she is quite insecure and the relationship has been rocky at times so maybe this is her way of coping?

Think you've hit the nail on the head, sadly. I also suspect they'll split up before then because he may find her going on about it makes it all much, much too real. I could be totally off beam, of course, but I knew another couple who had a band-aid wedding planned, with the bride going nuts in the same way, and that was what happened.

I'd encourage her to leave as much planning for details (post box, tiara etc) till later on, or what will she have fun with nearer the time? That's all stuff you can buy in the month prior. Sounds better than, "so you can cut your losses if it all goes tits up."

It sounds awful OP and you're a better woman than me if you can keep your patience through all of this - I'd rather chew my own arm off than feign an interest in any of this shit

Could you not gently hint to her that the frippery details are just that?

I’m bemused as to why she can’t make any decision by herself, or with the groom because it’s his wedding too after all?! Maybe gently mention a few times that she’s got great taste and should just go with her heart to try and build her confidence so she doesn’t keep asking you?

This would drive me mad, I didn’t even care about some of this stuff for my own wedding.

If your friend is having so much trouble and stress about making decisions for her wedding thi k I would be telling her best to just have a registry affair with only the necessary people attending then go off on holiday for a week to somewhere the couple have enjoyed before.g ve

Oh dear some do appear to be obsessed with the wedding day. Yet many marriages (for lots of different reasons) don't last long afterwards. Perhaps more effort spent on the actual marriage rather than spending so much effort on the 'show' that is the day.

When OH and I got married 37 years ago OH had no input at all. My parents paid for the wedding, and all he had to do was turn up. Even if we were getting married today all he would be interested in is turning up. I doubt very much that most bridegrooms would be interested in the finer details of a wedding (just like most guests really).

Actually I lie. OH would want to choose the wine

Oh god, I feel your pain. I had a full 12 months of it. Constant count downs on social media, all she talked about was the wedding and hen do. I wasn't even a bridesmaid just a normal guest! The wedding was yesterday, as I was leaving in a taxi at 11pm, she rolled her eyes and said oh you are leaving aswell. Yes!! Yes I am! I have been here since 11.30am and I am bloody knackered! Was a lovely day though. Glad it's done now though.

Could you just say, “That one’s lovely” to everything she shows you?

After a couple of months she might start to notice you’re not as obsessed as she is

My husband had nothing to do with the planning of our wedding. The finer details just went completely over his head. Perhaps her HTB is the same and she has no one to share her excitement with. Perhaps that is all she is looking for. Someone to get as excited as she is or a maybe she's feeling utterly lost and drowing in wedding planning and its her way of asking for help without saying that she's struggling. Or she might be a complete bridezilla and a bit OTT. You never know. Bow out of a few meet up, go to a few.

Op I'm with you 100%...almost posted a thread of my own several times as I thought it was just me.

My friend is getting married and has told me I'm bridesmaid...not asked...told! Since then ive been added to several different WhatsApp groups about the wedding, which apparently is going to be 'low key and chilled'.

So far the demands have been meet ups mid week every week for drinks and dinner with all the bms and a few extra of her friends right the way up until the wedding in June, pretend dress shopping (shes buying hers online so it's all so she can have the 'experience') which she "expects" us all to attend, extra weekend meet ups with usually less than 24 hrs notice to discuss the finer details (her hair/veil/table centerpieces/food) we're also expected to attend an event put on by the venue to discuss menus and drinks etc.

Several people havent been able to attend these 'meet ups' due to work and other commitments, and shes raging and threatening to demote them from their position and said "its them who will miss out on HER special day and regret their behaviour afterwards" Their loss apparently.

Shes told us off for speaking about our children during the meet ups, I've been told I'm not allowed to cut my hair unless I can guarantee itll grow back in time for wedding, and has now decided I'm paying for my own bm dress (that she's chosen), shoes, make up and hair which is compulsory. We also are expected to stay the night before the wedding with her despite me having young children to get ready the following day.

Honestly theres so much more...she just harps on so much about how shes not a bridezilla but she just doesnt see it. Shes so obsessed with her day she cant see the wood for the trees.

I'm distancing myself as much as possible at the moment as I've started receiving phone calls every morning at 7am...every pissing morning I don't want to fall out with her but I can't bear much more.

Anyway sorry to hi jack your thread but wanted you to know you're not alone to not be excited over the entire day. For me I just want to see my friend walk down the aisle and have a beautiful day. Hang on in there

This is a bit much! Although, I get that she is excited!!!

To be honest i never asked for my bridesmaid’s advice on anything wedding related and they never asked me how the plans were going either! I didn’t care as i am very good at planning and making my own decisions

@offred2 i am so glad you have said this... that it is the bride & groom who should organise and plan a wedding! My mother actually said to me and i quote ‘ weddings are planned by the bride’s mother’ as that is what happened when she got married! let’s just say we had a lot of fallings out :(

@MissesBloom you definitely need your own thread, bloody hell! That is insane.