To think it's going to be a long 10 months hearing about this wedding

Sympathies, OP. My colleague has just got married and I am heartily sick of it. None of us in the (pretty close and long-standing) team were invited to her extravaganza, despite having to listen to terribly, terribly busy she was and exhausted with organising it all (no, she hasn’t got kids ). She and new hubby went on a “mini-moon” so we’ve got the actual honeymoon still to look forward to.

Chuh. At least you're a bridesmaid and supposed to be involved!

The bridezilla in my life sent me a five page WhatsApp rant about people not getting on board with her wedding plans for the food, the photos, the car, the dress, the hair, the rings... All ending with 'I just want to do wedding planning without it all ending in tears'... Two weeks after she got engaged!

Then she made snippy comments about "having to" have a honeymoon in the same place I'm going to, and after saying she didn't want a hen do at all, is letting her bridesmaids plan one abroad.

Coming to AIBU in 2019, my thread about beating her to death with a fascinator.

You need to tackle this festers into real irritation that could damage your friendship (assuming before she became bridezilla things were ok, that is). This level of over investment from her is a potential friendship killer!

There’s not really a way of prettying it up very much, perhaps just say “obviously I’m really excited to be part of your big day and want to be helpful to you but I really can’t spend so much of my free time on it when it’s still so far away. I’m sure you’d rather have DP involved in most of these decisions anyway. Really looking forward to getting more involved next year”

I dunno, that doesn’t read terribly well, but I’d have to say it myself!

Op I feel your pain. Recently bm for one of my best friends and boy am I glad it's over. I would say there is a void in my life now but luckily I have the bm reunion to look forward to, which was being mooted before the hen was even over. Dear god I wish I was joking.

She is mistaking bridesmaids for a paid wedding planner. I think you should stage an inteven-bride-tion. She is not Churchill in the cabinet war rooms, you do not need to meet every month. Can you have a word, we know you are excited but it's unrelasitic to expect people to be excited about colours and posts boxes. Perhaps have a couple of meet ups to discuss the wedding nearer the time. Then suggest a group activity like a cinema trip, bowling, theatre etc., that is less about her wedding talk and more inclusive.

What is the post box for???

Reply:

“OMG I’d LOVE to come on your honeymoon! So excited, deffo up for planning. How about Bora Bora? See you Saturday for nibbles!”

Candle makes a very good point about tackling the issue by the way. Sadly I think our bridezilla bride has irreparably damaged one of her longest standing friendships thanks to her behaviour.

Yarn's response for the win

@Volant

"Weird her out. Get so involved in plans for the honeymoon that you and the other bridesmaids get involved in drawing up charts showing precisely when, how and how often they consummate the marriage, with a poll on the type of condoms/lubricants to be used"

😂😂 Yes! Get weird! Have a comp with the other BM

I don't get people like this, don't they have any opinions of their own?
I chose things that my fiancé and I liked for our wedding. I considered other people's needs but wasn't really bothered about their opinions. 🤷🏻‍♀️

shock the monkey the post box is for any wedding cards that are brought to the reception yes after the the wedding bit lol

Bless her! She's excited to be getting married and wants to share her plans with her closest friends. She's not - as far as I can see - being an arsehole about anything. Where's the harm? As a good friend, cant you just indulge her joy for a few months?!

For a wedding she needs a venue, an outfit for her and the bridesmaidsand and the menus sorted. Anything else is just extra, and quite frankly the guests won't care or notice. Please tell her that.

The only things I remember about weddings I have been to have been the food, and how warm/cold I was. I don't even remember what the bride wore at any wedding. OH and I even left one wedding early because the venue was so cold that we didn't even take our coats off.

Honestly no-one cares about matching chair covers, the decor, wedding favours or any other expensive and unnecessary frippery.

Bridezillas are a nightmare!

I just don't understand the concept that she can't do anything in relation to planning for the wedding without a retinue. Why on earth does she need someone with her when she goes to get the dress altered, let alone to choose an effing postbox? In fact (a) why is she getting the dress altered 10 months before the wedding, and (b) who the hell needs a postbox?

You really need to nip this in the bud. Get together with the other bridesmaids to say firmly every time she demands support "It's your decision, Bridezilla, you really don't need my input." In fact you probably need to point out to her gently that, excited as she is, if she plans to spend the next 10 months talking about nothing else but the wedding she is going to drive all her friends away.

I'd deliberately be annoying and answer each request with "hmm looks nice - oh did you read that article about xxx" and steer the conversation to anything else on the news or real life. Then I'd say, oh did you mean next tues? Sorry I have a work/friend/crisis thing - hope you find the post box you want!

She sounds terribly needy, insecure and indecisive - or just very attention seeking. Honestly, nip this in they bud - it will only get worse and someone going to have a nervous breakdown!

Can you find a forum for her to join where she can chat all this stuff with other people who are also getting married?

Does MNet have a getting married topic?

You need to say something! You won't be able to keep this up for 10months and it will end up ruining things as she will feel you don't care at all and aren't getting involved ect.

She's your oldest friend can you not pull her to one side with some one and tell her to chill out a bit.

If not then you need to get just to.

Sorry busy x date

Can't make that but sure you will make the right choice! And so on

Someone I know had a 1000 day countdown on FB.... it was relentless for nearly 3 years.

If she's a good friend, I'd text her and say "I love you but this wedding banter is doing my head in. You're allowed 15 minutes a day to mention it, then the line is drawn OK. For both our sanity "

"Gosh I really don't know what we should decorate it with. Why don't you have a look on weddingbee - there's lots of people with great ideas on there!". Then every time she asks for an opinion on anything just say "I'm not sure. Did you try weddingbee?". She's understandably excited and maybe you could indulge her on a few occasions but dont let it wind you up to the point you explode x

Text back:
"Sounds good. Could we meet three hours earlier in town though? I'm buying new towels and I can't decide on the shade and the thickness. Could do with your help by looking in John Lewis and M&S and then meet me for a coffee so we can talk through the options."