AIBU?
To think it's going to be a long 10 months hearing about this wedding
Namechangeagain22 · 13/10/2018 11:59
My friend gets married next august, for the last two months all I've heard is everything about her wedding. Each week it's a different topic of the wedding. This weekend she is discussing honeymoon plans. Me and the bridesmaids are to meet up at her house for 'nibbles' and help her plan.
I know I don't sound like any kind of friend but I'm being driven up the wall!!! Not only that but how is she not driving herself up the wall!!
whistl · 13/10/2018 15:41
You'll have to draw a line. Some expectation management.
Tell her that you can't help her make these decisions, so if she needs and wants help with the smaller details, then you think it would be better for her to replace you with someone else. You'll understand, grateful that she first thought of you for bridesmaid and there will be no hard feelings when she replaces you.
Personally, I'd end up saying something in irritation to her, so you are doing well biting your tongue.
Hadalifeonce · 13/10/2018 15:46
I think, for your own sanity, you will have to point out to her that really her honeymoon arrangements should be between her and her fiancé, likewise colour schemes and table decorations.
As bridesmaids you are happy to do dresses, and help her get ready on the day; but everything else should be a joint decision with fiancé.
If it's said in such away that it sounds as if she is excluding her finance, she might not be too miffed by it.
Tistheseason17 · 13/10/2018 15:53
I'm going to go against the grain here.....
I love weddings!!! I'd help any of my friends! If they want my input and value my opinion it shows how much they value you generally. I'd go to any shops or look online at things with them.
I only draw the line at stupid, ill-conceived, unaffordable hen-dos that not everyone can afford and making bridesmaids pay for their own dresses etc.
Hopefully, she'll only marry once and you can laugh at her bridezilla antics aka enthusiasm/excitement afterwards.
Namechangeagain22 · 13/10/2018 16:13
She's just text me "I asked xxx what song he would request from the dj, dunno was his reply
Why do I bother 😡"
Shits gonna hit the fan 😂
She already has a wedding planner, who she speaks to more than me 😂 they had a Chinese and DVD night last night 🤔 I think she's just letting her head run away with it all
AcrossthePond55 · 13/10/2018 16:22
Ignore anything that isn't an actual question, or just send an emoji if you feel you must reply. If the other BMs have no problem with the constant planning, deflect to them "I dunno, what does XXX think? She has such good taste in ". Just be sure they aren't simply good at hiding their own frustration.
And I think it'd be a good idea to start making up your mind about what you will and won't spend on a hen do. I have a feeling she's going to expect a week in a sunny place where the hens pay her way. Once you figure that out, start dropping budget hints to the other BMs.
You're right. It's going to be a very long 10 months. You're going to have to decide exactly how much her friendship means to you. For a dear friend, I'd grin and bear it. For 'just a friend' I'm not so sure it'd be worth it.
GreenTulips · 13/10/2018 16:27
If they want my input and value my opinion it shows how much they value you generally
Actually it shows how indecisive that are and how incapable they are of making their own choice - alternatively it's a way of deferring any responsibility 'Oh X chose those flowers' if MIL mentions how awful they are or 'Y picked the menu' if it's cold and unappetizing....
gothefcktosleep · 13/10/2018 16:35
My best friend helped me a lot with my wedding planning. I remember us choosing the canapés together and having fun. I hope she enjoyed it as well and I wasn’t being a crazy bridezilla... I really appreciated her patience and help at the time.
When she got married I loved running after her making sure she had as perfect a day as possible (the photographer approached me about a career in wedding planning ☺️).
Hopefully your friend will want to repay the favour down the line.
whistl · 13/10/2018 16:39
NWQM has it - give bad suggestions. Someone suggested DH and i had a wedding in the woods after sleeping rough the night before. They said it would be "magical". I wanted traditional, so I never asked their opinion again.
So, to get you started... honeymoon... its got to be a once in a lifetime experience.. so how about cycling across the pyrenees?
Church - see "in the woods" idea.
wedding cars ... see "in the woods" idea.
Music... opera?
Colour scheme - green
Namechangeagain22 · 13/10/2018 16:54
The hen night is quite down to earth if I'm being honest!! She's paid for us to do a breaking bad cocktail making thingymabob then we are going for a meal! I was expecting limos, inflatable penis, just general loudness in spoons 
She has been very generous, our dresses have been paid for by her, she's paying for our make up to be done. My mum is doing our hair but even so she's given my mum some money towards it.
I'm waiting for something to drop and then she just goes bride crazy
Volant · 13/10/2018 17:14
I hope she's not paying the wedding planner by the hour if she's bending her ear even more than she's bending yours.
Seriously, if she's pestering her fiancé about what he might request from the DJ ten months before the wedding, she risks driving him away. Is it worth delicately suggesting that she won't have any wedding at all if she carries on like that?
DPotter · 13/10/2018 17:26
Just because you have been invited doesn’t mean you have to go.
Seriously - decline regularly, or just be honest with her and say it’s not really the thing to involve her bridesmaids in the planning of her wedding- that’s between her and the groom.
Showing my age again, but I thought it was traditional for the groom to plan and pay for the honeymoon.........
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