To struggle with living costs even though my job is well paid

[redpompoms]

I am a single parent although my children are at an age where I don’t need childcare costs which is a relief.

However I feel as if luxuries my friends have without thinking about it - holidays and new cars and appliances for the home - are our for me.

I can only put it down to everything coming out of one income; does anybody else find this?

Yanbu Red and you're allowed to have a little grumble. Yes there are people worse off of course but it's not always easy to just count your blessings, especially when you feel like you've "done everything right" - got the qualifications, put in the hours for the promotion, saved for the house deposit etc to find that you're still only just managing. Then you look around you and it seems like everyone you know, people who don't work any harder and some who don't work anywhere near as hard, are all doing better than you because they're coupled up.

It's also frustrating when on paper you have what would be considered a good salary and you have this sense that you surely should be a bit more comfortable, that life should be a bit easier. It can sometimes seem like you've "followed the rules" but somebody somewhere has pulled a fast one on you!

I suspect a lot of people feel this way or have felt that at some stage in their lives. I've certainly had times when when I've looked at others and thought well where the fuck am I going wrong?

Look, we're all allowed to have a little moan at times but I think you then have to try to push those feelings aside and give yourself credit for what you have achieved and what you do provide. Then consider what steps you can take to get whatever you feel is missing, be that a higher paid job or a partner or whatever. Always remember too that appearances can be deceiving so those couples who seem to have it all may not be as happy and content as you think.

People who are "on the housing ladder" would have to pay back the mortgage debt after selling so their kids would be homeless too. Very few people own outright.

Most mortgages have insurance in place to cover the death or serious illness of the homeowner; mine certainly does.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe - brilliant user name by the way.

Very wise words - and that is exactly how I feel.

The older I get, the harder it is. But you are right, we need to allow ourselves to feel what we feel and then push those feelings aside and get on with it.

Mine doesn't

I’d possibly look into getting that sorted just in case

Thank you - you are probably right.

I agree that comparing yourself to others is not always healthy. My car is an old banger, 10+ years old. However, I like to spend my spare money on holidays. I am happy that I earn enough to pay my bills and extra for some luxuries. I have friends that earn more and less than myself. I'm more concerned about when I am retired and not earning, although I have been paying into s pension.

@redpompoms, are you on the lookout for a partner? Any opportunity for you to meet someone nice? Even outside of long-term committed relationships with intertwined finances, a cuddle on the couch does make it easier to spend a cheap night in!

I’m not in the same situation as you, but can completely see how it’s a struggle on one income. Husband and I both work, so two incomes in but the cost of feeding/housing/transporting a couple vs an individual definitely isn’t twice as high.

@Babyroobs

Where are the kids dads in al this ? -surely they shoukd be contributing and that money isnt counted in any benefit calculations.

DD's dad hasn't seen her for around 12 years & contact was sporadic before that - doting dad whilst we were married though, unfortunately he hated me more than he loved her.

He pays the bare minimum in maintenance after deductions for his 2nd wife's children & the payment being split 3 ways for DD & his 2 other kids which doesn't even cover her lunch money for the month!

We are topped up with tax credits as dh earned a lot less last year. so me getting part time work would cancel out that. As we have young children working is not financially worthwhile as what I'd earn would get taken off tax credits. I can't even get a part time work for the ethics of it as have health issues that don't qualify for disability. years ago I was a single parent and was topped up to a minimum what the govt thought reasonable but unfortunately having a mortgage meant I didn't get housing benefit so if I was renting I would've been better off. Needless to say I was better off then than now which doesn't make sense??

I definitely think that average mortgages/rental costs are based around couples both working and for singles and couples where one is not earning the rent/mortgage is often a massive percentage of the monthly income.

My rent is more than a quarter of my take home pay & that's a 2 bed HA flat a quick google shows private lets in my area are between a third & a half of my take home pay... there's no way I could afford that!

Private renting my rent has at times been more than my salary! It’s now about 1/3 of my salary

I think being a couple does make financial management a lot easier. Either you have two incomes so many basic costs housing, tv, phone lines are shared or one of you is a SAHP so the other can focus on work. We have done both of these things and I can see life as a single parent would be a lot harder.

I earn next to nothing (13k working 4 days a week). But I paid the mortgage off a long time ago, I now have no childcare costs and I don't run a car. No debts. I don't claim any benefits. I'm good at managing money, not buying unnecessary things and living a simple lifestyle.

We don't feel poor. We have plenty of money left over after living costs for the fun stuff. I'm very happy with what we have.

I do get annoyed when people with good incomes complain about not having enough money.

Of course it makes a difference, mainly because of tax. My husband has a fantastic salary and brings home £3k a month but we don't feel well off because of there were 2 of us earning £20k you'd hardly say they're rich but it's the same amount of money. Now the kids are bigger and childcare is less I can work again so we will be better off one day.

Ignore what other people have you never know the whole story, it's amazing how many people still get handouts from parents, or debt.

A parent at my son's school admitted he had no idea how much shoes cost the other day because grandma bought ALL the kids shoes, and they have 4 kids! That's at least £500 right there...

It is unfair, but life's not fair and I've seen people be screwed up by having money or dependence on family. In my job I see the same kids pinching their parents pension each week when they're in their 90s, not paying for their hair cuts in the care home, it's disgusting.

I did add that I was very lucky and earn a fair bit..... By the way HMRC got a massive present when I turned 55 as the state steals 45% of three quarters of the pension as tax so it was the universal credit claimants who got the huge present as much as much as my older children got the pension for help with housing and perhaps the state will sufer because I will just have a state pension now if I reach 67 (the average woman in my family has always died before then until my mother who managed to make it to 76!)

I completely agree pompoms and pookie

Am a single parent working ft for £33k a year which puts me just over the threshold for tax credits. I also have an extra job so work around 45 hours a week.

I can pay my mortgage, bills, food and fuel for the month and that's pretty much it! Kids can only have treats and holidays with their dad.

My wage should go up a bit next year but it won't be loads. It's pretty demoralising working so hard and not being able to enjoy the rewards 😒

How old are your kids if you dont need childcare? I'm also a single parent. Mine are pre school and early years. I think lots of people easily afford debt. Don't be misled by other people's supposed luxurious lifestyle.

By the way HMRC got a massive present when I turned 55 as the state steals 45% of three quarters of the pension as tax so it was the universal credit claimants who got the huge present as much as much as my older children got the pension for help with housing

Haven’t you got a copy of the Daily Mail to finish reading Xenia, and some episodes of Benefit Street to catch up on? Bloody terrible isn’t it how those pesky Universal Benefit claimants are practically taking food out of your poor children’s mouths?

My Dad’s a pretty decent earner (not in your league though 😉) and still working at 72. He’s being taxed twice on his wage and state pension, not being an utter Tory knob he doesn’t mind though.

For those of you having appealed concerning overpay he

You write and appealed with time frame?
You used CAB to help write letter
You followed up with further complaints if not successful?
You can’t jyst take the attitude of oh it never works... those that do pay, those that fight continually find the overpayments shrink or disappear, but you have to be prepared to knuckle down and do the research on why it’s gone wrong and always always read the complicated letters - don’t just say, oh their complicated I don’t understand.

They outline what it’s believed you ear - check it
It’s outlined how much savings & capital you have - check it
It outlines how much other benefit you receive - check it
Don’t put it to one side and then later complain the benefits assessors got it wrong - they send the details to you for you to see. It’s it’s wrong you need to say

I know everyone goes on about having a pension but what xenia said about tax is not fair. (NOT THE UC Part but the 45%tax part) Yes she has a high income but this also affects those who saved from low incomes also.

This and the charges mean that if I start a pension now I would receive £100 per year less than if I had just saved the money myself. So I'll be saving the money and downsizing when the times comes if needed and I have made sure that all my ni is up to date to ensure I get a full state pension.

People who earn well, yes it is harder being a single and or lone parent, with or without maintenance but you need to look at every bill and shop around and get every single thing the lowest it can possibly be. Make every penny count.

Loads have posted in money and credit crunch and when you go through their budget with them, there has been loads of payments that they didn't need to pay or deals that they were not signed up for.

I really think the words in the post above are true, it's is okay to have a little moan but then we all need to get on with it. Lots on this thread may be poorer and single, me included but as homeowners with or with out jobs, we are still achieving a certain level and we could even say that we're privileged so I remind myself of this every time.