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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To struggle with living costs even though my job is well paid

122 replies

redpompoms · 13/10/2018 06:53

I am a single parent although my children are at an age where I don’t need childcare costs which is a relief.

However I feel as if luxuries my friends have without thinking about it - holidays and new cars and appliances for the home - are our for me.

I can only put it down to everything coming out of one income; does anybody else find this?

OP posts:
Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:18

Yes this is it. Or newish anyway.

And I am not saying I am badly off, at all, I’m not. But I have always worked full time and I am now at a stage where I suppose I feel like I shouldn’t have to be penny pinching so much.

So I suppose I wish I did have a partner - even if he was on half what I am it would make a difference.

I don’t know!

OP posts:
Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:19

No it’s not old but there have been a couple of accidents and as a result the car is in a bad shape.

It’s also got vvvvvv high mileage as a result of a past job. Anyway the car isn’t the point.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 07:19

I was still getting housing benefit until recently - sending off all my wage slips diligently etc etc

They just turned around after 3 months of me sending all the wage slips to say I have to pay them back £700

So the trap continues as I will have to spend months paying them back now too

Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:20

Oh sorry to hear that pookie, nightmare.

OP posts:
DeadGood · 13/10/2018 07:21

“I don't see how it makes a difference if your sole income is greater than the income of a couple.?“

Why would it be?

OP of course you are struggling. YANBU. If you were co-habiting and had a kid, you’d be renting a 2 bed place. Now that you are single, still with a kid, guess what... you still need a 2 bed place.

It sucks being single, financially.

WorriesGalore · 13/10/2018 07:21

So what is your income then? Without that information, we are all just nodding heads and making sympathetic sounds.

Thisreallyisafarce · 13/10/2018 07:21

Of course it's harder on one income than two.

PookieDo · 13/10/2018 07:22

Why does anyone have to tell you their income? Confused

Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:23

But I’m talking in general terms worries and no we’re not, we are having a conversation.

Being single does suck financially. Smile

OP posts:
whiskeysourpuss · 13/10/2018 07:23

I'm the same OP except my job isn't well paid... after the household bills I'm left with £100 from my salary, then my tax credits & child benefit of approx £77 a week is used for food & fuel. I have quite high fuel costs of around £45-50 a week.

Doing various calculations I'm not actually any worse off not working as what I'd lose in salary but wouldn't be made up by benefits I'd save in fuel costs travelling to work.

Yet they're always banging on about being better off in work - maybe if jobs paid well & you had no travel costs.

1frenchfoodie · 13/10/2018 07:24

Maybe the problem is compating yourself to your friends. ? None of mine have new cars and many in their 30s (London) haven’t got on the housing ladder and would need to accept a huge commute to do so. You just seem to have a somewhat richer circle and it is perhaps not healthy to be making such comparisons.

Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:25

That’s really tough whiskey, it was similar for me when my child was younger. Flowers

If you stick with it it does get a bit better but I think people underestimate the strain it has on you as a person. I suppose that’s more than bills but feeling like you’re the only one responsible for everything ... it’s hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
redpompoms · 13/10/2018 07:26

That’s the thing french we aren’t rich.

I mean, reasonable incomes yes but not rich. I probably earn more than my friends as individuals as many are part time, but their household income is a lot higher.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 13/10/2018 07:28

I have a 2 bed place and converted a downstairs room into a bedroom for DD1. I have no garden and always felt guilty DC didn’t have a garden but now they are older I don’t mind so much

If something breaks then either I get it 2nd hand or have to wait. I would love to buy my own house/flat one day but can’t get a deposit together (that’s my priority) and if my car needs £1000 of work on it I would have to put it on a credit card.

Got a bit of savings for Xmas and have enough to finally buy slightly nicer food for the D.C. than ever before. If they need new bits of uniform I can also now buy these but there is no extra for holidays or spontaneity

ivykaty44 · 13/10/2018 07:29

Pookie, appeal but you only have a month. State you gave in the payslips and therefore shouldn’t have overpaypaid you as it’s there fault they didn’t recalculate sooner not yours

whiskeysourpuss · 13/10/2018 07:30

Mine isn't younger - she's 17 next month & I'm very conscious of the fact that the CB & TC's could stop anytime depending on what she chooses to do (Scotland so she could leave school tomorrow).

I'm looking for a new job closer to home but there's not much going at the minute.

I completely understand you about the car thing as I've just had to upgrade from my 2011 car due to a fault meaning it would cost around £1,500 to put it through its MOT but as it had 126,000 miles on it & I do approx 300/350 miles a week it wasn't worth fixing... couldn't really afford the new car but without it I can't work.

Blankscreen · 13/10/2018 07:31

DSS 14 came to live with us over the summer and I cannot believe how expensive he is to keep!

The amount of shower gel and deodrant is nuts let alone the amount of snacks he rifles through.rhwre is Lao the pressure for then to have the 'right' things - clothes trainers phone skins ( on bloody fortnite) Grin

Having 2 teenagers must be really hard of you are on your own.

PookieDo · 13/10/2018 07:32

@ivykaty44

I’ve tried this before and it seems pointless they just ignore you

When I first got the claim years back they did an audit and had miscalculated something (their fault) and told me over 6 years I owed them £3000. Which I have just finished paying back only to now owe another £700

MattBerrysHair · 13/10/2018 07:32

Get some poorer friends Grin

On a more serious note though, I miss the financial security of having 2 incomes. My situation is very different to yours as I'm disabled and can only work 16 hours a week, so I'll be reliant on benefits to top up my income forever, but I understand that feeling of missing out financially because there's only one of you and not two.

oldgimmer78 · 13/10/2018 07:33

The thing is though, as a PP pointed out, many can't afford the new cars and holidays, they are bought on HP/credit cards. Debt has become so acceptable, I got hounded by my bank recently for declining a credit card with a £16k limit on it.The woman got really arsey when I said I didn't need the things she was suggesting I could use it for (one of them being cosmetic surgery Hmm) so it's very easy to get caught up I imagine.

One of the school mum's used to laugh at my phone and say she'd be mortified to drive my 14 year old car, yet she has several CCJ's and is up to her neck in debt buying stuff to keep up with the Joneses. I'd rather have older stuff and be able to sleep at night.

hidinginthenightgarden · 13/10/2018 07:35

I feel this. I'm not a single parent but August to xmas is a financial disaster for us, on top of every day living, which has got more expensive as we recently started eating a lot more fruit and veg in order to improve our health. I feel like we haemorrhage money some days.
August we prep for school start, September we prep for the 4 birthdays in October and then we are on the run to xmas with DH's birthday a week before that!

Yesterday I tried a "no spend day" and then a nail burst my tyre and cost me £58!

fl0baDob · 13/10/2018 07:37

Hi,

I started a thread about my own dilemma. However, I also feel as though too many people are dependent on my single income. My income is not, however, stable. I have four part time jobs: two contracted and two in the 'gig' economy and none of them pay really well.

Sometimes it does feel like I work very hard and have nothing to show. So, I can empathise.

FrustratedBeyond · 13/10/2018 07:37

PookieDo the same happened to me with HB - They fucked up calculations over a 5 year period and they wrote to me saying I owed them £3000! They even had the cheek to give me a fine of £900!

CookieDoughKid · 13/10/2018 07:38

Once your mortgage is paid off things should become more affordable. Can you take a lodger in to help?

PookieDo · 13/10/2018 07:39

@FrustratedBeyond

Bastards!
I might try appeal again. Pointless IMO but only a letter isn’t it. I’m raging at how incompetent local authority can be. And how it ends up trapping you in a cycle