To struggle with living costs even though my job is well paid

[redpompoms]

I am a single parent although my children are at an age where I don’t need childcare costs which is a relief.

However I feel as if luxuries my friends have without thinking about it - holidays and new cars and appliances for the home - are our for me.

I can only put it down to everything coming out of one income; does anybody else find this?

But anyway it isn’t so much about specifics. I suppose it’s more that we are told as women not to rely on men and I never have but in all honesty the reality for me has been working extremely hard, sometimes being extremely stressed, and now having a life that isn’t as comfortable as many of my friends.

The thing is, OP, having a partner doesn't necessarily mean you'd be better off. It all depends on the luck of the draw and how things work out. I never imagined when I married my DH that I'd actually be better off (financially) as a single parent, but due to his health and other issues, that's how things have worked out. We marry for richer or for poorer, and sometimes it's the latter. There is no point in focusing on the income that a hypothetical partner would bring in, because you just don't know.

Sorry it's not directly related to the original post, but just wanted to offer a bit of advice on to the various people with housing benefit overpayments as I work in benefits advice. If it's the HB department's fault the overpayment occurred, known as official error, and they're recovering it anyway based on the fact you should have noticed their mistake, submit a reconsideration and if they stick to their guns, appeal. When doing the reconsideration make reference to how many pages the letters were (they're sometimes 20+ pages long where we are) whether there were multiple different award calculations in the same letter making it difficult to follow, any issues you may have understanding them, e.g. dyslexia, and any mental health problems you have, ideally noting any treatment you have, such as medication or a support worker. A lot of the time in these cases the housing benefit department have changed their minds before it even gets to court. Good luck

Where are the kids dads in al this ? -surely they shoukd be contributing and that money isnt counted in any benefit calculations.

Pookie, appeal but you only have a month. State you gave in the payslips and therefore shouldn’t have overpaypaid you as it’s there fault they didn’t recalculate sooner not yours

I've never known that work.

If it did, our council would really be in the shit, they currently have a 14 week backlog and it's growing. I've got a client who has been underpaid by about £400 and desperately needs the money back, but they're (rightly) prioritising new claims to stop people being evicted for non-payment.

@LakieLady

I’ve never known it Work either but I might as well try it

In most cases having two wages not one will make people better off. I am single but earn reasonable amounts (am self employed) and currently it is not too bad. I had to replace my central heating last year and my car this year which were expensive and unexpected and I am supporting two sons at university (their father pays nothing) but I am very well paid compared to most people.

The fact my children are homeless if I die because as an unmarried person I don't get a massively higher inheritance tax limit is unfair althpough a lot of people on low incomes would support 100% never mind 40% inheritance tax I am sure.

Some things can be cheaper. I just eat when I want so no big fancy meals or eating when I may not feel like it that day.

The points above about women working so hard to increase pay and they are no beter off because ot the way tax credits work illustrate how awful it can be.

I suppose if ultimately we abolish tax credits and employers pay more then extra work will pay off for some (some pay is going up currently eg Amazon putting up hourly rates to £10 in the SE, shortgage of workers in the SE so pressure on wages etc, very full employment in some areas)

To answer the original question, if you receive tax credits then I think you are not "well-paid." I am taking "well-paid" to mean better than median earnings. Tax credits are a means-tested benefit that roughly a sixth of working people claim. The least well-paid sixth, obviously.

(Wikipedia tells me there are 33 million people working in the UK, of whom 7 million are entitled to claim working tax credit, though 2 million of those don't.)

You need to reset your reaction to your friend's holidays and cars and consider the debt they are getting into to afford these things. By living a simple life you will never have the sleepless nights and suffer the endless worry of paying all the bills and not going under. It is a precarious existence that should not be envied.

Stop comparing your life and start injecting some joy. You don't need new cars and holidays to be happy.

Be proud of the fact you have achieved all of this by yourself! It takes a lot day in and day out, push for more money if you are good at your job, gain qualifications so you feel you are making progress.

But anyway it isn’t so much about specifics. I suppose it’s more that we are told as women not to rely on men and I never have but in all honesty the reality for me has been working extremely hard, sometimes being extremely stressed, and now having a life that isn’t as comfortable as many of my friends

But you’ve been relying on the state instead (tax credits).

It’s good you’ve increased your income so much over the years, because if you’d kept earning the lower amount you’d be screwed when your chikdren leave home.

I don’t understand why people are so surprised they are poor if they only have one adult in the household. It’s expensive to finance and entire family with only one adult. Of course you’d be better off with two adults earning a bit less each (two lots of personal allowance for a start).

Sorry, I may have confused OP with other posters. Can't find where you said you get tax credits now.

@Xenia

The fact my children are homeless if I die because as an unmarried person I don't get a massively higher inheritance tax limit is unfair

www.gov.uk/government/publications/inheritance-tax-main-residence-nil-rate-band-and-the-existing-nil-rate-band/inheritance-tax-main-residence-nil-rate-band-and-the-existing-nil-rate-band

How much is your home worth? You can pass down your house to a direct descendent with 425k rated as nill band rising up to 500k by 2021.

Dramatic talk of your children being homeless if they can’t raise a small mortgage to pay IHT on a property worth over half a mill isn’t a particularly sympathetic picture.

I earn reasonably well, DH earns more than average, with our combined income we would not be entitled to tax credits. My car is 12 years old, his is 13. We pay our bills, save a decent amount and take one or two holidays a year, but not expensive ones, and we enjoy the theatre etc, but always looking for deals, we spend less on a big night out than some do in their local every weekend. Once our baby is born our lifestyle will reduce further. There are people we work with in more junior positions who live more extravagantly, new cars regular long haul trips etc, and you wonder how, but when it comes to it it's often on credit. We prioritise not getting into debt for luxuries and saving, so we have good pensions, some investments, and we paid for our wedding in full this year, I know a couple who got married five years ago who are still paying it off. Outside appearances can be deceiving OP. It's better to have what you can afford, I lose my job tomorrow, I'm not going to lose my car too. You're also sending a positive message about managing finances to your DC.

I have a friend who is struggling. Recently divorced. Feeling the pinch and cant seem to get on top of her credit card debts and running into her overdraft every month. 2 dc who are at uni.

We did a spreadsheet on all her expenses, managed to knock £20 per month off her house insurance and a further £35 off her gas/electric bill.

But she was still £209 per month going over her income.

We looked at different ways to make a bit extra.

She has decided to rent her front drive out. £5 per day for 2 cars. She is going to park round the corner and walk back to the house.

Don’t know how she will get on but she is near a station.

Then we looked at Airbnbing a bedroom.

She is contacting her mortgage company to see if she can and how much her insurance will go up.
.

Do you use your car each day? I have heard of car schemes where you can rent your car out for a few hours or the day.

We did 2 spread sheets. One for her minimal outgoings and one for what she would like.

The idea being if she was getting the income in from the parking spaces and Airbnb’d 1 bedroom and didn’t mind sharing the house and there was demand then she would Airbnb the other bedroom and be really quids in. Maybe enough for a holiday or 2 and be able to not go into a panic when dd or Ds called on her because an extra expense had come in that needed paying

Sometimes you have to look around at what you have and try to see how you can squeeze a bit more money out of things.

We also schpocked a few items.

Also I know the idea is to pay off the highest interest one first but I said she would be best targeting the smallest balanced cc first and just pay minimum payments to the others then trying to get a balance transfer on that card then target the next smallest balance etc

@Firesuit point being even when you get out of tax credits ‘a good wage’ doesn’t go very far as a single parent

Whoever said about relying on tax credits instead of a man... what are single mothers supposed to do

My kids would be homeless if I died as I am privately renting

We couldn't survive on £75 a week in the supermarket, absolutely no way.

While I think that it is possible to eat a healthy diet on less than £3 pp pd, I think it's grim and shouldn't be necessary in this day and age.

And I find the cost of every day non-food items is a big chunk of our shopping bill. Stuff like laundry liquid and fabric conditioner, toiletries, light bulbs, toilet rolls and so on really racks up.

That so many people can't afford treats now and again is an indictment of our low-wage, high rent economy.

I can survive on 3 of us under £75 a week food but it can be grim. Teenage girls use a lot of shampoo, deodorant, tights etc etc so your weekly shop can be dominated by that stuff instead of food if you aren’t careful. Cheap crap isn’t always better - one DD has bad eczema and we have to use SLS free products which are stupidly expensive.

We hardly ever get takeaways and only eat out on special occasions. Every trip we take is with vouchers of some kind, cinema is Meerkat movies or Tesco clubcard. Our holiday this year cost £200 total including travel and food to stay with a friend for a week. I spend about £150 max on them each Xmas and birthdays. I have an old car that needs work on it. I need a new mattress for my bed and would love to have nicer things in my house (like a sofa I have chosen instead of 2nd hand). I think for the fact I work so much I would like to not be wearing things from Tesco all the time. It would just be nicd

It's true that two wage earners give you more money but presumably for most people who are separated it's better in a million ways than living with an ex? Once you are getting by, even if frugally, there are other considerations than money.

Xenia's twins might be homeless in theory, but given that she has cashed in a substantial pension recently to give her older 3 DC 100s of k each towards housing, and her 2 DDs are London lawyers, as is she, I am sure the twins wont be on the street!!!

Xenia's hardship examples warm my heart, they are a throwback to The Famous Fi ve's laments of running out of gooseberry jam therefore they will have to make do with strawberry

I don’t claim tax credits. It’s true that I am talking about luxuries rather than living costs but sometimes the two are more interchangeable than people might think.

Also it’s lonely being on your own. I’m not saying this is the situation I am personally in (I have been in the past) but working all day, picking kids up, eating a basic meal, no TV, nowhere to go, it’s tough. Obviously that’s tough anyway but a chilled out night in front of the TV is nice when you’ve got a partner

It’s ok saying ‘comparison is the theif of joy’ when you aren’t on a strict daily budget. When everything has to come out of one wage and you have no one there whi has your back - even to tell you that you can get through it it’s bloody hard work.
I took on more and more work as my child got older but even though I took every training course I could to try and improve my lot, I’m still on a low wage working but still being supported by tax credits.
It’s fine for those not on them to say that they need to make life hard for those on them to work harder to get off them themselves, but what happens to people like me who HAVE tried as hard as they can to improve their lot but them redundancies and a lack of higher paid jobs (I’m in the rural north, there’s very little here and I can’t afford to sell up and move, I’d struggle to buy again and have to keep a roof over our heads - anyone who says ‘just move’ when you’re talking single parent from a lower cost of living area to a higher cost of living area really doesn’t get it, I cannot afford moving costs and find a new home.)
And yes, I do know of employers that have the view ‘it’s ok to pay as low as we can get away with with as minimal benefits for our staff, in this area we have the upper hand

I definitely think that average mortgages/rental costs are based around couples both working and for singles and couples where one is not earning the rent/mortgage is often a massive percentage of the monthly income. I was a SAHM whilst kids were small. We only ever stayed with family for holidays and I never bought new clothes for the kids(had some good friends with slightly older kids who would give me bags full and charity shops were my friend!!)
My husband lost his job and was unemployed for 2 years and I got FT work and when he eventually got a job it was home based and the kids were now year 5, 6 and 8 and able to get to/from school independently, so I stayed FT working. WOW....2 incomes for first time ever and we were able to fly abroad(still stayed with family though!) and not count every penny. Kids got some new clothes.
We are still very frugal through habit and if my kids want expensive trainers/tops with logos etc they have to earn the extra money(ie they can have £40 towards new trainers but if they insist on Nike Airmax, they find the extra!) but a second income obviously makes a HUGE difference.

YANBU. It is hard for many and there is a frustration when it seems everything is saying we 'should' be able to do or afford X and so many others in our circles appear to but we can't, even more when you don't have any other support.

Xenia's twins might be homeless in theory, but given that she has cashed in a substantial pension recently to give her older 3 DC 100s of k each towards housing, and her 2 DDs are London lawyers, as is she, I am sure the twins wont be on the street!!!

😂