To struggle with living costs even though my job is well paid

[redpompoms]

I am a single parent although my children are at an age where I don’t need childcare costs which is a relief.

However I feel as if luxuries my friends have without thinking about it - holidays and new cars and appliances for the home - are our for me.

I can only put it down to everything coming out of one income; does anybody else find this?

It’s your choice to appeal, keep copies of the letters and then follow up using their own process.

You have nothing to lose, thing is most people don’t scrutinise there overpayment letters or ask for them to be explained. Or ask how long it’s taking for changes to be assessed by the officers

If you ask for the length of time a change would take to be implemented in your office and they say 4 weeks

Then you write a letter and say I want 4 weeks if the overpayments taken of as it’s nit my fault your back log is 4 weeks and you’ve continued to overpay me.

I often feel the same, OP. I'm married, and on a very good income. However, although my DH works as hard as he can, he earns a pittance, mainly due to health problems. He covers his own personal expenses but contributes nothing really to the family pot. I pay for all of the food, clothes for me and dd, the bills, the car, any holidays, school trips, dd's hobbies etc. Everything, basically. These days, I also do pretty much everything at home, although dh does try when he is able to.

I often feel that we're unable to have all the nice things that many of my friends and colleagues take for granted, despite my earning more than any of them. However, I think it's partly about priorities in our case, as I pay a fair amount into my pension each month and have been overpaying the mortgage since we took it out - as a result, we'll finish paying it off around twelve years earlier than planned. I'm also quite debt averse so when I bought a new car recently, I didn't take out car finance but bought what I could afford upfront. I also avoid credit card debt etc. Could it be that you're similar?

I also want a bit more money to enjoy life, so I've been reviewing things recently and I'm making small changes to try and save in painless ways - e.g. shopping in Aldi, switching energy providers, taking my lunch to work etc. I'm still learning, but I'm already finding that every little helps.

Have you watched that Shop Well for Less programme on the BBC? It really opened my eyes about how some people who seem to be able to "afford" holidays and designer clothes and tons of video game stuff are really sacrificing their financial stability on frivolous stuff. I swear especially the men on that programme come across as irresponsible overgrown children!

I'm on a good income and it seems like it should stretch further than it does. We live in a house that desperately requires renovationg/modernising but struggle to do it without a loan but by trying to save a bit each month. I find having no spend months and writing down things I do spend on helps a lot.

Only having one income has serious implications on renting, some estate agents refuse to rent to solo earners not taking home over £30k in our area

I think part of this is down to who you are comparing yourself to. If your friends are better off than you, then it is easy to feel "poor" and to think your life isn't normal. It's natural to judge our lives by those of the people around us.

I have friends in a really wide range of circumstances. Some of them are swanning along able to buy things which wouldn't even cross my mind to want, employing cleaners, replacing appliances which haven't broken, and living in houses which have spare rooms. Other friends are struggling so valiantly just to keep themselves from becoming homeless that I feel myself to be very lucky. They have bunkbeds in box rooms, or a couple of kids sharing a bedroom with the parent. They usually walk everywhere, only taking the bus if it's absolutely essential, and still they suffer huge stress constantly wondering how they can pay the rent.

And that's just in this country. If I think about the living conditions for people in some parts of the world, I feel ridiculously rich. Every time I look at my washing machine I feel rich. What a luxury it is to get clean clothes with no effort.

Someone on here once said that comparison is the thief of joy. Which is true. Don't compare yourself negatively to what friends appear to have because you might not see the full picture.

If you've got no debt and a bit left over at the end of the month then you're in a better place than many.

Having said that..... I do get what you mean. As a couple we probably earn more than several friend couples yet somehow they have new cars and flash hols while my car is 10 years old with 110k miles and we stay with the inlaws for hols!

Even if you earn the same as a couple, as a single parent you end up with less:

1. only one tax free allowance rather than 2
2. only 25% off council tax not 50%.
3. no child benefit, when if there were two of you in half as much you would receive it.

It really isn’t fair!

@PookieDo

I would have appealed to be honest, but I was going through a significant grieving stage and everything got on top of me... I went for a formal interview at the council office to see if I would be prosecuted (!!) and I burst into tears and could barely stand up for myself. I told them it wasn't my fault, and they said it was as I 'hadn't notified them of their mistake'... How the fuck was I meant to know there was a mistake??? They said they'd be easy on me and only fine £900 than prosecute me! I ended up working 2 jobs including shifts and weekends just so I didn't have to claim HB anymore... Its fucked me over as I am now disabled

I’m often horrified at the amount a family of 4 will waste in the supermarket each week, spending over £75 a week for 4 people isn’t needed. Peoples shopping bills coming in at £130 etc is just ridiculous if they then complain they don’t have money for things

@FrustratedBeyond

That’s horrible. Same here - apparently it was my fault that I hadn’t noticed the error.
The error was that they had calculated my whole entitlement on 100% council tax and not included the 25% discount I was already getting for 6 whole years. I submitted my forms and did everything I was meant to. I did appeal and they said that it was my own fault for not noticing. I tried to point out their letters are horribly complicated and don’t make much sense, I wouldn’t have noticed it - why would I? I’m not a benefits officer

If I am honest Even if I had no money I would never claim from them ever again

I think it does make a big difference being in your own as there are fixed costs like council tax that wouldn’t change with an extra person in the house.

It is very easy to feel like you’re not getting the lifestyle you might expect for a certain level of income. When I was younger I thought the lifestyle on my current household income would be wildly different to what it is. What I have learnt though is that outward lifestyle isn’t necessarily an indication of wealth. As you’ve got a mortgage you’re building capital etc. Some of my friends with the most flashy lifestyles have nothing to fall back on.

I get this too.

I'm on quite a decent income so no tax credits at all and I do have a fair bit left over each month but I always feel uneasy about money because I have no real savings.

My car is only 5 years old but I've had to spend a fair bit on it, I suppose because milage is high due to commuting and all our days out. I'm dreading the mot next month.

I just don't feel secure, despite being lucky compared to many. At work I manage a department and if we go out I feel I have to get them all a drink, which is bloody expensive and I know they've all got higher household incomes than me due to their husbands. First world problem, yes.

The good thing for me is ex is a total waster so I'm definitely better off without him, but can't help feeling jealous of all the people who surround me with partners in decent jobs

I got a letter from housing benefit saying I owed them over £4000 . Then I got another letter a couple of weeks later saying that actually it's more like £1400. Was very stressful as I'm also a single parent.

Can anyone help me with the housing benefit?

So I sent them everything for 1st time on 1st August
I got a reschedule of payment in August which doesn’t look the same as the overpayment letter at all. It says entitlement £51.66 a week. On the notice of correction it says £0 per week
I continued sending my wage slips
I then heard nothing until 4th Oct when I got 2 more calculations one is for July and the other for September and they too are not the same as the correction letter

Shall I say that I should not pay the July and August back because I gave them wage slips in August and it’s now October?

That’s crazy ivy

Duchess you mention having a fair bit left over and also days out. It is about priorities really isn't it? We don't have any "left over" because we save that little bit upfront at the start of the month - all money is accountes for, and we don't do days out.

If you are not completely on the breadline the trick is to work out what you want and then target it - we can eat cheap food but want a takeaway every weekend for example. Don't care about cars but want a caravan holiday a few times a year. Etc etc

I drive an old banger which cost me next to nothing to buy but I am thinking about buying a new car next year as it will be cheaper to run, no mot for 3 years, 3 years warranty and lower road tax. Sometimes it costs less to pay more upfront

Ivy I thought I was very frugal but having gone through my bank statements recently to try to work out where all the money is going I was horrified at how much we spend on the food shop! Its very easily done imo. I'm meal planning now and shopping without the dcs and hoping I can save some money that way

I think it's hard when you start comparing yourself to others and I am guilty of this too. It's even harder when pre dc you had a good income and once they are here your money seems to vanish. What helps me is to think that these material things won't make me any happier. I think it's the peace of mind of not having to worry about money that I crave the most more than the 'things' it can buy if you see what I mean.

My single friend and I have this conversation all the time. Splitting bills two ways would make such a huge difference. The mortgage, council tax, tv and broadband etc. There are very few bills which reduce because there is only one in the house.

It’s not about rely on a man to be the breadwinner, it simple maths.

I’m often horrified at the amount a family of 4 will waste in the supermarket each week, spending over £75 a week for 4 people isn’t needed. Peoples shopping bills coming in at £130 etc is just ridiculous if they then complain they don’t have money for things

Really? It all depends on circumstances. We couldn't survive on £75 a week in the supermarket, absolutely no way. But then again we have 1 who can't have milk and one who can't have gluten. It quickly adds up.

I do agree it's about priorities. When I was a single parent I chose not to have a car, saved enough that way to afford the odd holiday.

I get it Red it’s hard not to be envious.

I don’t think we live in a society where a single income is enough anymore. Every couple I know both partners work. As a single parent and pretty low earner (£9 ph) I am barely treading water. Credit card debt and high rent don’t help, but even without them luxuries like holidays are out of reach. My parents help out a lot and I feel so guilty and worried for our future.

I recently got a pay rise which means I no longer receive the £160 Housing Benefit benefit a month towards my rent. Before that when I started working weekends and unsocial hours the extra money meant my tax credits went down. It’s nice not to be so reliant, but also demoralising.

dh and I both work and both need cars due to being semi-rural and public transport wouldnt get us to work. I do 400 miles a week just getting to work and back and he does only a little less so fuel costs are high. His car is ancient and been round the clock but we finally managed to pay off the car loan (car was second hand when we got it). However it is now costing a lot in repairs - £300 last month - and is getting to the stage when it isn't worth keeping. So it's back to car loan territoty for another second hand one which means another debt. Impossible to be debt free. My car is provided by work so I don't have repair costs but I pay BIK tax off my salary for it and my own fuel costs.
We managed first holiday abroad this summer in years by flying Ryanair and staying AirBnB. I just don't know how people afford two week holidays in a hotel!
Even with two salaries we struggle to make ends meet and we don't have childcare, although we have teen ds and adult dd still at home.
Basic living costs are high.

Op, I’m a single mum, work full time, have a 9yo car and a mortgage.
I just don’t think about what other people have. My ds has a nice home, warm and safe. He is well fed, I can give him swimming lessons & karate classes. He is happy which means most of the time, I am happy too.
My ex cost me a lot by wanting to go to Michelin starred restaurants every week and expecting me to pay Half - £100 for one meal. Ds father asked me to move in with him but after ds was born, told me he was £100,000 in debt to his ex wife and wanted to use my house deposit to pay her off. This from a man who spent £50k on a car.
So all those shiny cars and affluent life styles often aren’t what they seem.
I’m better on my own- at least I can manage what money I do have.

But those examples you've given aren't "living costs" - they are luxuries. Living costs would be things like groceries, rent/mortgage repayments, insurances, petrol etc. Things you have little or no choice but to spend money on.