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Original poster

To buy my son a my little pony lunch bag?

124 replies

Pleasehelpme433 · 12/10/2018 13:56

My youngest son has ASD and just gone in to year 6. He has 2 obsessions which are minecraft and my little pony.

I bought him a minecraft rucksack and lunch bag for the start of term but he’s upset because several children have the same stuff and he wants something different.

He’s begging me to get him a my little pony lunch bag (even Googled it to show me on Amazon).

I’ve explained other children may make fun of him because it’s not a ‘boys’ lunch bag but he’s adamant he wants one and doesn’t care what anyone else says.

His Dad has said no way - I might as well put a target on his back saying ‘bully me’, but I’m more inclined to think if he really likes it so what? (I don’t mean so what to the potential bullying just so what- why should he have to conform?)

What would you do?

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 12/10/2018 14:51

Buy it. My little pony isn’t just for girls.

My dd also has ASD, she likes what is labelled as ‘boys toys’ and ‘boys clothes’, I do warn her that people might bully her but she still wants them, she doesn’t care what people think.

AnotherPidgey · 12/10/2018 14:54

By year 6 he is well known and you have a good feel of the others in his class year. Even better that he's bigger than the others and he has a fall back. Is he secure about his interests where they don't conform to general trends. The start of y7 and I'd say no because the chances of someone upsetting him are far too high.

DS (y1) has a coat that is salmon pink with blue zips and linings. He seems to have evaded "girl" comments. It might help that it's a girl heavy class and while he's perfectly "masculine" and fits with the boys, he also gets on well with many of the girls. He got it a couple of years ago because it was the one avaliable that was a different colour to DS1's and it still fits and he's still happy to wear it.

KittyPerry77 · 12/10/2018 14:56

It isn't just the boy/girl thing though. It's also the age suitability. Only you know how much help he needs in maintaining friendships and fitting in and how important fitting in is to him.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 12/10/2018 15:00

DS is in Year 6 and I asked him. He says no one would care - he says his friends often have their little brother or sisters lunch bags and no one would comment or even notice. He says if someone started picking on someone plenty of people would stand up for them.

ProfessorMoody · 12/10/2018 15:00

User - that's really sad. What area are you in? I've never come across a Year 6 class like that.

I think children are becoming much more Liberal. The ones I have taught, particularly at this age are very knowledgeable about children's rights and how important it is to accept everyone.

Original poster
Pleasehelpme433 · 12/10/2018 15:01

I hadn’t even thought of the age thing I’d only thought as far as gender - I’m even more confused now 🤷‍♀️ Or confuddled as DS would say!

OP posts:
Vandree · 12/10/2018 15:04

My 5 year old ds is my little pony obsessed, he has a room full of rainbow dash, the clothes, the bags, the toys, the pjs, you name it he has got it. He is well able to stand up to other kids and adults asking if he is a girl or boy or if he wouldn't rather a football to rainbow dash (he said no, rainbow dash is for boys because rainbow dash is blue and a boy Wink.

But....he has just started in a boys school and we didn't let him bring his rainbow dash bag to school. On holidays to florida or for around the house fine but starting a new school no. Its not that we care its not boyish enough (gender is a social construct) its that we dont want to put an even bigger kick me sign on his back. He is already at a disadvantage with not being into soccer or the usual boys toys or roughhousing that he already feels different enough himself. I told him he can have his dolls and ponies at home all he wants but not in school, for now. Same for his dresses, fine for holidays and home but while he is getting settled into school not for now.

So while I wouldn't say dont buy it for your ds, I would get it and maybe see would he keep it for home or get something totally different as a compromise that he is happy with. Instead of a rainbow dash backpack he got a bright blue one with a few iron on badges to match, he knows its my little pony but the other boys just see a blue bag.

I would tell your dh to feck off and let your child lead you

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/10/2018 15:05

I wouldn’t personally risk anything that would make my DC an obvious target for bullies OP's DS has autism, unfortunately he can't leave that at home...

OP, I would probably buy it for him on the grounds that:

The other kids will have known him for many years and might just accept it without blinking;
If they don't he can leave it at home and use a Minecraft one instead (if OP buys one);
That he only uses it for Y6 and has the Minecraft one for secondary.

Yes, some people think MLP is babyish and therefore not to be liked by their peers. But as my autistic nephew pointed out (about Paw Patrol), "people should be able to like what they want when they want."

Who's to say what's acceptable and what isn't? I'd be very disappointed in my DS if he said something to another child about something they liked being too young/not for girls/not for boys.

MicroManaged · 12/10/2018 15:09

No, i wouldn’t.

Regardless of the school, no school has universally ‘nice’ children. There’s always one (at least) vicious little fucker.

He will get bullied.

scrambledheads · 12/10/2018 15:11

A blue version of my little pony, if that helps?

Original poster
Pleasehelpme433 · 12/10/2018 15:12

Aw thank you scrambled but he wants pink and lilac lol 😂

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 12/10/2018 15:14

What age is year 6?

scrambledheads · 12/10/2018 15:16

Good on him, he knows what he likes Smile

ogglet · 12/10/2018 15:18

Buy him one and tell your DH he's a dick.

ProfessorMoody · 12/10/2018 15:20

10-11 kaytee.

astoundedgoat · 12/10/2018 15:20

I would get him one, to be honest. As someone upthread said, the kids in his class know him by now and probably won't say anything.

If he is teased, and doesn't want to bring it in again, then he can bring in the minecraft one.

Wanting a MLP lunch bag should not be a gendered choice, but marketers and retailers have MADE it so, which is needlessly confusing for young children. Angry

Anyway, My Little Pony is brilliant. Twilight Sparkles would definitely tell him to bring in whatever bag he wanted to!

RiverTam · 12/10/2018 15:21

is it worth mentioning it to his teacher, so they can keep an eye out.

I'd buy it for him and remind his dad that the only people responsible for bullying are bullies.

kaytee87 · 12/10/2018 15:22

In that case, no, I don't think I would. I know it's probably better to let your children express themselves etc. And I'd let him have one at home or weekend trips but I wouldn't want to make him a bully victim at school.
If he was 5 I wouldn't have an issue as other 5yo's don't care.

OunceOfFlounce · 12/10/2018 15:24

If he's in y6 his friends will probably already know he likes MLP and would already have started with the jokes if it was going to be a problem.

I have a 12 year old nephew who's a very cool little dude. He's into unicorns because I think this kind of thing is quite trendy and hipster now.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 12/10/2018 15:25

@Pleasehelpme433 - why don't you pop in and have a chat with his teacher? He/She will know what the children are like and obviously all schools are different.

NWQM · 12/10/2018 15:32

I appreciate that he wants a new lunchbox but it's not even half term yet. Surely he doesn't need a new one already. I would be saying it's tough and seeing what he wants when he needs a new one. So what if everyone has the same one.

rainingcatsanddog · 12/10/2018 15:37

Around y6 my sons became a lot more tolerant of pink. So much so that when I had to buy ds something and there was only the pink version left he rolled his eyes and said pink is just a colour where as a few years earlier, he'd rather not even touch something pink.

Y6 is old enough to say I don't care if people call me gay/trans/whatever.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 12/10/2018 15:38

Mookatron, but why should a single child be the one to test this out? Its all well and good what you're saying, but think about the child first and foremost and how this is likely to impact negatively on him.

Allthewaves · 12/10/2018 15:42

He has asd. That makes him enough of a target at school. I wouldn't buy it. It's all well challenging social norms but for me and kids have it tough enough without giving other kids ammunition.

If he's sensitive you could be looking at a whole meltdown and even more social isolation

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