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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say no?

45 replies

Thatdontimpressmemuch · 12/10/2018 00:28

Back story is that friend is always late. Always. The most late she’s ever been was nearly 2 hours. It infuriates me because actually we’re old old friends and practically like family. But I find it so rude the way she doesn’t seem to give a damn about my time.

Tonight we were supposed to meet for dinner. Got to the restaurant at the time we’d agreed and waited 10 mins before texting her. Got a reply saying “oh no, I haven’t even finished putting my make up on yet, will leave in 10-15 mins. Sorry!”

I was fucking fuming. First of all, bollocks it would have only taken her 10-15 mins. I know her and 10-15 mins is more like half an hour. Then it would have taken her another half an hour to get to the restaurant. Which would have left me waiting for over an hour like a fucking stood up lemon. Angry

So I texted her back: “sorry, I can’t wait that long. I’m hungry so I’ll make other plans.”

She just texted back “OK”

AIBU to not contact her again?

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 12/10/2018 00:32

definitely not unreasonable, let her contact you.

and if she ever does, text her earlier than you did to confirm plans - not because you should but to protect yourself from this situation again.

Original poster
Thatdontimpressmemuch · 12/10/2018 00:39

The thing is that whoever I’ve grumbled about it in the past and said that if she can make it on time for work she can make it on time for meet ups, she always turns it round with a “oh loosen up. And anyway that’s different! I’d get fired if I was late for work. But we’re like family and it should be more relaxed.”

Then I feel like I’m being unreasonably strict and a stick in the mud.

How late would you say is unreasonably late. Bearing in mind that this isn’t just occasional. It’s every. Single. Time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatdontimpressmemuch · 12/10/2018 00:40

Whenever. Not whoever

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 12/10/2018 00:41

This really really annoys me. Ynbu. I hate it. So disrespectful

UpstartCrow · 12/10/2018 00:42

Ugh 'loosen up' sounds a lot like 'what's the matter don't you have a sense of humour'. Its code.

starzig · 12/10/2018 00:49

Arrange another date and you turn up 2hrs late. Then see if she still thinks all is OK.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/10/2018 00:50

I have a very close friend who is always late. I agree it’s infuriating but in my mates case I really don’t think she’s being disrespectful, she lives a very hectic life and sometimes it gets on top of her.
I love her like a sister so lie to her about arrival times and when she’s late (as she always is) order a glass of wine and ring another mate or my sister to keep me amused.
Tell her it pisses you off but don’t cut her out of your life if you care about her

garethsouthgatesmrs · 12/10/2018 00:53

I have a friend who is a little bit like this but not to this extent. She doesnt get it. I have cooled the friendship and it is on my terms. I like her and usually see her at one or other of our houses, if it's mine I make it part of a group.

Original poster
Thatdontimpressmemuch · 12/10/2018 00:59

Thing is that if she’d just texted to say she was running late then that would be fine.

It’s the fact that she doesn’t consider the effect her lack of time keeping has on others that infuriates me. Like tonight for example. I have a load of marking (teacher) to catch up on. So I could have been doing that for another hour is she’d just had thebasic manners to let me know she was running late

OP posts:
Volant · 12/10/2018 01:02

You should have told her not to bother with make up, it wasn't going to impress you anyway.

Yabbers · 12/10/2018 01:02

She’s practically family and you’ll ditch her because she’s late.

If my sister was constantly late, should I go NC with her?

Seems like a ridiculous thing to fall out over.

Nanny0gg · 12/10/2018 01:25

Seems like a ridiculous thing to fall out over.

Really? You have that much time to waste due to someone who really doesn't care?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/10/2018 01:27

But nanny it’s not always a case of not caring.

purpleme12 · 12/10/2018 01:28

It's not ridiculous. People like that are not showing that they care about you. They're saying their time is more important than yours. I find that really disrespectful. If someone was just a bit late each time it's doable but when it's really late every time and they don't care I find that pretty bad

Gemini69 · 12/10/2018 01:35

tell her to GTF with her lazy ass time keeping.. you're clearly not important enough to bother with promptness.. is she late for Work? No.. is she late for the Doctors ? No.. would she be late for anything else important? No.. she's late for you though.. because you don't rate on her scale of importance.. Hell yes I'd ignore her forever... she's a DICK Grin Flowers

Gemini69 · 12/10/2018 01:36

Seems like a ridiculous thing to fall out over.

so..... You're always LATE huh Hmm

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 12/10/2018 01:42

I’m sorry to bang on about this but I love my wonderful friend who is always late.
I know she cares about me and I know she doesn’t disrespect me. I’ve known her for over 30 yrs and she is a good woman.
She has been late for everything ever! Even her wedding.
She is always apologetic and is very aware of how irritating it is but I forgive her and expect it.

7salmonswimming · 12/10/2018 01:43

I have no time for people who are habitually late. Literally - I don’t have the time.

When tonight comes up, tell her you were angry because if you’d known she was going to be that late you’d have stayed home to do your work. If she makes an excuse tell her it’s not the first time, and let her know that it bothers you. If you’ve never raised it with her before, you owe her a chance to redeem herself. But otherwise, you have to lay it in the line. Doesn’t work for you, ask her what she suggests instead (because it’s her problem, not yours).

Jlynhope · 12/10/2018 01:45

I find it so rude to always be late. A massive deal breaker for me.

LividAtDolphins · 12/10/2018 01:51

I know people who are often late. But it's usually by 20 minutes or so, not an hour or more. And yes, not texting you beforehand to say "i'm running late" is very rude. Show's she's only thinking about herself.

YWNBU to not bother making plans with her again. If you do, though, I would tell her to meet 1h30 earlier than you actually want to meet.

SilverBirchTree · 12/10/2018 01:55

So rude on her part. Any chance she has anxiety or ADHD or some other reason why it's harder for her to get places on time?

Otherwise she's rude, disrespectful and clearly thinks whatever she is doing at any point is more important than your time

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/10/2018 02:00

There was a long-tuning thread on this recently.

Effectively, it's incredibly unreasonable to expect habitually late people to change or make an effort.

HmmHmm

TheDowagerCuntess · 12/10/2018 02:07

...something to do with putting a nectar card in their pocket instead of their purse, and then Olympic levels of faffing and flapping as a result.

But yeah, be more considerate of their faffiness, was essentially the takeaway from that thread.

justilou1 · 12/10/2018 02:16

I lost my shit at a friend of mine once and told her that until she realized that my time was as valuable as hers, I was no longer going to be making appointments to meet her. I was totally sick of her running late and leaving me dangling - or totally forgetting appointments completely.

Gemini69 · 12/10/2018 02:28

Maybe these' late' types genuinely cannot tell the time Hmm

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