To think I am missing out. How can I change this?

[userfriendly55]

I am a granny to 2 wonderful grandkids who live 45 mins from us .
We looked after the eldest when her brother was born but we have not spent any alone time since and that was 4 months ago.
I feel like I am missing out . We are invited round once a month or so as my DS works some weekends and they are busy with activities . Each time they are different. Especially the baby. The eldest is going to school next year and I feel like I have missed out on her preschool years . When I see their other grandmother with them it is obvious that they spend more time together. The baby doesn’t know me at all

DS has suggested helping with the school run next year but I am not good at driving distances on A roads etc , and also I have had health scares this year. I am exhausted all the time and find it difficult to prepare nice meals etc for them to come over yet we are never invited over for meals at the weekends.
How can I try for all of us to spend more time together??

It is nice to buy things for your son's family. Gifts are gifts. The pleasure is in the giving, not in the mental calculation of their value, nor in a sense of entitlement for having given them. If you can't give unconditionally, don't give at all. Giving in an attempt to create obligations will only cause problems. Stop listing what you spend on them and start thinking about how you can fit in with them.

The same goes for for your DiLs own mother. Stop comparing. Your DiL is on maternity leave with a new baby and a young child. It doesn't matter how well the baby sleeps, babies are hard work. If she enjoys the company of her own mother at this time, then that is fine. It is her maternity leave. She married your son, not you. She isn't obliged to socialise with you when he isn't around. If you are resentful then you will inadvertently send the wrong message and that will damage your relationship with your son and his wife.

You have been given all the recommendations you need. Don't expect them to host you more than once a fortnight. Try and make this as little hassle as possible for them - tea, cake and a stroll with the pram is often the best solution. Think about what you can do to be useful for them. E.g offer to collect granddaughter from nursery and take her to the playground for a picnic, so DiL has slightly longer to go on a slightly longer outing with her baby. When you are at their house, make sure you load the dishwasher etc. That counts for a lot more than buying baby clothes.

Op could you afford a few taxis to their home?

I think you really need to forget being asked for a meal. They are a busy family and right now you need to find a way to fit in.

Why not ask your dil if you can come and visit for a few hours once a week? And then sort out how you will get there after it's arranged. Make it happen and it will happen.

And for now forget the meal thing and focus on seeing your grand children

So they have a toddler and a new breastfed baby and you want them to invite you over once a week and cook for you? I suggest you a) put some effort into learning some gluten- free recipes so you can cook for them and give them a break, and b) practice the drive to their house until you feel more confident. I’m sure your DIL already has more than enough on her plate.

OP are you my MIL?! Apart from the ages of your DGC this all reads as v familiar tbh as we are in a similar position. Her preference is for us to drive 45 mins to pick her up, bring her to our house and then drop her home again at the end of the day- which is just not viable with 2 young kids! So if that's what you're hoping for YABVVU. I have to say, it's a blessing having one in school/preschool but it adds its own logistical issues getting them there and back on time etc and all looking presentable (I've not nailed that lady part yet ) so it's not necessarily easygoing on your DIL

Family are there to support each other, and right now it's your DS and DIL that need supporting

Text your DIL directly and ask when would be good FOR HER for you to visit/meet up, is there anything she'd like you to pick up or bring with to make life easier, and then get yourself there! It really is that simple, but it will mean you have to make some effort...

• that part

I have also not 'nailed that lady part' either