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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think very odd police came around because ADULT student hasn't been going to college?

103 replies

edgartree · 11/10/2018 20:41

I'm not talking 18 yo sixth form student. This is my 22 year old daughter who is doing a college course. Hasn't turned up for 3 days and hasn't been able to contact her (I was unaware of this) but they sent the police around? She's 22!

OP posts:
Sunflowersforever · 11/10/2018 21:12

Is she living with you? Did you notice she was staying home during term time?

Seems more to this as others have said.

Sunflowersforever · 11/10/2018 21:13

Ah, cross post.

Glad she is safe and well. Wonder why she didn't go in and why she didn't let them know?

Beeziekn33ze · 11/10/2018 21:16

Better the college should be concerned than that she could disappear and no one would notice.

Dontalkoverme · 11/10/2018 21:17

If they couldn’t contact her then it would be a safeguarding issue. Many workplaces would do the same in situations where a staff member has gone AWOL and no way to find out if they are safe.

Tell your daughter to take some responsibility and call in if she’s not going to be attending. If she doesn’t learn that now, she’s going to find it very hard to hold down any job.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 11/10/2018 21:17

I'm wondering why they couldn't contact her, as they presumably have her mobile number? If they have been calling her and getting no reply, I'm pleasantly surprised that they would follow this up.

youngestisapsycho · 11/10/2018 21:17

Does college have her mobile number? Has she been ignoring calls from them?

MrsJayy · 11/10/2018 21:18

She really needs to let college know if she isn't going in.

theWarOnPeace · 11/10/2018 21:20

I would be asking her why she didn’t give them the courtesy of letting them know she’d be off. Or perhaps more to it?

nicebitofquiche · 11/10/2018 21:21

There must be a reason they felt the need to get the police. College and FE establishments don't do this for every student who's been off for 3 days. The police wouldn't go out either unless they felt it necessary.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/10/2018 21:22

She is not vulnerable they just couldn't contact her

Well then they didn’t know that she wasn’t vulnerable did they?

Next time, tell her to call in instead of wasting everyone’s time by just not going in.

But please, don’t mock procedures which have saved lives in the past and probably will again in future, just because your DD didn’t need them.

OhMyGodTheyKilledKenny · 11/10/2018 21:24

If I were you I'd be reassured and relieved that the college picked up that she wasn't there, hadn't contacted them and then, when she didn't answer their calls, followed this up with the police.

OK your daughter is safe but what if she wasn't living with you and something had actually happened to her?

FruitofAutumn · 11/10/2018 21:24

I can understand that they might have to by law contact the police for overseas students who are on a student visa and don't show up.so maybe its just easier to have a policy of checkin up on everyone .

hibbledibble · 11/10/2018 21:26

Yes yabu

If she doesn't turn up and they can't make contact, then she could be missing, sick, or dead.

The police is just for a welfare check.

There have been very sad stories where a child hasn't turned up to school due to a parent dying suddenly, and the school hasn't asked police for a welfare check. In one case it resulted in two young children spending time alone at home with a dead parent until the mother came home from working abroad, in another it resulted in a child starving to death next to his mother.

Redglitter · 11/10/2018 21:27

Maybe next time your daughter will behave like a responsible adult and contact the college or answer her phone.

I'd be far more annoyed with her behaviour than the fact the college called the police

RedDwarves · 11/10/2018 21:31

Your daughter is 22. She has a responsibility to be contactable. It shouldn't have taken a welfare check from police.

Why is she incapable of answering her phone? Or, you know, being proactive and emailing to say she won't be in class?

ShinyMe · 11/10/2018 21:31

Just to point you - just because you don't think she's vulnerable doesn't mean she isn't. As people have said, colleges don't contact police and police don't go out for every absent student. There must have been some concern raised somewhere about her safety, either from something she's said, or from something someone else has said. Maybe it's nothing, and someone had the wrong end of the stick, but better to check and it be nothing, than not to check and there be something awfully wrong.

I work with a cohort of maybe 800 students, and I know at least a dozen who have indicated they have suicidal thoughts. Many of them conceal it extremely well. One of our students committed suicide over the summer, and everyone around him was shocked - nobody had a clue, including his family and all his college friends and staff.

Obviously, there are plenty of reasons to be absent from college, many having nothing to do with any vulnerability. But if there are any suspicions of danger, the college staff will have felt duty bound to check, because the alternative doesn't bear thinking about.

brizzledrizzle · 11/10/2018 21:45

Given that a university student recently died in very sad circumstances after not coming home from a night out I think YABVVU to object to them taking this action.

AnyFucker · 11/10/2018 21:46

You seem strangely detached about this, op

ButchyRestingFace · 11/10/2018 21:50

Yes I know where she is. She's at home right now! She is not vulnerable they just couldn't contact her

I'm at uni doing postgrad right now - very well-cooked mature student. We have to self-certificate for absence of even one class, which shocked me. Does your daughter not have to do similar?

Fatted · 11/10/2018 21:52

The police would not have attended purely because she hadn't turned in. They would only have attended if they thought she was at risk. So the college obviously have some concerns.

I'd be having a good sit down with daughter and asking her about what's going on. The college have been concerned enough to ring the police and she should also be ringing the college if she's not going in.

busybarbara · 11/10/2018 21:52

They have to do this as there are strict rules about receiving/keeping the tuition money if a student doesn't actually attend regularly. It's a bit like truancy rules but more around the contract of someone attending a higher educational instutition.

WasabiSpring · 11/10/2018 22:14

Have you asked her why she didn't contact them to say she wasn't attending?

MrsJayy · 11/10/2018 22:16

Dds college has a tonne of ways of contacting students the have a portal email 3 phone numbers and whatsapp ... your dd must have the same and be ignoring all communication you don't seem that bothered about your dd not contacting them

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 11/10/2018 22:18

The police would not have attended purely with that reason. We have had to get police to do a wellness check on missing students in the past. But there needs to be a reason that flags up as safeguarding. We have had this in the past where students have spun a yarn about being vulnerable with horrendous home lives and only when something like this has happened have we found out the truth that there are no issues and family were clueless about this - mainly due to other family members not answering when we tried to contact NOK to confirm.

buscaution · 11/10/2018 22:20

She is not vulnerable they just couldn't contact her

Why did she not contact them?

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