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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband will probably lose his job next week

88 replies

Sickandtired02 · 10/10/2018 23:40

And when it does the shit is going to hit the fan.

Background- my husband has been suspected twice in the last 8 month's. First time for fucking around with a work friend over the company email system. This time for wasting company time and basically not doing his job.

We have a 2 year old dd and our 2nd baby due early next year. I am majorly pissed off with him he knew the last time I wasn't happy with him for being suspended I told him to keep his head down do his hours and earn his money and look for a job he wants in the mean time. He's done nothing to look for a new job continues to piss ass around doesn't take his job seriously and has now wound up being suspended again. This wouldn't be the first job he has been sacked from.

Over the last couple of months things have been a little strained I just can't cope with the stress he brings to the household. His poor work ethic and his sheer laziness. His excuse for not helping out so much is that he works but about 6 months ago he dropped his hours to part time because of a medical problem with his back.. I will admit we had some strong words over that as I feel like I didn't have any say in that at all.

I work from home and care for our dd i dont earn mega money but what I get does afford us a couple extra luxuries a month nothing big think along the lines of Netflix membership, a take away or 2 a month or a meal out and a couple of other small non essential things.

Aibu to feel like if dh loses his job next week I might actually leave him? I dont want to be with someone who is going through life being such a loser and I dont want his attitudes towards working to rub off on our children.

I know I took vows for better or for worse but I just dont feel proud of him and I feel like he has not only let himself down but also his family. It's like he didn't give a flying fuck about us when he was at work being the office clown.. how long will it be til he realises his colleagues aren't laughing with him? None of them are sat suspended pending a disciplinary hearing.

Think the whole thing is one fucking joke and I think he is a joke aswell. I feel nothing but anger and resentment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sickandtired02 · 10/10/2018 23:40

Meant to be suspended twice!

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 10/10/2018 23:45

Get a job and leave him as a stay at home parent. Children love a bit of a joke. If he is good at it he could may be think about getting Child Minder qualifications, you never know where people's strengths lie.

BeUpStanding · 10/10/2018 23:50

He sounds a total man-child. YANBU

CrystalDeCanter · 10/10/2018 23:51

Jesus, when will he grow up? What an arse, I don't blame you for being furious OP. He's putting you in such a vulnerable position,

What does he propose to do to fix this?

Original poster
Sickandtired02 · 10/10/2018 23:54

Fuck know I get treated like the little woman all I get is don't worry about the job if I lose it I will get it sorted so we have money..

I suspect that means he will plummit us into debt. God what a wanker!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 11/10/2018 00:25

Would him being a SAHD be a real alternative? You'd have to be able to earn enough to support the household, but more importantly you'd have to be able to trust that he would carry the domestic and childcare load. If either of these is a 'no way' then don't even think about it. Especially if he can't be trusted to keep up his end of the bargain if you get a job.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be thinking of leaving him at this point. He's pretty damned useless, isn't he? Being a single parent is bloody hard, but being a single parent while the other parent is there fucking off is soul destroying.

Make your plans. Seriously, make your plans. Doesn't mean you'll ever have to carry them out, but at least you'll be ready. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Good Luck

Weathermonger · 11/10/2018 00:29

My husband has been unemployed several times over the past few years - none through any fault of his own (company bankruptcy, downsizing, outsourcing to India etc) I was a SAHM but also worked pt from home. Each time it was incredibly stressful on all of us, and my husband was busting his ass to find new employment. I can't imagine how frustrating it will be for you with a partner who doesn't seem to care. I wish you the best of luck, with what ever decision you make.

AlphaBravo · 11/10/2018 00:32

Walk OP. He's already showing you his true colours. Anyone who wont work hard enough for their kids is already a loser.

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 11/10/2018 00:40

I can't imagine him being any good as a SAHD, I suspect you'd have to be the bred winner and the house keeper in that situation. I think you should walk. You deserve better than a liability.

trojanpony · 11/10/2018 00:49

I’d walk.

this guy is a clown and he’ll be pulling the same shit a decade from now. I can’t imagine how exhausting/depressing it is knowing this is not just your life now, but also your “future”

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 11/10/2018 00:56

I'd get rid. My husband has been made redundant a couple of times and he bust his ass doing the shittiest jobs imaginable to keep the money coming in, because he is a grafter. Your husband sounds useless and lazy , and I couldn't be arsed with that at all. You and your children deserve better.

Ilovemypantry · 11/10/2018 01:12

Definitely LTB...you and your DC deserve better.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/10/2018 01:16

For better or worse is meant to cover illness, stress, unhappiness. Not one partner deciding to be worse.

Graphista · 11/10/2018 01:27

He's incredibly arrogant and naive if he thinks in the current climate with a shit reference (if he gets one at all!) he'll easily get another job!

There aren't enough jobs out there and what there are the employers can afford to be choosy!

How old is he? He needs to grow the fuck up!

Totally understand how you feel. Might be worth telling him, telling him he needs to SHOW you that he is someone who CAN be depended upon as an ADULT partner responsible with you for supporting your family.

In the meantime, it wouldn't hurt for you to organise/prepare yourself either for a one income 2 adult household or a one parent household by checking what benefits you may be eligible for.

But you know what? I wouldn't tell him this! A little panic might do him a lot of good!

All that said, no reason you need to stay if you feel you can't. And even giving him a chance to rectify things I'd limit to 3 months MAX!

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/10/2018 01:41

I wouldnt recommend the "DH" being SAHP. If (when) they split up he will be primary carer and use that to make sure he gets all the benefits and the kids most of the time so he never has to work.

I would be leaving now, before that becomes the norm.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/10/2018 01:51

It seems to me that he's always been like that and you've always known it. You do need to leave him, I think it's very clear he will never change. The only difference is that now you're willing to walk away. Chances are he'll declare himself to be new man before the weekend; promises of the moon on a stick. Something tells you already know all of this.

Cutietips · 11/10/2018 02:04

I agree with Graphista, he’s going to find it almost impossible to find another job,, especially when potential employers realise he’s been working part time because of a back injury (how severe is this,, does this impact his social life or just his work life?).

I’d seriously consider your future with this man. Think about whether you want more children. Would that be possible with a man child? I really wonder whether he is able to change; it would take an awful lot of maturing for this to happen. It’s okay to jump from job to job before you have responsibilities but he has a family. It’s the kind of thing that would make you increasingly resentful because he’s unlikely to turn into Mrs Doubtfire when he’s not working, so you’ll be clearing up after him and doing the childcare while he’s ‘job hunting’. Sorry OP.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/10/2018 02:06

And yes I agree that the chances of him doing anything when at home are fucking zero considering he doesnt do it with the threat of losing his paid job is hanging over him.

So forget him doing any housework, cooking, shopping and meaningful childcare. FFS do not agree to him being the SAHP unless you want to be the full time working single mother to three children instead of two.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/10/2018 03:16

You really want this irresponsible, self-absorbed man child caring for your children? I shudder at the thought. For better or for worse doesn't give him a free pass to be a tosser. Dump this loser. You will be so much better off without him.

Purpleartichoke · 11/10/2018 03:28

At the very least, I would seek full-time employment as soon as feasible. You
can’t rely on him to support you and the kids.

ohfourfoxache · 11/10/2018 03:37

He sounds like a complete waste of space.

LTB

This might help

www.entitledto.co.uk

ElainaElephant · 11/10/2018 04:34

If I didn't know better I'd think you were with my ex. He made all sorts of excuses not to work. Then after I left and he was still in the house that I was paying the mortgage on, he proposed that we take out a second mortgage. We would split it, and then he would go bankrupt meaning we wouldn't have to pay it. Except that's not what it means. It means he'd get away with not paying it, but they would come after me. That's the thing with joint debt.

There's no way I would put up with another man taking the piss like that. I left and it was the best decision I made.

Good luck op, whatever you decide.

Shoxfordian · 11/10/2018 05:10

He's not bringing much to the party is he? Ltb

TheMonkeyMummy · 11/10/2018 05:47

When I knew I was possibly going to be in the firing line, (I had a boss who hated me), I registered as a childminder. Ended up being the best job I had and if I ever go back to the UK, I will definitely do it again, I loved it that much. could you do the training now, in preparation?

jemihap · 11/10/2018 05:50

Sounds just like my bil... He spent the first 20 years of his working life from 1990-2010 working for the Local Authority in a complete piss take of a job, where he basically came and went as he pleased, had loads of ''sick'' leave, spent half his working day just pratting around sending silly emails etc

Since leaving that job in 2010 he just can't adjust to jobs in the real world where you're expected to actually be productive, accountable and have a good attendance record.

He still seems to treat work like a social club (I'm sure much to the annoyance of his colleagues as well as his employers) has loads of time off etc

I'm sure he must be on the verge of losing his current job given the number of warnings he's had (mainly for chatting/emailing/browsing when supposed to be working) and the amount of time he has off.

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