My husband will probably lose his job next week

[Sickandtired02]

And when it does the shit is going to hit the fan.

Background- my husband has been suspected twice in the last 8 month's. First time for fucking around with a work friend over the company email system. This time for wasting company time and basically not doing his job.

We have a 2 year old dd and our 2nd baby due early next year. I am majorly pissed off with him he knew the last time I wasn't happy with him for being suspended I told him to keep his head down do his hours and earn his money and look for a job he wants in the mean time. He's done nothing to look for a new job continues to piss ass around doesn't take his job seriously and has now wound up being suspended again. This wouldn't be the first job he has been sacked from.

Over the last couple of months things have been a little strained I just can't cope with the stress he brings to the household. His poor work ethic and his sheer laziness. His excuse for not helping out so much is that he works but about 6 months ago he dropped his hours to part time because of a medical problem with his back.. I will admit we had some strong words over that as I feel like I didn't have any say in that at all.

I work from home and care for our dd i dont earn mega money but what I get does afford us a couple extra luxuries a month nothing big think along the lines of Netflix membership, a take away or 2 a month or a meal out and a couple of other small non essential things.

Aibu to feel like if dh loses his job next week I might actually leave him? I dont want to be with someone who is going through life being such a loser and I dont want his attitudes towards working to rub off on our children.

I know I took vows for better or for worse but I just dont feel proud of him and I feel like he has not only let himself down but also his family. It's like he didn't give a flying fuck about us when he was at work being the office clown.. how long will it be til he realises his colleagues aren't laughing with him? None of them are sat suspended pending a disciplinary hearing.

Think the whole thing is one fucking joke and I think he is a joke aswell. I feel nothing but anger and resentment.

He seems to be causing you a lot of hassle and anxiety OP, I'd send him on his way, at least you know he has enough cash to find somewhere to live. Do it now, with this in mind.

It begs the question what attracted you to him in the first place. I know women often find rough diamonds cute - thinking they can tame them. But years down the line the finally realise that is what they really are, by which time they're often married with kids.

To be honest he sounds like a lad with a few side hustles. I wouldn't worry op, he'll never be short

I would tell him you aren't ok with carrying on having secrets. Book a couples counseling session, and lay it out clear, he tells you what's going on, or he has to leave the house.

Sorry to sound harsh OP, but you knew what he was like when you married him, and you still went ahead with two pregnancies.

If this was couched from his perspective, would it read somewhere along the lines of "DW is very controlling. I hate my job but she doesn't want me to leave as she wants to work PT from home and even when I became unwell she was reluctant to "let" me work PT for health reasons. I love spending time with DD, but it's never good enough for DW as she wants me to do all sorts around the house too but as I work and have health problems and have different priorities we seem to always clash. I've been doing some extra one off jobs and putting money away so we don't have to worry if I leave my job, but she is constantly critical of me and wants me to just be the breadwinner and do what she wants rather than being an equal partner"?

By all means leave him if you are unhappy with him as a husband, but make sure you look at yourself and your relationship before you write him off. He does sound like a bit of a plonker, but you both have issues and maybe you could actually discuss things and work something out so you can both get what you ultimately want?

It's not that i want him to stay in a job that he hates I've tried to help him plenty of times searching for jobs and training so he can do something more suited to him or have some sort of career. He says this is what he wants but never chases any opportunities even when their being handed to him on a silver platter. He's also really bad for pipeline dreams like one min he wants to own his own car dealership, next he wants a burger van, he wants to have his own removals company and various others. I get so sick of hearing all this stuff because the truth is he has no get up and go about him to make any of these things a reality.. He's been saving he is going to pass his driving test for 3 years! He hasn't had 1 driving lesson or revised for his theory hasn't booked anything. I drive and have done since I was 17.

I've taken on extra work and I do the bulk of childcare and all of the house work and household admin. I have spd and have already been in hospital for 3 days during this pregnancy so it's not because I WANT to work part time id kill to work full time I just dont trust him to be a sahd because I fear he would do nothing apart from sit around watching telly and let dd eat junk all day plus non of the house hold stuff would get done I would be left to not only tidy his shit when I get home but also do everything else aswell.

Am I right to assume you're in your mid-20s? If so, you have your whole life ahead of you and time to start over in a new and improved life without him.

Yes I am mid to late 20s he is not 20s. Because of our children he will always be associated with me I couldn't ever stop him seeing his children and I wouldn't want to as Dd adores him. As I say I don't regret my dd but I do regret that it was him I had children with if that makes sense.

He's a flippin sould sucker isn't he? Think how lovely your live would be without him OP. He's going to drag you down long term.

He knows I'm pissed off and angry since he came back earlier he hasn't left my side he's in mega ass kiss mode and can't do enough around the house. Maybe he's a secret mumsnetter and he's read this thread. I've told him when dd goes to bed we need to talk.

Is he matched betting?

If he cant make his job work I suspect he will be equally lazy as a SAHD, and it would make it harder to leave him as you might have to pay him maintenance.

He sounds like Del-Boy. How old is he?

But yes, you should definitely kick his arse out. He can't be honest with you, so that signals the death knell to the marriage anyway.

Where does he gamble? If it's online, it wouldn't be paid in cash, and if he won at a casino or somewhere, surely they pay big wins by cheque or bank transfer? So, having all that cash, smacks of either dodgy dealings, or gambling in some dodgy place, where it's likely to involve criminals.