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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband will probably lose his job next week

88 replies

Sickandtired02 · 10/10/2018 23:40

And when it does the shit is going to hit the fan.

Background- my husband has been suspected twice in the last 8 month's. First time for fucking around with a work friend over the company email system. This time for wasting company time and basically not doing his job.

We have a 2 year old dd and our 2nd baby due early next year. I am majorly pissed off with him he knew the last time I wasn't happy with him for being suspended I told him to keep his head down do his hours and earn his money and look for a job he wants in the mean time. He's done nothing to look for a new job continues to piss ass around doesn't take his job seriously and has now wound up being suspended again. This wouldn't be the first job he has been sacked from.

Over the last couple of months things have been a little strained I just can't cope with the stress he brings to the household. His poor work ethic and his sheer laziness. His excuse for not helping out so much is that he works but about 6 months ago he dropped his hours to part time because of a medical problem with his back.. I will admit we had some strong words over that as I feel like I didn't have any say in that at all.

I work from home and care for our dd i dont earn mega money but what I get does afford us a couple extra luxuries a month nothing big think along the lines of Netflix membership, a take away or 2 a month or a meal out and a couple of other small non essential things.

Aibu to feel like if dh loses his job next week I might actually leave him? I dont want to be with someone who is going through life being such a loser and I dont want his attitudes towards working to rub off on our children.

I know I took vows for better or for worse but I just dont feel proud of him and I feel like he has not only let himself down but also his family. It's like he didn't give a flying fuck about us when he was at work being the office clown.. how long will it be til he realises his colleagues aren't laughing with him? None of them are sat suspended pending a disciplinary hearing.

Think the whole thing is one fucking joke and I think he is a joke aswell. I feel nothing but anger and resentment.

OP posts:
TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 11/10/2018 06:03

Don't swap roles OP. If you work full time and he stays at home and you still divorce, he will be the primary care giver and you will be locked into supporting him until the kids leave education. Chances are if he's lazy you will still do 90% of the wifework anyway when you get back from work of an evening. THAT is not a scenario I would even consider.

Warpdrive · 11/10/2018 06:31

He sounds very selfish and that is hard. You did make vows and you do have kids together.
Think very carefully before you do anything.

TatianaLarina · 11/10/2018 06:52

He’s too lazy and irresponsible to be a primary carer anyway.

longwayoff · 11/10/2018 07:02

Well. At least his employers can get rid of this oaf and dont have to pay to keep him around. Don't leave him at home to look after kids while you work he's too irresponsible. Good luck

Angrybird345 · 11/10/2018 07:03

No way on earth as a SAHD! Kick him out! He’s a loser and brings nothing but stress.

Beaverhausen · 11/10/2018 07:05

Tell him if he loses his job he needs to leave as you can not support a grown man and your children.

If he has form for doing this he is not going to change, did you know he was like this before having a second child?

Rhiannon13 · 11/10/2018 07:07

His behaviour suggests he'll be on the same level as the children for at least ten years or so, and three kids is a lot when you're effectively on your own. Then you have the prospect of two of them growing up and being left with the man-child. They don't improve with age you know! Please get rid OP. You deserve more and so do your kids.

ZanyMobster · 11/10/2018 07:31

I just can't imagine wanting to be with someone so lazy, I'd be more than happy being with someone who is hard working but earns very little as hard working is still an attractive quality. Laziness is definitely not as well as the fact he clearly doesn't care enough about his family to ensure he can keep a roof over their heads.

Sounds like you would be better off without him, not just that though, emotionally you must be done?!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 11/10/2018 07:56

For all the criticism and vitriol poured on this man, and it sounds deserved, I can’t help but agrees with what another poster has already said:

It seems to me that he's always been like that and you've always known it

FunSponges · 11/10/2018 08:10

How unattractive. I'd leave him.

justwantedalaugh · 11/10/2018 08:31

If having kids didn't make him grow up and care, nothing will.

I can't see this improving.

DinnaeKnowShitFromClay · 11/10/2018 08:33

Knowing it or not, you are where you are. Get rid now before he starts with the bloody payday loans and shite that you will be tied to. This isn't a blip, it's a lifestyle choice for him OP.

Some people are just lazy ass bastards. People like you fill in the gaps to 'make nice'. Don't be that person, put your DC first.

ShatnersWig · 11/10/2018 08:48

So having been sacked from previous jobs, you knew he was a total waste of space and you went on to have a second child with this arsehole?

Good choice.

I'd leave him. You won't get any financial support for your children from him, because he can't hold down a job because a lazy wanker, but then that'd be no different from your life now it seems.

Original poster
Sickandtired02 · 11/10/2018 08:50

I actually met him at work and he's always been a bit of a joker but he was well liked by management and was good at his job his problem was he thought management liked him more then they did.. basically that he was untouchable he ended up getting fired when we first got together and I will admit I had a lot of sympathy at the time even though it was his fault but this was before we had any children or was even pregnant. We are both mid 20s and Il admit I haven't always been as mature and responsible as i am now that all changed when I got pregnant with dd.

Dh has been working at his job for the last 3 years he is well liked and less then a year ago he was doing well at work he was even acting as a covering manager this all started going down hill when his friend (close friend) got fired all of a sudden dh wanted to go part time and kept talking about how he didn't want his job and how he is only there because I make him go to work Hmm this smacks of he has done it on purpose because I wouldn't let him quit so he thinks if he loses his job I wont see it as his fault but I really do. I fantasize about leaving him but this is my place I rent in my name it would be him who needs to leave. I wouldn't allow him to swap roles he would sit on his arse all day and do nothing and I would still have to do it all.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 11/10/2018 08:54

Then kick the useless fucker out

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 11/10/2018 08:56

this smacks of he has done it on purpose because I wouldn't let him quit

OP this is awful. He has a child already and another on the way but wants to reduce his hours or get intentionally fired? How can you live with such a selfish person?

HolesinTheSoles · 11/10/2018 09:05

He sounds like a teenager who just wants to have a laugh with his mates and earn a bit of drinking money. Not an adult with two children and a partner who are relying on him. If he's this lazy and selfish I wouldn't trust him to stay home and look after the kids.

Merryoldgoat · 11/10/2018 09:06

Then kick him out?

You get nothing from this - how you felt able to have another child with him is beyond me but what’s done is done.

You stay, and this crap is what your kids will start to think is normal.

I honestly don’t understand why women get repeatedly pregnant once a man has shown his true colours.

StrangeLookingParasite · 11/10/2018 09:08

He sounds as useless as tits on a bull. Does he have any good points?

Bluntness100 · 11/10/2018 09:08

He's only there because you make him go to work? How does he think your family will survive financially. Benefits?

He does sound very immature. Has he articulated exactly how he is going to sort it if he's fired?

Bekabeech · 11/10/2018 09:20

Kick him out!
If he hasn't grown up now he is unlikely to ever do so, especially without some massive wake up call. He is acting like a child - working because you "make" him.
So he can lose his job, his home and his family - then he might wake up and grown up or just moan to everyone about how hard done by he is (until they all drift off as he's boring).

bowdownbeforelokitty · 11/10/2018 09:22

Sounds like a CockLodger in training OP. I bet he'd like fannying around online all day pretending to look for work until he stretches it out just long enough that it seems like in spite of his best efforts there is nothing suitable. Naturally, he won't be able to contribute to any household finances, and let me guess his savings are nonexistent. Colour me shocked! Best have a little chat and outline the real implications consequences of his actions and be prepared to follow through.

Original poster
Sickandtired02 · 11/10/2018 09:23

He doesn't drink at all he gave up drinking when I got pregnant with dd (I think it makes him feel depressed) I just dont see what he wants to do with this time.

When he dropped his hours at work he started looking for one off jobs with others so for example helping my dad's friend who owns a garage, helping people with removals and various other things so he ita not as though he did it to sit around the house or be at home more. I do know he is more of a practical person rather then an office and desk sort of person which I do get but he doesn't get to make that call when we have kids.

I didnt want to have to say this but I will for full disclosure for someone that works part time he seems to have a lot of money.. I mean he has money everywhere. Just a few days ago he pulled out a lockable box it it had around 12 grand in it and he pays for everything but he has always been like that I have always been one to pay for the things I want that's why i do my from home job as there are certian things i like to have which aren't essential. He has always been quite generous with money and gifts but I've always assumed he saved for those things this year be took us on 2 holidays and a weekend away and he recently booked another weekend away for November I won't say where as it's outing. I'm starting to wonder if he has been left a load of money that's why he suddenly thinks it's okay for him not to work I mean he is getting is money from somwhere.. he is also a gambler always has been it's never gotten him into trouble I will say that for him but I've told him loads of times I dont like the gambling.

I dont know exactly how much money he has or has had we simply live on his wage end my wage I've got a good budget in place which sees us have all the things we need for the month. If you forget about this magical money that seems to be coming from no where we couldn't survive on my wage alone.

He is out a lot aswell any ideas what he's up to? Is he a criminal??

OP posts:
Darcybutrude · 11/10/2018 09:24

Dont feel guilty for feeling that way, hard work is a reflection of how much he loves you and wants to take care/impress you. He doesnt care much about you in my view. DUMP.

bowdownbeforelokitty · 11/10/2018 09:25

Your update tells me that him wanting to give up his job may have a lot to do with this sudden influx of easy money.