OPs Being Terrified of Upsetting the Regulars

[strawberrisc]

Every time I see an OP tentatively promising to “try not to dripfeed” or insisting that “this isn’t a reverse” or a “stealth boast” that they’re conditioned by our little nest of vipers to format their question to suit the MN masses? I cringe when a non-regular gets torn to pieces by old MNetters for breaking these cardinal yet unwritten rules. AIBU to be ready to be bitten by vipers for said view? 🐍

Don’t even know who the ‘regulars’ are so that helps me!

There are so many names I don’t know specific regulars until someone jumps on an OP to let them know that’s not how “we” do it here!

There is and never was MN Royalty/Queen Bee. That's why not a single name has been mentioned re these supposed groups.

This is just a bunch of people in the main moaning because some women (apparently) were deemed 'popular'.

It sounds like envy. Fancy being envious of anonymous women on an internet forum.

& unless you're sitting at home with a poster or have asked them there's no way of knowing they are 'terrified' to post. It's pure assumption.

Much ado about nothing

& even if there were a popular group this post & thread is designed to make them feel bad so pot...kettle...black

I am regular.

I am here at least once a day and have been for 8 years. I also name change as exh know I post here and has been known to stalk me when we were together. Or is that not what you mean? Do you only mean regulars who keep the same name?

Imo, Drip feeding is usually done because a thread isn't going their way. It's rarely something small and it's usually something that is integral to the question they are asking. I do believe that sometimes it's done by accident.

Reverses are annoying and pointless. Again imo. Because you have no idea what the other persons thought process was. So the little parts that will impact the response aren't there. For example my sil could post, pretending to me 'I don't see my niece and nephew, I can't be arsed and spend more time with my best friends kids who I consider nieces. On my nephews birthday I totally forgot to send a card and on my the 40th, I didn't send a card either. They aren't happy but I don't see the issue'.

Where the situation from my point of view is that sil has been awful for years. She openly has said that working mum's should be sterilized and not have kids. I am a working mum. My abusive marriage broke down and my brother didn't contact me at all. The reason my nephew didn't get a card was because I was having a breakdown and my best friend and her husband were looking after me. I didn't know what day it was. Never mind the date. But they never asked after me so didn't know. My brother didn't get a card as the snow came down massively the morning of his birthday, when I was dropping is card off. I was in the car for 2 hours try g to get to him and couldn't get within a mile. I called and apologised and dropped it 2 days later when the snow cleared a bit. I am close to my best friend and her kids because they are the ones that are always there for me. Dbro and sil made clear they don't like me don't bother with me.

So reverses don't work.

Stealth boast, I don't see so much
Some clearly are. Some maybe.

As I have said, I have been here a while. But if someone wants to get snippy with me I can get snippy right back. Even when I first joined.

Personally I find intentional drip feeding and reverses quite manipulative and a way just to get a load of people to agree with you. An anonymous forum isn't the best place to go for that. You ask for opinions and you get them.

strawberrisc how do you know they are regulars then? They could be people who lurk, people who post ocxassionally, new people who think drip feeding is ridiculous.

You’re missing the point. I’m not saying their is a clique, I’m talking about single posters who jump onto an OP (particularly a new one) and accuse them of dripfeeding/stealth boasting/reversing when they don’t have a clue about those things!

I’m thick skinned and certainly not jealous of anonymous women (and there are men on here too) on a forum.

*there

There are so many names I don’t know specific regulars until someone jumps on an OP to let them know that’s not how “we” do it here!

Much of “the cardinal yet unwritten MN rules” you speak of are actually written. Here: www.mumsnet.com/info/netiquette Not everything, but many.

And I really can’t see why anyone would be “terrified” of upsetting the more frequent posters. That’s just absurd. If anything, they might simply wish to post in an MN acceptable style - just the same as if you were writing a text, you would adapt the text to suit. Additionally, if I’m writing on an military forum, I’d use military terms - I wouldn’t be doing it in fear of upsetting the other military forum members. It’s just what you do to conform and be understood.

I've come over from another (Australian) mummy forum which was waaayyy worse than this site!

Think "Grammar police" "Food police" etc etc. It's awful the way they gang up on new members and young mums.

And there was no swearing. Just a bunch of $%^%*. So that got pretty boring...

The ones who say you can't comment unless you've rtft

Nobody complains about drip feeding on the relationship boards. Most threads start with an isolated incident that turns out to be indicative of a bigger back story. Posters are encouraged to share the back story.

It's only in aibu that posters get pulled up for drip feeding, and sometimes quite rightly. It's often a reaction to the thread not going their way.

See also the 'grammar police', another myth. If someone pours their heart out about a loss, or abuse, nobody will mention the lack of paragraphs. That's only on aibu too, and never on deeply serious threads.

Aus84, what forum is that? ( I'm also in Oz)

Yes they absolutely do, Morris.

And there isn't a day goes by that I don't report someone for pulling apart someone's SPaG.

Thankfully, HQ have started to delete.

"See also the 'grammar police', another myth."

Absolutely not a myth. I see it regularly and when called on it the arrogant posters state that they're 'being helpful'. No they're not, they're being rude and petty.

No, I've definitely seen that happen on the relationship's board but, again, it got short shrift from the other posters on the board.

I think the reason names have not been mentioned is because people have been diplomatic.
Quite unusual for AIBU, but still. I don't think anybody would have wanted to point fingers.

The ones who moan about "drip feeding" are usually the ones who went in feet first, unnecessarily hard, on limited information. Then they feel embarrassed (as they should) which soon turns to annoyance/resentment so then they start shouting about drip feeding and try to blame their own nasty reaction on the OP, in a very ungracious way.

MorrisZapp
I agree. There's a huge difference between someone working through an issue through a thread and inform emerges (not a drip feed) and someone clearly thinking they are absolutely right, tells a story in a way that is seeking validation and then when they're told they ABU suddenly there's a monumental reveal of massive information.

I've been here for absolute yonks and can actually remember Justine starting up this site.
Hardly recognise anyone because we've all been name-changing like mad since various hacks and so forth. Apart from Anyfucker. And even Xenia has currently reverted to her old name.
So no, it's not as cliquey as it used to be. Because none of us knows who the hell anyone else is.

I've been on MN for 13 years. No one would know, as I name change regularly and go through phases of not posting, but have always lurked. I can remember nn from my DC baby years, when I first joined, because it was important to me then, but can honestly say now I would struggle to come up with one name - I just don't read/register them, so have no idea if anyone has posted once, or a million times. The beauty of it is, it's an anonymous website. There really is no clique, unless you look for one.

The grammar police isn't a myth and it does happen on serious threads.

It happened to me. Not on my thread, but a poster whose point I would agree with very hastily pointed out I spelt something wrong. When I pointed out that I am dyslexic and rely on spell check, which often gets fucked up by me just using it. I got the 'oh I am sorry I would never normally point it out but I am such a pedant' the usual excuse people trot out when taking the piss out of someone and realise they just look a twat.

But that's not aimed at new posters exclusively.