OPs Being Terrified of Upsetting the Regulars

[strawberrisc]

Every time I see an OP tentatively promising to “try not to dripfeed” or insisting that “this isn’t a reverse” or a “stealth boast” that they’re conditioned by our little nest of vipers to format their question to suit the MN masses? I cringe when a non-regular gets torn to pieces by old MNetters for breaking these cardinal yet unwritten rules. AIBU to be ready to be bitten by vipers for said view? 🐍

God if you think its cliquey now you should have seen it back in the day!

There aren't really any regulars any more are there? I think most people name change more regularly or have left now. I barely recognise any regular names on the main boards any more.

Agree that drip-feeding most often occurs because the OP is attempting to manipulate the responses or doesn't agree with the ones they are getting!

If you name change to post a particular thread (so that someone who may recognise the details can't then look back at all your previous threads) then you may be viewed with suspicion for it being a first post. That's why people say 'I've name-changed for this thread'.

I don't always look at the names tbh. I do recognise some people's posting style though. If it is a poster constantly raising the same issue but missing out info to manipulate the responses then I think it's fair to bring previous posts in to it tbh. It doesn't mean you can't raise an issue only once, but don't expect to get different responses especially if you are being manipulative

It's interesting when people post in or about relationships and it's a teaspoon type thing and after a couple of pages it turns out the DH has trampled all over the OP's self esteem for years. I usually read it as the OP genuinely didn't see it creeping up on them, they've normalized their DP's behavior for a long time and then finally there's a straw that breaks the camel's back and she gradually sees the light. I think it's sad actually. Not a failing on their part.

I used to see that a lot- snarky comments by the Queens of Mumsnet. Not so much these days thankfully

Yep I don't miss that either. Some of the so called 'MN royalty* used to behave like playground bullies and it was really nasty at times.

I've never really understood why people have to prove they're not first time posters when they NC with all the 'pombears' etc references. So what if you are a first time poster - it is allowed!

I don't think disliking dripfeeding is a MN specific thing though. It's pretty obvious that if you want advice that's actually relevant you have to include all the relevant facts.

As King says though I think there are plenty of cases were the OP genuinely doesn't realise certain info is relevant until further on in the thread.

I haven't come across reverses elsewhere though and I do find them particularly irritating. That said I've never called someone out on it and I don't think just posting "this must be a reverse" is ever a particularly helpful comment on a thread.

KingLooieCatz

You said what I wanted to say.

I totally agree OP. There are many examples of mean spirited threads I read. Sort of aggressive, intimidating, mean really. It’s all about the tone. Tbh I think mumsnet hq should be sorting it but they are too fearful. If it was my website I would risk less members and would highlight all these threads. It’s a bit of a gang culture.

I have reported these mean threads and men have done nothing.

It can be v subtle and easily denied , that’s why it’s so hard to “prove”. We could police ourselves a bit more. Just be braver and stick up for op a bit more.

Dripfeeding is boring and annoying.

& I'm sceptical about it - mostly when an OP is told YABU when going on about someone, then suddenly drops a massive back story/situation,/way off-key character trait, to make said person sound horrific.

Things that you just wouldn't miss out in the original story, since you're after opinions.

Nice way to 'cancel out' all the YABU comments and make people sound unduly harsh, and to ensure all thread replies are nicely sympathetic (including slating mate/SIL/MIL, whoever) from thereonwards

MN isn't cliquey, it's just too big a forum for that. I dont see any regulars going on about some kind of longevity status, I do see a few bitching about them tho, as if being a regular is to be frowned upon. God knows why.

It's an anonymous forum, why do you even care how long somebody has been posting here?

I think putting the way people post down to them being scared of regulars is strange.

I've never really understood why people have to prove they're not first time posters when they NC with all the 'pombears' etc references. So what if you are a first time poster - it is allowed!

Because if you don't, if your post is about anything slightly out of the ordinary, you get people saying 'interesting first post, op'.

The regulars? Who are the regulars and why should their opinions matter more than anyone else’s? No poster should kowtow to any other. Pfft

I don't think it's necessarily 'regulars' that tear OPs to bits, I think it's a certain cohort of nasty/bitter/thuggish posters who seem to come on here for no other purpose than to sneer, blame, insult and upset other MNetters. Some of them have been around for years, some are more recent members, but they all get some kind of weird pleasure out of tearing an OP to shreds and making all kinds of unjustified accusations.

Contrary to some of the posts above, I actually think this kind of behaviour is on the increase. When I joined MN about 10 years ago, the nastiness was balanced by so many people who posted with humour, style and wit. But many of them seem to have got bored with the increasing dourness which has also crept in over the last couple of years. So many threads nowadays either immediately turn nasty, or are pulled off track by over literal posters who don't understand nuance, or the permanently offended who see judgment and offence in everything.

There a self appointed group of mumsnet police that just ruin it for everyone with their stupid shrieks I’d troll and detailing threads.
Just report and fuck off.
Even if the OP is a troll, fiend t actually effect anyone else in anyway. It still starts a discussion among other posters that is sometimes really interesting!

Of troll*
It doesnt*

Ergh.

Those nasties should be named and shamed. Casting aspersions on all users is not right.

Perhaps some people are overly invested in all sorts of ways?

umbongo Depends on what kind of trolls. There are a number of trolls who post on here to have a wank at what others post. That is not okay and should never stay up.

Accusations of drip-feeding are ridiculous sometimes. Drip-feeding is when someone’s holding back on important information for whatever they’re talking about on the knowledge it’ll manipulate responses. Not when the OP hasn’t pre-empted every single question someone might ask.

“AIBU to think MIL shouldn’t have eaten all the chocolates I was given for my birthday?”
“YANBU, what a cow.”
“oh, an she ate them because I locked her in the house with no other food or water”
= dripfeed.

“AIBU to think MIL shouldn’t have eaten all the chocolates I was given for my birthday?“
“YABU, women these days are very disrespectful to their mothers in law, I bet she provides loads of unpaid childcare for you.”
“No she doesn’t actually.”
= not a dripfeed.

It’s not a generic term for “I wanted to give the OP a kicking but it turns out I’ve misread the situation entirely.”

There a self appointed group of mumsnet police that just ruin it for everyone with their stupid shrieks I’d troll and detailing threads

Well then - Who?

Of course some people do derail threads, standard in a huge forum, but I don't believe it's a group of long timers surely, and anyway how do you remember all their names?

Re MN police - no names, it didn't happen...

Or maybe it's one person and this thread is about drawing her out. Either way it's all a bit Mean Girls isn't it?

Not to mention there are plenty of posters here not averse to telling someone to piss off if theyre being really stupid so it all balances out really.

Yes I totally agree @53rdWay

Some of the worse drip feeding I read on here is from ops who start to add more when the thread isn't going their way. They then get carried away and turns out they are still unreasonable or whatever.

I don't pay attention to names. I might do an advanced search if I read something and think hang on a minute, I'm sure I read the exact same thing a few weeks/months ago. But generally, I don't care as there's so much name changing going on you would have to be really obsessive to know oh world is the poster formally known as....

As for the ops who open with regular with a name change, know about the cup, and x,y and z and I just think what is the point in posting that. A lot of those posts cited are the ones that get published in the papers and talked about openly on twitter. Tells me nothing other than maybe you are a lazy reporter!!

Even if the OP is a troll, fiend t actually effect anyone else in anyway. It still starts a discussion among other posters that is sometimes really interesting!

yeah, fun discussions like “how can we send even more money to this person’s gofundme scam?” or “let me share details of my child’s terminal illness to ‘support’ someone who doesn’t actually have a child and is posting someone else’s hospital pictures” or “here’s the 50th detailed account of someone’s DD’s teenage periods for your wank bank, OP!”

I've been on here for ten years. I never start threads anymore. I don't actually think it is the regulars that are the nastiest. I used to start threads all the time and argue forever but it's different now. The pile ons that go on and on with everyone competing to get their say and be the "bluntest"; they hardly ever happened compared to now. I still like it here but the attack mentality is huge these days. I don't come on forums to feel like shit so therefore I don't post my real life dilemmas to be ripped apart by the masses any more.

Although drip feeding is annoying, I dont see the clique thing tbh.
It used to be horrendous, every few weeks a thread of who are your favourite mumsnetters along with the so called mn royalty.
I barely take notice of any user names and the old style bitch posse seems to have gone.
There are always a few gits but such is life.

Completely agree with you OP.