To think this isn't fair of school?

[cricketmum84]

I'm sure I read a thread about this a few months ago but can't find it now.

DD is year 5. Very well behaved, bright and doing well but quite shy and anxious. This year her class teacher has developed a system where group 1( the brightest kids) have to sit with a kid from group 5 (not so bright, some behavioural issues).

She has come home tonight quite upset because boy x from group 5 is basically a twat (my words not hers). He has thrown her stuff on the floor, been saying mean things about her. He's not listened to the teachers instructions so DD has had to explain the work to him and help him then for in trouble for not finishing her own work. She was too nervous to speak to the teacher about what he had done so just accepted the telling off.

Is it just me or is this really lazy teaching?? And I really don't think it's fair to effectively make a 9 year old girl responsible for another child's learning! Isn't this what teaching assistants are for?

WIBU to kick off with school tomorrow? My DH thinks I'm massively overreacting! I also wonder if by me stepping in and speaking to them I'm enabling her to continue being too nervous to speak to the teacher?

YANBU OP I'd hate my child being dragged down like that. You didn't put all this effort into raising a well behaved, studious DD to have her suffer due to another child's lazy parents

Or alternatively a child with autism who is struggling in mainstream environment and whose parents are pulling their hair out as the LEA don’t listen. Just because a child struggles to behave does not mean he or she has lazy parents. Yes they might do but equally they are more likely to have involved and interested parents who are struggling with the “one size fits all” approach of mainstream schooling.

It's not usually the autistic children doing all this though. Not unless there's 5/6 of them in every class which is statistically unlikely isn't it?

And being autistic doenst equal being a bully either.

Whether it is the parents fault or not is irrelevant. Op is rightly concerned with her DD.

What isn’t fair is calling a young boy a “twat.” How awful...

Op hasn't called him it to his face though has she. And it's probably no where near as bad as what he's calling her poor dd

Dd to this day won't repeat the names people have been called in her class at her old school.

What is really unfair hower is the excusing of this boys behaviour and minimising of the disruption for the dd whilst holding the dd to impossibly high standards of "taking it" and tolerence . They knew full well what the boy was like and that the dd has panic attacks and they stuck him there anyway . They couldn't handle him and expected her to.

A kid being bullied, calling the kid bullying her a name when talking to her mother about him, is not being awful.
Or do you expect if your DC is being bullied for your DC to only talk about the other child with kindness and empathy?

No I agree is not huge numbers of autistic children doing this. My son used to hit out if he felt threatened and as a small child bit another child who pushed him. It was a bright girl in Y6 who cause major issues though as she was bright enough to know what upset my DS and sly enough to make sure she wasn’t seen. There were huge issues as a result. Not suggesting for one moment that this is what the OP is describing, her DD sounds very much the wronged party here.

However not all badly behaved children are doing so as a result of crap parenting. Some are doing so because they have additional needs and are not getting the support they need.

My niece who is an English teacher at secondary level got so fed up with the appalling lack of support for these children that she moved to a pupil referral unit. She says it’s much better as there are resources to meet the needs of the children there. Lo and behold much of the appalling behaviour stops.

But that said I am glad the OP has got this sorted. It’s not right for her to have been paired with this child and I’m glad the school have thought again,

@abacucat if you read my OP properly you will have seen that my daughter did not use that word. I did. And certainly never to his face. Only on an anonymous forum where I am venting my frustrations.

My daughter has certainly not been awful by taking this kids shit day after day and not speaking up about it until she arrives home in tears.

So read properly before you start speaking about her please.

@abacucat ignore me. I read your post as she was being awful. Not "not being awful"!

Sorry!! I'm feeling a little protective mother tiger today...

However not all badly behaved children are doing so as a result of crap parenting. Some are doing so because they have additional needs and are not getting the support they need

I understand in a few situations that may he the case. However this suggestion only ever seems to go one way which is frustrating. People will defend the kid being a bully and cone up with multiple things that could explain or be wrong with him. But not one person ever thinks "what if the poor victim has "

And in this case she did. She's shy and suffers from panic attacks and even that seems to be less worthy of consideration than the fictional problem this boy has

^this exactly!

I don't know if this boy has SEN or autism or if he just a little shit. What I do know is that my daughter gets panicky and has spent many lessons with her teacher doing calming breathing exercises because she has got overwhelmed. Usually when people aren't being nice.

As her parent I'm going to put her first. And let the parents of the boy deal with his behaviour and any additional needs themselves. Neither me or my daughter are his carers and after how much he has upset her I see no reason for us to be concerned about his education.

Yanbu

I was your DD OP, bright but shy and quiet. I hated being used as a mini teacher because I just wanted to sit quietly and do my work instead of have to battle with someone who didn’t want to work at all (my experience, not labelling a whole group.)
Same. I hated it. It's why I'll never put another child through it and think my seating plans through carefully (and am also on it with behaviour management so don't accept a minority ruining everyone else's right to learn).
I do use buddy pairings for some tasks. I do have able students as leaders for some tasks.
In themselves they are not poor strategies but they can be used poorly and ineffectively by staff.

Equally, I have a "well known" child in one of my classes this year who was moved due to behaviour issues. The child is sat near hard working students because they are sat according to current working level and the child is working at the same level as those around them. I would be very annoyed if I had a call from a parent saying their child shouldn't be near Timmy because Timmy is a naughty child. He may display awful behaviours around school, but he doesn't in my class (and if he did thrn he would kicked out every single lesson).
I have an issue with people suggesting that individual strategies are bad by default. Most teaching strategies can be used effectively or not.

YANBU - your child is not a free TA

How did yesterday go cricket I hope she is less tearful today and back to being happy to go in

Well they have given her a new buddy, a girl this time from a lower group but quiet like my DD and actually listens. She said she liked working with her.

Boy X has been given to the new buddy's old buddy if that makes sense! When I spoke to her teacher yesterday she told me boy x would be taught alone so not sure what's happened there. I feel a bit bad to be honest that he's just been inflicted on another child when what he needs is 1-1 adult supervision!

Well unfortunately you will just have to hope they will call and do the same. It's hard to mot feel bad but you have to do what's best for your dd. The new parents wouldn't stop calling for their kid because they will be given to someone else.

It does sound like he needs 1-1. It's certainly not fair to anyone else.

I am glad your dd had a better day. It's not really much to ask for that you can sit and do your work quietly and without having your stuff thrown about.