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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To correct this?

369 replies

TrainsandDiggers · 09/10/2018 16:08

If your title was Dr and your child’s teacher kept referring to you as Mrs (a fair enough assumption on their part), would you correct them? And if you did, would you sound like you’re a bit up yourself? I’m aware of people correcting to Ms, Miss or Mrs, but not to anything else. TIA

OP posts:
BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 20:02

Because there is a general and genuine respect for them.

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 20:03

Surgeons reverting to Mr/Mrs is them just being contrary.

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 20:04

Respect out in the wider community, I mean.

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 11/10/2018 20:19

I'm absolutely certain there is great respect from the "wider community" for many jobs and professions. Why don't they deserve a respectful title?
It makes no sense.

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 11/10/2018 20:24

As a hater of titles I really meant the other way round. Why do doctors deserve a respectful title when virtually no one else does?

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 20:28

Doctors are a special case, I think, in the eyes of many. You turn to them when you are sick, they are often able to help you, even heal you. A medical is a hard act to follow.

Getting into med school is pretty competitive, in the first place. We admire their intellectual prowess, probably.

BrightonGallery7 · 11/10/2018 20:29

A medical doctor...

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 11/10/2018 20:51

All of those things apply to surgeons who don't use a professional title.

Havaina · 11/10/2018 23:16

Interesting explanation here:

Why are surgeons in the UK called Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs, rather than Dr?

In most other parts of the world all medical practitioners, physicians and surgeons alike, are referred to as Dr while in the UK surgeons are usually referred to as Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs. This is because, from the Middle Ages physicians had to embark on formal university training to gain possession of a degree in medicine before they could enter practice. The possession of this degree, a doctorate, entitled them to the title of ‘Doctor of Medicine’ or Doctor.

The training of surgeons until the mid-19th century was different. They did not have to go to university to gain a degree; instead they usually served as an apprentice to a surgeon. Afterwards they took an examination. In London, after 1745, this was conducted by the Surgeons' Company and after 1800 by The Royal College of Surgeons. If successful they were awarded a diploma, not a degree, therefore they were unable to call themselves 'Doctor', and stayed instead with the title 'Mr'.

Outside London and in the largest cities, the surgeon served as an apprentice like many other tradesmen, but did not necessarily take any examination. Today all medical practitioners, whether physicians or surgeons have to undertake training at medical school to obtain a qualifying degree. Thereafter a further period of postgraduate study and training through junior posts is required before full consultant surgeon status is achieved. Thus the tradition of a surgeon being referred to as Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs has continued, meaning that in effect a person starts as Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs, becomes a Dr and then goes back to being a Mr/Miss/Ms/Mrs again!

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 12/10/2018 00:00

It is interesting Havaina.

And a good illustration that the way we use titles today is anachronistic.

BGDino · 12/10/2018 06:53

My dad’s an emeritus professor and is technically entitled to be addressed as Professor DinoDad both professionally and socially, but goes by just Mr DinoDad when he’s in everyday life and not in academia.

PuppyMonkey · 12/10/2018 07:29

Dino - that’s a shame really as imagine how much the kids would like saying “Professor DinoDad.”Grin

I have been on class trips with my school and asked to be called just Puppy and everyone has been fine with this. It’s less wanky to be asked to be called by your first name than to be asked to be called Dr imho.

noworklifebalance · 12/10/2018 07:37

I agree, Puppy but in OP's case she was addressed with a title repeatedly so presumably the school/teacher prefers adults in a position of responsibility to be addressed with a title rather than first name. It seems fine for women to correct someone in this context if the get Miss/Mrs/Ms wrong i.e. their marital status, so why not Dr if your prefer not to be defined by marriage and have that title?

Tiredtomybones · 12/10/2018 07:58

Very interesting thread. On balance I think yabu.

howabout · 12/10/2018 09:20

It would be a big social faux pas to get touchy about whether you are Miss/Mrs/Ms in our playground. Equally bad to be perceived to be either looking down your nose at someone because they are married or because they are not married.

BloodyDisgrace · 12/10/2018 11:40

If it annoys you, then correct them. You could say: "It's either Dr [Your surname] or [your first name]".

I'm married but my title is Ms. For those who don't get it (over the phone for example), and go on like deaf and blind "er? is it Miss or Mrs?" I say, "Ok, I can see you're struggling. it's Dr then". I don't care I'm not a doctor or don't have PhD, it's against somewhat daft fuckers still assuming, in 21st century, that a woman's title should spell out her marital status.

BloodyDisgrace · 12/10/2018 11:44

And you don't have to be truthful in your title; it's how you want to be called, not what you are. Royal Opera House has a vast list of titles when you are buying tickets online, and I once chose to be addressed as Marchioness.

EBearhug · 12/10/2018 13:14

It would be a big social faux pas to get touchy about whether you are Miss/Mrs/Ms in our playground. Equally bad to be perceived to be either looking down your nose at someone because they are married or because they are not married.

Men automatically won't have to deal with this, because they're just Mr.

willowsmumsy · 12/10/2018 13:26

I'm a medical doctor and I do feel a bit Grrr when called Mrs- as others have said, that's my mum in law's name, not mine. What made me cross was still being called Mrs, and getting my job title incorrect after I'd been in and spoken to 2 classes about my job as a DOCTOR in my medical field!! The school sent me a lovely thank you letter with my incorrect name and job title. I couldn't be bothered to correct them. I just put the letter in my appraisal and had a laugh about it.

howabout · 12/10/2018 13:42

I would be all for changing the meaning of either Miss or Mrs to the same as Madam in French but cba with Ms.

BertrandRussell · 12/10/2018 14:34

"I would be all for changing the meaning of either Miss or Mrs to the same as Madam in French but cba with Ms."
So you'd rather spend huge amounts of effort changing the meaning of of an established word rather than use an established word we have already? That really is bonkers.

prettygirlincrimsonrose · 12/10/2018 14:49

Interesting. I also have PhD, I'm married but haven't changed my name, and DS has his dad's surname because DFIL is quite old-fashioned about passing on the family name and at the time I said I didn't mind. I've never wanted to be Mrs DH's surname and I kind of hoped getting a PhD meant I wouldn't have to (main reason for getting one to be honest!). I'm normally Ms mysurname but I imagine with things to do with DS I'll probably just have to put up with people assuming I have the same surname as him and that I'm Mrs (and not wanting to make a big deal out of it by correcting them). Kind of wish we'd given him my name now...

Think it's rude to call the OP pretentious and up herself though, she's just started a discussion and seems pretty relaxed about it all.

OutPinked · 12/10/2018 14:51

I corrected my DC’s school as they kept calling me Mrs and, to quote an old school teacher, “that’s my Mother!” (Although it isn’t for me, it’s my Grandmother though). So yes, I would correct them.

howabout · 12/10/2018 14:52

Just don't see the point in actively having to select Ms. I have been married for over 25 years but am Miss if ever consulted and answer quite happily to Mrs. I think the only way to make Ms the default would be to abolish Miss and Mrs which I wouldn't object to. If I am not in my capacity as either wife or parent then people don't even know my surname is still my Maiden name.

If I am Miss then I have no need to opt for Ms to declare myself not DH's chatel. My MIL has a different surname from my DH so perhaps this is why I don't get the angst at having the same surname as the proverbial - again not that it is an issue for me as I haven't ever adopted DH's surname.

Ms seems a bit superfluous like Espiranto.

MrBirlingsAwfulWife · 12/10/2018 15:06

Ms seems a bit superfluous

I rather think that Miss and Mrs are superfluous because there is absolutely no need to signal your marital status.

If Ms was default, no woman would have to 'select' anything.