To expect them to come to me?

[Lilacrinsebrigade]

Basically that. I live 10 mins drive away from my dd family. I know they're busy with day to day things work and children etc but they hardly visit my house.. Dd has depression and health issues and doesn't want to drive with pain etc but unless I never visit them which I find hard to fit into a regular thing I wouldn't see them at all ever! Is it just me feeling sorry for myself?

I’m not being critical of her daughter , I don’t know the circumstances. But I’m being critical of most pps on her who don’t even want to understand the feelings of a mother who raised her daughter all those years and is just feeling hurt that her efforts aren’t being recirpocated.

Perhaps her hurt feelings are misplaced... but she surely is only being human for feeling a bit down about it..

Not selfish at all else she wouldn’t have raised her daughter all those years till she became a grandparent..

I’m being generic, but I do think MN has a culture of completely undermining the feelings of parents of older kids.

And for the record, I’m just a 28 year old with a baby. Not a grandma

Bluntness your point about abandoned kids is irrelevant. The daughter is now an adult and not a kid. Her mother has been visiting her. Her mum is just resenting the fact visits are one sided. Amazing that you don’t see that

Do they actually want to visit you? Is it possible they’re making excuses? I make every excuse under the sun to keep my DC away from their bitch of a grandmother.

sput wow how sweet, to passive aggressively take our your resentment of your kids grandma on the Op. you sound like a saint yourself

My Mum does the school run for me three mornings a week. Could you offer to help one day a week, precious time with the little ones (she has some hilarious conversations with my two, ages 4 and 6, on the way to school). Plus giving your DD a break.

OP said her DD hardly visits. I was just wondering if maybe it’s intentional. It’s not unknown for adult children to avoid a parent (as I do).

There isn't convenient time to organise me going lately as there's always something already planned and the only option she gives me I'm doing something too.

Does she know that, meaning she is trying to avoid you? Or do you just not care enough about your DD's pain, depression, and the hard work of running her family, to adjust your own plans?

It is profoundly unreasonable for you to expect her pain to fit in with your convenience. So far you have not said one single thing that justifies why you would not be the one who is making all the effort to fit in with her needs.

Maybe your DD is happy with how much you see of each other at the moment?

Ilovehumanity The OP can “make time” because she’s retired - less easy to do when you work, you have kids to look after and all that entails plus being ill on top of it all. That’s like comparing apples and oranges.

I wonder why she prefers not to visit 🤔