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AIBU?

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Original poster

We argue because of neighbour

124 replies

OohShhh · 09/10/2018 08:06

Me and DH moved into our home about 4 years ago. Semi detached against an older gentleman. We have 2 teenagers. And a dog.
Everything was ok. Until about 2 years ago.
Countless letters through the post from the council about DD's music, our T.V too loud, I put the bin out too early. Oh and one letter was because our dog poo'd in our garden (we had a dog flap - we were at work when damn dog did the deed and didn't pick it up til next morning) I rang the council each time, desperate to sort it out as I am such a worrier and a pleaser.
Told DD no more music. We moved T.V so wasn't near him. We eventually rehomed the dog because he was relentless.
DH thinks I'm being to quiet. Thinks that we should be able to live and laugh and have music/T.V etc but I don't want to argue with neighbour. Or worse, keep getting these letters.
Now neighbour has bought some kind of fuel tank that sits on his front drive. DH saying it could explode or something could happen. It's in some kind of trailer type thing. People come a few times a week and fill up from it, and get it filled up.
He is some kind of fisherman. Goes out early about 4am (you can hear him loading his heavy chains in his truck! That's something that does get under my skin. His neighbour questioned him on why he didn't pack his van up the day before at a reasonable time, he said he could do it when he liked. About 5 meters of heavy chain being dumped into the back of a truck at 4am isn't fun listening to!)
Anyways, I'm constantly now arguing with DH because of the neighbour.
He wants to report this new fuel tank thing. Saying it's illegal/dangerous. But is it? And also, is this going to open up another hole between us. I'm happy to keep myself to myself. But yes, admittedly I want to move because of him.
I want to put my T.V up louder than 25 and let the kids have friends round or listen to the radio in the garden. But I don't like the possible outcomes if I do this.
So question - is the fuel tank illegal/dangerous and should we report it?
How quiet are you? Just in general at home?
Am I being silly?
I suffer with BPD too, so sometimes my mind can wonder away with me. Thank you

OP posts:
Biancadelriosback · 09/10/2018 08:36

What @elessar said. With bells on

Original poster
OohShhh · 09/10/2018 08:36

So regarding the dog. She never barked or anything.
But would constantly jump up at his fence, try and get over into his back garden. We only have a metal chain fence between us (which has been badly damaged by his trees. He's basically cut them at the bottom but they are leaning over into our garden and the fence is bowing) So he would squirt the dog a lot, complain and kick of a lot. I can't afford the fencing right now and he will not replace it. He is that person that even a day before/after rain he waters his garden. I just couldn't put up with it anymore, so the dog went to my BIL.
I am saving up a bit at a time to do the fence, but again he is taking no responsibility for the damage OR his trees. So I'm having to get someone to cut the trees and fit the fence. It isn't cheap.
I think I am a walk over. My personality is that. I don't do confrontation. I completely admit that. I am trying to change. But I just have an awkwardness about myself - which I know. DH is more of a Fuck You kind of person, I'd rather not be.
I'm currently seeing a therapist anyways, just to help me in my day to day. So maybe she will help me find the confidence to do something.
We didn't sit out all summer with any music etc on. I know how that sounds. But at the time it's just easier.
The fuel tank is right under his f.room window. Possibly about 1/2 foot away from the house. About 4ft away from our window. He gets it filled up maybe once a month, then people delivering logs/coal etc to him then fill their vans up from it.
He is so loud in the mornings. Usually a Sunday is his favourite day. He will spend a good hour out the front banging, loading, dragging them bloody chains. I have a tiring job and getting woken up most days at 4/5am is wearing thin.
We have never really had contact with him. He was very stand offish when we moved in. He needed to come into our garden about 6 months into our move to cut his trees and drag them from our back to the front where his friends chipped them. But since then, he wont take any responsibility for the trees. The fence. Or his noise

OP posts:
JasperRising · 09/10/2018 08:36

I would enquire about the fuel tank (or do some googling). Obviously people in oil powered houses have tanks so some fuel storage must be permissable but equally i think that business that keep a certain amount of fuel on site are supposed to have a license and there are rules about how it is stored/distance from buildings etc

Padparadscha · 09/10/2018 08:37

MaxDArnold, you sound delightful Hmm. Bet neighbours love you ‘fuck you, I’ll do as I please’ attitude.

Chickencellar · 09/10/2018 08:39

He is taking the piss , let your husband deal with him for a bit.

MarklahMarklah · 09/10/2018 08:39

*rehomed, not regimes

MaxDArnold · 09/10/2018 08:40

you sound delightful hmm. Bet neighbours love you ‘fuck you, I’ll do as I please’ attitude. I couldn't care less, at least it stops me rolling over for other people.

Padparadscha · 09/10/2018 08:41

OohShhh, so what happened after you rehomed the dog? Was it quite a while ago, you don’t seem to mention much complaints since. Are you sure two teens aren’t being excessively noisy?

MarklahMarklah · 09/10/2018 08:41

Also, check to see whose fence it is. If it's not yours, you shouldn't be replacing it.

Original poster
OohShhh · 09/10/2018 08:41

Sorry Singlebutmarried I have 3. Fat fingers

OP posts:
MaxDArnold · 09/10/2018 08:42

Ignore @Padparadscha. They just want to see you walked over.

Padparadscha · 09/10/2018 08:42

I couldn't care less, at least it stops me rolling over for other people.

Ah I get you. Righto, carry on, look forward to seeing you carry on this persona on a few threads before getting banned for being a goady fucker Smile.

wombat1a · 09/10/2018 08:42

If you cut his trees you could be in a world of hurt, if it goes wrong, it they die, you can be sure he will do everything he can to use it against you. If you need to sort out his trees that are impinging on your land then maybe you need to go via the council first so that he can't use it against you later.

BTW your DH sounds like he rocks.

Padparadscha · 09/10/2018 08:43

Ignore @Padparadscha. They just want to see you walked over.

GrinGrinGrin you’re not very good at this are you?

mimibunz · 09/10/2018 08:43

I stopped caring when you rehomed the dog.

MaxDArnold · 09/10/2018 08:44

Ah I get you. Righto, carry on, look forward to seeing you carry on this persona on a few threads before getting banned for being a goady fucker - why would I get banned? I'm not breaking any of the guidelines.

claire0209 · 09/10/2018 08:44

I'm with your husband on this. My neighbour is a nightmare and has been from the day we moved here. Threatens to report us for pathetic things etc. I tell her to get on with it, in fact I even rang the council first and explained what she was doing, they informed me there would be nothing they would do about her complaints anyway. Maybe it would be worth ringing your local council and discussing with them?
Our neighbour has been quiet for over a year now, think it's because I stand up to her and don't bow down so she has a new target now with a man up the road who's dog poops outside her gate (probably rightly so). In my opinion you need to stand up to this man, live your life how you want to and consider contacting the council (get one step ahead of him!). I must admit I liked to wind my neighbour up even more after she moaned at me but that's just me :)

SalemBlackCat4 · 09/10/2018 08:45

You rehomed your dog? When it did absolutely NOTHING wrong?!?? Sorry, but any sympathy I may have had, I completely lost at reading that. It seems to me you are fickle and shallow, rehoming a dog for NO REASON is just..... no words! I hope the neighbour is a bastard, you get what you deserve! Angry

Asterado · 09/10/2018 08:48

Your neighbour is a bully and you’re letting him do it. You rehomed your dog?! Jesus.

Start living your life normally again. Music on, TV loud, dog back in it’s home where it belongs. Report the thing in his front garden and every time you get a letter, post it through his door or send it back return to sender. If he starts anything else, tell him if he doesn’t stop harassing you, you’ll call the police and will be seeking advice from a solicitor. I guarantee he’ll crawl back under his rock because bullies are cowards.

Might also be worth having a think about your own resilience and how you can build on it too so you never get pushed around again Flowers

Babyblade · 09/10/2018 08:48

Report the fuel tank and the noise.

Let the council decide whether the fuel tank is dangerous or not - that's their job not yours.

Let the council write noise letters to him - it seems that they're keen to write noise letters for the slightest thing (your TV & your kids).

Your neighbour is being an anti-social bully and it's not fair on you that he's allowed to continue.

Padparadscha · 09/10/2018 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

averylongtimeago · 09/10/2018 08:49

There are strict rules on how fuel is stored, some information here:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heatingoil#HeatinggoilstorageeregulationsinntheUniteddKingdom

So yes report him. An oil storage tank like that is risky so close to a house.
And live normally!

HotSauceCommittee · 09/10/2018 08:49

In all seriousness, the OP does need to have a MaxDArnold type of attitude towards this man. If I was on the receiving end of this man’s behaviour , I’d be looking to make his life a wee bit more difficult.

PoisonousSmurf · 09/10/2018 08:49

Start complaining to the council about him! And have you looked at the 'bowser'. Can you check when's he's out?
If it's fuel then it's ILLEGAL!
He's taking the piss and you know it, that's why arguments start.
Time to get revenge!

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 09/10/2018 08:50

How do you know it was this neighbour who complained? I would have thought the council would keep that confidential. Is it possible it is a different neighbour who gas complained and had also complained about you ndn and this is why ndn loads his van at 4am because he refuses to be intimidated by the complaining bully