To want a lock on the door?

[elfintraining]

Back story as to not drip feed too much.

DP has a DC from previous relationship who is in high school.
DP has asked me to move in so hoping to make the transition just after xmas.

DP doesn't get home from work until around 7 and i work from home 2 days a week. If im working from home i usually leave the house at 5 and back around 8. You dont need to know why as its outing but the hours are relevant. If im in the office i usually get home around 7.
DP's DC walks home from school and usually has friends over until DP gets home so around 4.5 hours in the house unsupervised.

Onto my job - again i wont explain in detail what i do but i have lots of expensive devices (mobile phones, laptops, games consoles etc) and always the latest models) i use them on a daily basis for work, they dont leave the house other than may be twice a month when i take certain items to the office and bring them back home again.

Due to the expense of the items i lock the office door at home and also have a built in cupboard for the phones and smaller items which also gets locked.
My house is also alarmed which dials straight to the police.

Now DP and i were discussing on the weekend which room i would have as my office and i then mentioned i would need a lock on the door for when im not there. Absolutely not was the reply...
When i challenged this DP said he doesn't want his DC to feel like a room is "out of bounds" and shouldn't have to feel they are being banned from a room in their own home and also sounds like i dont trust his DC.

I said its absolutely not that i do not trust his DC and if he didn't have his friends over unsurprised it would be less of an issue but it still needs to be locked incase of a break in.

I dont know his DC's friends but what i do know is they are all obsessed with the latest phones and gadgets and a room full of brand new latest models is quite the temptation to resist for kids that age. One particular friend of DC apparently shop lifts on a regular basis and DP has banned him from the house but has still been seen leaving as my DP arrives home.

Even if they didnt take anything, if they should accidentally drop something or damage them ill get into trouble and will have to replace it. Secondly if anything is stolen that isn't a result of a break in i will get sacked due to very sensitive customer data on them.
Thirdly whilst it wont stop a determined burglar it will slow them down but DP says thats nonsense it takes seconds to kick a door in and its obvious that its going back to me not trusting his DC again.

DP knows all this but still insists i need to trust that his DC wont allow his mates in there but i am just not convinced that a group of teenagers wouldn't want to have a look.
Ive tried to compromise by asking for a lock on the cupboard but again im told no.

Am i being hugely unreasonable and untrusting?

I think you're dodging a bullet here by discovering how controlling he is before you've made the move. As everyone else has said, don't move in. It's a requirement of your employment that the products are locked securely away and he is not respecting this. If the room is to be your office then absolutely it should be out of bounds to the DC because it will be your private space. Why would they want/need to go in there? Tell him your moving in is not an option, and think very carefully if it would be the right decision to ever move in if he cannot flex or compromise.

So what’s the plan OP? It seems there’s no way for you to move in without risking your job. Also your P is being an arse. Have you spoken to him about it again?

Woolduvet, you'd think, wouldn't you? But when the dad is too thick to understand it or too selfish, then why would the ds?

This is truly in your dp's hands. He can make it work. Or not. At the moment he doesn't give a stuff what you need, and so nor will his son. And forever the ds will be trotted out as the reason why op can't do wahst she needs to do (unless it's exactly what the dp wants).

One thing's for pretty sure. He won't won't be 'd' for too long.

OP, the longer you stay with this delightful caring generous git, the longer it'll be before you meet an actual man who is worth your salt.

OP, I'm echoing other posters in saying don't move in. For all the reasons they're saying.

You have what sounds like an interesting job (and I love gadgets) and also a set-up that works for you. You need the security for your job, and instead this wazzock is trying to push you into agreeing that you have trust issues with his son and that you won't have locks.

How controlling this seems. If his son doesn't visit your home, then the set-uop is not aimed at him and on moving in with him it's totally reasonable to expect to replicate the set-up.

He sees this as his house, therefore his rules. Been there, and finally got out.

Don't move in.