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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want a lock on the door?

104 replies

elfintraining · 09/10/2018 00:16

Back story as to not drip feed too much.

DP has a DC from previous relationship who is in high school.
DP has asked me to move in so hoping to make the transition just after xmas.

DP doesn't get home from work until around 7 and i work from home 2 days a week. If im working from home i usually leave the house at 5 and back around 8. You dont need to know why as its outing but the hours are relevant. If im in the office i usually get home around 7.
DP's DC walks home from school and usually has friends over until DP gets home so around 4.5 hours in the house unsupervised.

Onto my job - again i wont explain in detail what i do but i have lots of expensive devices (mobile phones, laptops, games consoles etc) and always the latest models) i use them on a daily basis for work, they dont leave the house other than may be twice a month when i take certain items to the office and bring them back home again.

Due to the expense of the items i lock the office door at home and also have a built in cupboard for the phones and smaller items which also gets locked.
My house is also alarmed which dials straight to the police.

Now DP and i were discussing on the weekend which room i would have as my office and i then mentioned i would need a lock on the door for when im not there. Absolutely not was the reply...
When i challenged this DP said he doesn't want his DC to feel like a room is "out of bounds" and shouldn't have to feel they are being banned from a room in their own home and also sounds like i dont trust his DC.

I said its absolutely not that i do not trust his DC and if he didn't have his friends over unsurprised it would be less of an issue but it still needs to be locked incase of a break in.

I dont know his DC's friends but what i do know is they are all obsessed with the latest phones and gadgets and a room full of brand new latest models is quite the temptation to resist for kids that age. One particular friend of DC apparently shop lifts on a regular basis and DP has banned him from the house but has still been seen leaving as my DP arrives home.

Even if they didnt take anything, if they should accidentally drop something or damage them ill get into trouble and will have to replace it. Secondly if anything is stolen that isn't a result of a break in i will get sacked due to very sensitive customer data on them.
Thirdly whilst it wont stop a determined burglar it will slow them down but DP says thats nonsense it takes seconds to kick a door in and its obvious that its going back to me not trusting his DC again.

DP knows all this but still insists i need to trust that his DC wont allow his mates in there but i am just not convinced that a group of teenagers wouldn't want to have a look.
Ive tried to compromise by asking for a lock on the cupboard but again im told no.

Am i being hugely unreasonable and untrusting?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 09/10/2018 07:53

Echoing everyone else. You can't mo e in with a man who shows no respect for things you need.

TooTrueToBeGood · 09/10/2018 07:56

However, it just goes to show it will always be HIS house and not yours.

^ this with bells on. The specifics of the locked office is just a symptom of a much bigger problem. He's giving you an early warning sign that it's his house and he is the dominant party in your relationship. You will never be an equal partner. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

TheMaddHugger · 09/10/2018 07:56

I said that becasue of this in the OP

"One particular friend of DC apparently shop lifts on a regular basis and DP has banned him from the house but has still been seen leaving as my DP arrives home." And

"
DP knows all this but still insists i need to trust that his DC wont allow his mates in there but i am just not convinced that a group of teenagers wouldn't want to have a look."

I used the wrong term.

He is trying to convince the OP That something Wont happen, but already has happpened and will happen again. even to he says it wont happen again.
around in a circle we go 🤷‍♀️

QuickPollPlease · 09/10/2018 07:56

Op are you a spy??

RainbowsArePretty · 09/10/2018 08:03

YANBU. It's vital you protect the equipment

RainbowsArePretty · 09/10/2018 08:04

Quick Smile

TheMaddHugger · 09/10/2018 08:09

Quick 🤣 I can see it now. OP's a Spy whose cover is playing, using or selling computer and gaming Equiptment

QuaterMiss · 09/10/2018 08:16

Surely the point of moving in with someone is to enhance your life?

This man is already trying to restrict your freedom. Clearly you enjoy your work. He’s attempting to dismantle your control over how you work. To make you smaller. He invited you to move in? So he can cut you down to size.

Very curious about your wider relationship with him.

Rhondacross · 09/10/2018 08:23

His house, his rules. Don't move in.

Shoxfordian · 09/10/2018 08:25

He's being very unreasonable
Don't move in with him

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 09/10/2018 08:31

I'm not sure I'd want someone moving in with me demanding a lock be fitted before they moved in.
Some of your argument is worrying, an internal house door won't stop any burglar it will only point them in the direction of the valuables. It's very worrying you have confidential client data on devices that is easily accessible to anyone who gets the device surely it should be encrypted.
Unfortunately it seems you have said it is because you don't trust the son's mates and therefore the son, why did you even bring up trust. All you have to say is it is a condition of working from home that I have to lock things away in a cupboard or separate room in case of burglary.

trojanpony · 09/10/2018 08:55

Your DH sounds like an idiot - will he support you financially indefinitely if you get fired? which you know will inevitably happen when there is no lock and something is taken /broken

I wouldn’t move in.

IAcceptCookies · 09/10/2018 08:57

Don't move in.
It's unbelievable that he can't understand the necessity for security in your situation.

Furthermore, he's also fanfaring his authority about matters concerning his house; showing you that he's in charge and you have no say, no opinion. No right even, to make judgements about your own home/work needs if you live there.

Don't move in.

Ninabean17 · 09/10/2018 09:36

If he's like this now, it doesn't sound like he'll be willing to let you change anything once you've moved it. I understand its his house, but it doesn't seem like he's willing to let you have any say. Be wary.

KaliforniaDreamz · 09/10/2018 09:40

You sound like you have an amazing job and your own home and a good life. What is he bringing to it? I am sorry to sound so harsh but really, why let him ruin it?
A PP said he is not respecting or supporting you. THAT!!!!!

This is red flag central. x

Blondebakingmumma · 09/10/2018 09:56

Please don’t move into HIS house.

He is being VERY unreasonable

Good luck OP

Thebluedog · 09/10/2018 10:01

YANBU

NonaGrey · 09/10/2018 10:08

I wouldn’t move in.

DH and I both regularly work from home and gave confidential documents and work laptops at home.

We have lockable filing cabinets and the study door locks. And use them.

Our children are primary school age and we trust them implicitly.

We still lock the door.

nellieellie · 09/10/2018 10:23

It’s clear enough to me. You need a locked room for work. You have one now, in your own home, nothing to do with his DS.

If you move (anywhere), you need a locked room. Again, nothing to do with his DS.
If you move in with him, you need a locked room. Again, nothing to do with his DS.
If anything goes missing/is damaged, and the door hasn’t been locked, YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB.
He doesn’t want you to have a lock as his DS might think being denied access to a room that has nothing to do with him, might upset him.

Mmm, I think we all know who’s BVU here.

Add into that that a shoplifter visits, and that the contents of said room are to teenagers as candy to a baby, and well, your partner seems to have a problem with rationality.

GruciusMalfoy · 09/10/2018 10:40

If you move in with him I'd put money on you feeling like a long-term guest, rather than someone with an equal right to live there. If he really respected you he'd listen to why you need the same level of security as you currently do. YANBU.

woolduvet · 09/10/2018 10:55

If it's equipment would a locked 'filing cabinet' type thing work.
Obviously if you've sensitive paperwork left out then the room needs securing.
Is he aware this is what you already do (without any teenagers) to meet the needs of your work?
So he'd like you to have less security?

woolduvet · 09/10/2018 10:56

And I agree his child might find it odd but surely when explained "this is the security Im required to have for my job" they'll understand...

QuaterMiss · 09/10/2018 11:10

Anyone suggesting alternative security solutions is spectacularly missing the point. The OP already has a set up that works perfectly for her.

Now someone - who is not her - is demanding that she change her current practice to suit a third party.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 09/10/2018 11:21

And I agree his child might find it odd but surely when explained "this is the security Im required to have for my job" they'll understand...
This, 1000 times over

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/10/2018 11:32

Another vote for not moving in.

I was going to say tell him a lock is essential for insurance purposes, but after reading through your updates... just no. Don't!

Stay in your own place.

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