to think if I don't want to get up and dance I don't bloody have to

[Lydiaatthebarre]

I hate dancing in public. I have two left feet and just feel awkward. I am, however, quite happy sitting with a drink and chatting to other friends not dancing. But invariably someone will try and drag you, against your will, onto the dance floor.

It happened again this weekend at an anniversary party. A group of us who hadn't met in ages were relaxing in the conservatory, chatting, drinking wine and having a good laugh. But after about half an hour some one comes in 'what are you all doing hiding in here. Come on out and join the party'. I was prepared to ignore them, but a couple of people jumped up guiltily and started saying 'oh I suppose we'd better go out' and the whole mood was ruined.

Why do some people not understand that if a group of adults aren't up dancing, it's because they-don't-want-to? Not because they're sitting there waiting for the life and soul of the party to come bouncing over to encourage them onto the dancefloor?

From your update OP YANBU. I initially thought a PP had a point in mentioning the type of party where the hosts have planned dancing to be the main focus of the evening ie the venue has a dancefloor and a DJ has been hired - if no one will dance and the place is full of moaners objecting to the volume of the music then it can be a bit depressing.

I do think that people who hate dancing/singing/karaoke/party games should simply refuse invitations to events where those are going to feature rather than sitting there all night with a face like a smacked arse.

I like dancing, but having been in situations where people seem to be being forced to dance or otherwise join in with some form of jollity that they don't wish to, it's really unnecessary, I agree.

There are more than 2 states to exist in at a party other than "dancing" or "sitting with a face like a smacked arse"
Not dancing doesn't make someone miserable or not fun it just means they don't like dancing. You can still have fun chatting to friends etc.

I think you are being a unreasonable, if I am honest

It is well meant, trying to create a fun atmosphere..at a party - and include everyone

Sometimes I will dance, sometimes I won't, depends on how comfortable I feel/how pissed I am

Dancing is not about looking good on the dance floor

"I don't have a problem if people do not want to dance all evening but from the OPs description the group had separated away to a different room ie the conservatory so were completely away from the main party. If I was the host, I'd be a bit peeved if groups slunk off together for the whole evening."

To be honest, I would agree with this. I held a party celebration a few years ago - however one group set up camp in a separate quite room for the entire evening with their immediate family. I did wonder why they had bothered to come, as they made the rest of us feel uncomfortable by segregating themselves - they may as well have, had the gathering of their choice, in their own homes

Lethaldrizzle so true

If it was, I would be in trouble

I'm not talking about people 'sitting with a face like a smacked arse'. I'm talking about people who are quite happy chatting, listening to the music, enjoying a drink etc. and who don't want to be forced to get up and dance.

It's also unfair to say that people who don't like dancing should just not go to parties like that. Sometimes you have no choice, sometimes you genuinely enjoy the opportunity to meet up with friends and have a few drinks. Surely it should be the people who drag others up to dance who should re-think their attitude and stop forcing others to conform to their idea of enjoyment, whether they want to or not.

OP having read your update, I think, in your case I'd have answered "we are fine for now thanks" and carried on talking. But at some point in the evening I would have ensured I mingled a bit with the host and other guests. Not necessarily danced, but if a group of my guests spent the entire evening catching up with each other, I would have been a bit put out.

God no. I don't dance. And I don't go on rollercoasters. No.

From the tone of what was said to the OP, no one even mentioned dancing though, it seemed more about the fact that people had chosen to segregate themselves

'''A group of us who hadn't met in ages were relaxing in the conservatory, chatting, drinking wine and having a good laugh. But after about half an hour some one comes in 'what are you all doing hiding in here. Come on out and join the party'. I was prepared to ignore them, but a couple of people jumped up guiltily and started saying 'oh I suppose we'd better go out' and the whole mood was ruined''''

To be honest, if you want to segregate yourselves from the main host and the reason for the party, it seems rude - and if you want that kind of party, you could organize it yourselves, with the people you actually want to spend time with, as it clearly is not the host who you have come to spend time with

I can't see where anything was even mentioned about dancing whatsoever

Furthermore, no one can force you to dance, anymore than they can to stick your ass in the fire

Dancing and rollercoasters are hardly comparable

Urgh, I hate it when I, a nearly-40-year-old woman, get scolded like a toddler at a party for not "joining in" if I don't want to dance. It's like the rules of society have been set by a bunch of tedious extroverts who think that anyone who doesn't share their enjoyment of certain activities, mostly dancing and singing, is somehow a joyless drag. When did the definition of "fun" get changed to exclude the quiet enjoyment of other people's company?

I can think of a comparison - Going to a party and segregating yourself..... it is like going to Alton towers and then disliking the fact there are people enjoying the rides

Is anyone reading the OP ?

NO one asked the OP to dance..and no one demanded the OP dance....in fact dancing was not mentioned.

The issue was that they had shut themselves away from the party - segregated themselves

I can't see where anything was even mentioned about dancing whatsoever

Its in the thread title to think if I don't want to get up and dance I don't bloody have to

OP meant being called to 'join the party' as in join in the dancing in the living room.

I hate parties but not wanting to dance doesn't mean that you're sitting there looking miserable. I sit and enjoy watching others dancing and having fun. I'm not sitting there with a constant frown on my face(even if I'd rather be at home.)

MartaTam - I see what you mean - It is all up for interpretation

However the fact that no one mentioned dancing to the OP, just 'joining in' - would mean to me, to come and socialize

I wouldn't call myself extrovert, let alone a 'tedious' one, but i love dancing.

Im a Vodka fuelled extrovert.

No vodka, I aint busting out the breakdancing

My OH on the other hand, would rather poke needles in his eyes than dance. even on our own in the house

No, there was a group of about ten of us sitting chatting together in the conservatory, with the door open into the dining room where a couple of other groups were sitting around chatting.

This person came dancing in, asking us why we were 'hiding away', and told us to 'come and join the party' and beckoned to the room where the dancing was. There was no DJ or anything, just some people dancing around to some music playing on speakers. The couple whose anniversary it was were in different rooms, chatting to two different groups of people.

There was an equally sociable atmosphere in all parts of the house, but this woman seems to be one of those who defines the success of a party by how many people are up dancing.

Same here. I have the perfect excuse though. I had a new knee a couple of years back. It works perfectly but they don’t need to know that!

Totally agree. This is why I don't go to parties any more

I would argue that the people talking to other guests and their hosts are being more sociable than someone dancing and not talking to anyone whilst doing so.