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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if I don't want to get up and dance I don't bloody have to

113 replies

Lydiaatthebarre · 08/10/2018 14:22

I hate dancing in public. I have two left feet and just feel awkward. I am, however, quite happy sitting with a drink and chatting to other friends not dancing. But invariably someone will try and drag you, against your will, onto the dance floor.

It happened again this weekend at an anniversary party. A group of us who hadn't met in ages were relaxing in the conservatory, chatting, drinking wine and having a good laugh. But after about half an hour some one comes in 'what are you all doing hiding in here. Come on out and join the party'. I was prepared to ignore them, but a couple of people jumped up guiltily and started saying 'oh I suppose we'd better go out' and the whole mood was ruined.

Why do some people not understand that if a group of adults aren't up dancing, it's because they-don't-want-to? Not because they're sitting there waiting for the life and soul of the party to come bouncing over to encourage them onto the dancefloor?

OP posts:
RabbityMcRabbit · 08/10/2018 15:10

I hate this too, my dancing is as bad as Theresa May's. A nice chat and catch-up with friends is much nicer...

HellenaHandbasket · 08/10/2018 15:13

Yup, I am a firm refuser. I'm quite good company at parties, I just don't like dancing or those 'fun' games.

AGHHHH · 08/10/2018 15:19

Yanbu!

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 08/10/2018 15:21

Fuck. Do people still dance at house parties? I had to dance a couple of years ago, on holiday. I was having a great time til I was TOLD I MUST join in the fun and dance. Afterward, everyone had a good laugh at my expense 😐

MintMunchie · 08/10/2018 15:22

YANBU. I detest dancing and I hate people who do that even more.

pumpastrotter · 08/10/2018 15:23

I cannot dance, I have to be completely sloshed. No rhythm, gangly and angular. I have the grace of a rotting giraffe.
We went to a wedding a few weeks ago, I barely knew anyone and was driving so sober, the groom collared me and over and over demanded asked me to come dance, it was painfully awkward to the point I actually cried saying no.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 08/10/2018 15:24

This is why we had a ceilidh at our wedding. There are rules to a dance. The caller tells you what to do. You move around various partners and as nobody is very sure what they're doing, everyone's as bad as everyone else.

I loathe and detest party dancing - going to a nightclub was never my idea of fun. But ceilidhs are fine.

tillytrotter1 · 08/10/2018 15:27

Ditto those people who thinks they have the right to take photos on their phones of anyone they choose and get very shirty when they get told No!
I loathe, really loathe, photos of me and I don't expect some oik with a cheap camera to try and force me, they run the risk of it landing on the floor.

goingonabearhunt1 · 08/10/2018 15:28

I hate it when ppl try to force you to participate in 'enforced fun' type activities in general, whether it be games or dancing. I like talking to ppl esp when I haven't seen them in a long time and I don't see why that's seen as less sociable.

TheLandsWhereTheJumbliesLive · 08/10/2018 15:28

Yeah fuck that.

I once caused a 'diplomatic incident' with my former boss by refusing to dance at a conference party Hmm

LibraryLurker · 08/10/2018 15:29

I don't have a problem if people do not want to dance all evening but from the OPs description the group had separated away to a different room ie the conservatory so were completely away from the main party. If I was the host, I'd be a bit peeved if groups slunk off together for the whole evening.

MintMunchie · 08/10/2018 15:30

Ceilidhs are even worse for me. I'm dyspraxic and have no coordination and really struggle with processing instructions so trying to dance while listening for complicated instructions is impossible.

I just refuse to dance at all now. I don't enjoy it so it's no loss but I do wish that people would learn to accept that when I keep saying no. I mean it.

MintMunchie · 08/10/2018 15:32

They're probably the same strange people who think that icebreakers are fun.

Lethaldrizzle · 08/10/2018 15:33

My dad never danced and I grew up thinking he was an uptight miserable fucker. Consequently I am now a great fan of dancing and people who dance

pumpastrotter · 08/10/2018 15:35

Ceilidhs are my idea of hell, two of my cousins did them and it made me want to crawl up my backside.

supersop60 · 08/10/2018 15:37

I love dancing and singing, but I would object to being cajoled or guilted into it if I was having a lovely chat with my friends. YANBU OP.

Luxembourgmama · 08/10/2018 15:37

I totally agree i dread weddings for this reason.

MintMunchie · 08/10/2018 15:39

I'll happily admit to being a bit of a miserable fucker, but not enjoying dancing doesn't mean that people are automatically miserable fuckers, even if they might be for other reasons.

MartaTam · 08/10/2018 15:40

On a cruise yrs ago, there was a dancing competition held on the ship. Best dancer couple would win something. Most sensible couples slow backed out of the 'dance' opportunity, but there was this one couple who put themselves forward as great dancers. Announcements were made and a huge crowd (at least 80 people) including me and dh gathered to watch this fascination.

The crowd were excited and the music started, it was a really popular floor filler number at the time. Then the couple started.......one shuffle here, another shuffle of the foot there, some awkward bending, a bit of a weird twist and some strange arm waving. It so happened the brother of the man dancing was also in the crowd and so started shouting to his brother to 'MOVE XXX!' the crowd were a bit quieter by now. DH and I could barely look at eachother, so embarrassed for them. I've always wondered why? just why? Confused

Lethaldrizzle · 08/10/2018 15:42

It's a form of paranoia thinking everyone is looking at you. They're not

PickleNeedsAFriendInReading · 08/10/2018 15:56

yes I hate hate hate this too. It is not at all fun for me, just stressful and uncomfortable and horrible feeling to have to dance. I really don't like it at all, and people refuse to understand or accept that.

You are not at all unreasonable. I'm happy watching too, and I enjoy and contribute that way.

SadieAB9 · 08/10/2018 15:59

I HATE this so much!!! With you 100%! I don't find dancing fun, never had and never will and people trying to force me gives me the rage!

Original poster
Lydiaatthebarre · 08/10/2018 16:00

"I don't have a problem if people do not want to dance all evening but from the OPs description the group had separated away to a different room ie the conservatory so were completely away from the main party. If I was the host, I'd be a bit peeved if groups slunk off together for the whole evening."

No, it was one of those parties where people were sitting in the kitchen, on the stairs etc and there was music and dancing in the main living room. This person just decided that the dancing was the main event and anyone not joining in was 'hiding away'.

The hosts had set up several rooms to be used during the evening.

OP posts:
MartaTam · 08/10/2018 16:10

OP I agree totally with you. I feel the same way about sports. Work events with a team sport included.

JessicaJonesJacket · 08/10/2018 16:13

Hmm, are you sure the host didn't ask them to get more people involved in the main living room? Usually even if a party is using different rooms, the hosts don't expect people to stay in the one side room all night. In fact, we were always taught it was rude to do that.