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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I put this?

77 replies

Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:10

Hi everyone just wondering what you would all do in this situation.

It's a little sensitive but just recently I've suddenly noticed a very strong smell coming off my best best friend. I know she is a very clean person who showers daily and uses AP.

I know this can be actually quite a serious symptom but I'm not sure what for?

I want to address this to my friend and let her know but I want to handle this sensitively and help come up with solutions instead of just being like oh you smell and not actually helping her in any way.

What can I do to help her? And what can the smell be a symptom of? (The smell isnt fishy) ita quite a sour stale sort of smell.

Please go gentle I may not of worded this great but I just want to be a good friend to her because I love her.

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 07/10/2018 23:11

Where do you feel the smell is coming from?

Fatasfook · 07/10/2018 23:12

Maybe she isn’t drying her washing properly.

GreenMeerkat · 07/10/2018 23:12

What @Fatasfook

It can seriously stink!

GreenMeerkat · 07/10/2018 23:13

What @Fatasfook said, sorry!

Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:13

I would say her upper body but not her breathe. Well she hangs clothes on the line and uses a tumble dryer. Nobody else in her household has the same smell.

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 07/10/2018 23:34

Can you act innocent 'omg Laura can you smell that?! Is it me? What could it be...'?

Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:37

Zigzag no that's an awful idea and when she realises it's her she will feel terrible that's not the kind of sensitive approach im going for. Sorry but that is bad advice.

OP posts:
ToadOfSadness · 07/10/2018 23:37

Is she on one of the 'trendy' diets?

Sometimes eating lots of meat or drinking red wine can make people stink. It might not be a health thing, just a diet change.

calderdalechange · 07/10/2018 23:39

Any chance she's pregnant?

flumpybear · 07/10/2018 23:39

Is it bacterial? Urine? BO, fishy ... ?

WelcomeToGreenvale · 07/10/2018 23:39

Don't be coy like pp suggests. She may already be aware and talking like "Oh do you smell that weird smell, what is it??" will only make her upset and paranoid.

Either you say nothing or you take her aside for a truly private conversation and tell her that you've noticed that her personal odour has changed recently. Basically say what you posted originally - that you know she's a clean person, she washes her clothes, but still this is happening.

If she's your friend, she'll appreciate it far more than gossip behind her back or tiptoeing around the issue, especially if it is medical.

Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:40

Toad no diets and she's not a big drinker either. She eats pretty standard meals I would say nothing too rich and plenty of fruit and veg she also drinks plenty of water I can't think of anything she has changed at all to be honest. She has been complaining of some pain in her fingers and blurry vision though I'm wondering if it could be linked?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:40

She is actively trying to get pregnant she had a negative test this weekend.

OP posts:
whatwouldhappenif · 07/10/2018 23:41

Is she low carbing? Detoxing?

Wanttomakemincepies · 07/10/2018 23:43

Any chance she could have undiagnosed diabetes? Ketones smell like pear drops and diabetes can effect vision and peripheral neuropathy so fingers and toes.

sirmione16 · 07/10/2018 23:44

If there's other symptoms she's worried about, and you're close enough to approach the subject then link them all.

Say : I know you're worried about this odd pain and blurry vision, I didnt want to say anything in case it was simply a different perfume or something but you also smell different?! (Act a little bewildered) Not awful, not BO or "monthly" smells, and nothing to be embarrassed about but I've just noticed when I hug you

Or something like this. I wouldn't be offended if that were said to me

Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:44

Welcome I totally agree with you and I hope you don't think my posting here is gossiping just really wanted to get others views or maybe if anyone has had similar they could share?

I think she will appricate the honesty I know she is going to be upset either way though and the idea of that crushes me. My husband mentioned it to be earlier he felt terrible but she came over to visit earlier and the smell was really strong im worried someone is going to say something within ear shot and she is going to here. Ita like a BO smell but quite sour and stale smelling it doesn't smell at all like fish or urine.

OP posts:
Wanttomakemincepies · 07/10/2018 23:45

*affect

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 07/10/2018 23:45

Could it be diabetes, like ketone smell? That's more from your breath though

How long has it been going on? Any chance that it's just a random diet related smell, once had a friend who came into uni one day smelling awful, like gone of garlic and it lingered for a few days and went, think she just smelt after curry.

Are you sure it's not her washing? Maybe one jumper didn't dry very well or something? Or her hair? Sometimes people can smell really strongly of greasy hair.

I would maybe try and identify the smell before talking to her. But you definitely do need to talk to her. In a way I would be reassured if someone told me I smelt because I'm always worried I smell and no one has told me. If someone told me I smelt whilst it would be embarrassing for those 5 minutes long term is be grateful I had someone who could tall me that I smelt.

GreenMeerkat · 07/10/2018 23:46

Could it be her period then if she's recently had a negative test?

I'm in late pregnancy at the moment and last few weeks (since I've got bigger) I've noticed that I get really sweaty underneath my boobs and it does smell pretty stale unless I slather the area with AP (so glamorous Blush). If she's trying to get pg she could have recently stopped hormonal contraception which can change body composition and cause more sweating (e.g. under boobs!)

Blameanamechange · 07/10/2018 23:46

Maybe shes wearing some perfume thats gone off and she doesnt realise it? Has a problen with a deodorant reacting with her skin? Id prefer to know if I was her. Just say " As we are sych close friends I know you would do the same for me and Im just saying as a true friend that you seem to smell a little bit different recently. Im just a bit concerned that you may be unwell and are unaware? Or have changed perfume and it doesnt suit you?" or just strike up a conversation saying have you changed yr perfume? Then when she says no or asks if you like it this then gives you an "in" to discuss it. If yr good friends she will understand that yr concern is coming from a good place. I would hope my friends would as honest as this.

Original poster
Nurserymom · 07/10/2018 23:48

Sorry for all the typos in my last message im on my phone and was trying to type fast.

It's been doing on for a couple of weeks the smell is constantly bad regardless of how long it's been since she got out the shower or the clothes she is wearing.

OP posts:
iliketomoveitmoveitMOVEIT · 07/10/2018 23:51

You say she’s your best friend. Ok - say it were you. How would you want her to approach it? Say nothing because you’d rather not know or hear it from a stranger as it would be less embarrassing? Or tell you as gently as she could?

That’s probably your answer, OP. Good luck!

iliketomoveitmoveitMOVEIT · 07/10/2018 23:52

(I mean your answer is probably your answer - I didn’t mean to answer it either way myself!!)

Wanttomakemincepies · 07/10/2018 23:53

You need to bite the bullet and tell her. I would want someone to tell me. She could know what it is and not realise others can smell it too. Just make sure nobody can overhear the conversation.