Wedding Blues

[LoretoGirl]

I have written about how upset I am about my wedding on here before and was absolutely flamed which I totally got.
I was criticised for not clearing the date with my family with the result my Sister-in-Law couldn’t come as her best friend was getting married on the same day and while my brother is coming he will leave after the meal to join my sister-in-law.
I wanted my niece to be my bridesmaid but was told this wouldn’t be possible as SiL would be too stressed getting her ready. I followed advice on here and suggested that my brother would no longer be an usher and look after niece. He feels that while it’s sad that niece won’t have moment in the sun he wants to be able to enjoy his only sister’s wedding without having to stay sober and babysit. ( He is a doctor and a completely hands-on father - saying this as he was criticised on previous thread) He feels that when it’s time to leave it would be too difficult.
There was never objections to my 10 year old nephew being there but on reflection they don’t want him there either as the ‘logistics’ will be difficult.
My dad spoke to my sister-in-law about timings etc. It turns out she could attend my ceremony but isn’t willing to miss the prep for friend’s wedding and will not contemplate leaving that wedding to come to mine in evening.
What is worse is they would prefer if I didn’t extend invitation to cousin’s two kids who are close to my niece and nephew in case they talk about wedding. All talk of my wedding is banned in front of kids!
I know I should have cleared date but feel no one is meeting me half way. Sister-in-law on the only time I have seen her without kids said she was sorry but it was all so ‘unfortunate’.
My niece and nephew will now be at home with an au pair rather than celebrating one of the most important days of my life. My parents are devastated.

In your other posts I completely misread the cousin's children thing. I do think your DB and SiL expecting you to not give other people roles because they don't want to deal with their children hearing about it is very unreasonable of them. It's all unfortunate (as you have said) but their commitment only affects their attendance, it's nothing to do with the rest of the wedding and you have every right to treat the other children attending as you see fit provided you aren't deliberately doing it to annoy them.

And your brother's choices, obviously

Precisely Hellana but it’s SiL’s choices he keeps harping on about!

Your brother is being incredibly generous to attend two events in the same day.

‘Incredibly generous’? He’s skipping his own’s sister’s wedding reception because his princess of a wife can’t possibly not dance with him at someone else’s wedding. He’s refusing to bring his children because it means he can’t get pissed. Show me the generous part!

I suppose from the sil and dbro’s perspective, their dcs are missing out because the op booked without checking if they could make it. It is a bit of a shame for their dcs that they’re missing out. Mind you, he could just come to the op’s wedding and watch his own kids while why’re doing their bridesmaid duties 🤷‍♀️. The whole “I want my parents’ attention on the day” thing, makes me think the op’s being a bit of a diva too though. It sounds like what should be a nice occasion has turned sour because everyone is being a bit precious; the sil can’t possibly miss out on a dance with her dh at her friend’s wedding, the dbro can’t possibly look after his own dcs, the op can’t possible move the date (£9000 DEPOSIT? Wtf?) and the grandparents can’t possibly look after their gcs because all eyes need to be on the bride. All sounds a bit silly to me. I don’t think the brother and sil can dictate about other children, but it’s gokng to cause ill feeling. The whole event is going to cause ill feeling by the sounds of things. What a shame.

While they’re*

Hello Thank you everyone. I didn’t want to post again because I am coming to terms with it. However the bit where I want my parents’ eyes on me related to just the morning when people suggested my niece stayed with us. I wanted my mother’s help and not be distracted by my five year old niece! I diowang my dad distracted when he saw me in my dress for the first time. If this makes me a bridezilla a bridezilla be I.

SIL has a prior engagement- to support her friend on the morning of the wedding and attend ceremony and day reception-unfortunately she has to keep to it.
As you are family I would suggest your brother and kids come to the wedding and SIL joins them for the evening do. Her friend will surely understand?
Or are the 2 weddings hundreds of miles apart?

Sister-in-law point blank refuses to leave friend’s wedding at any point.

I think you might find you end up no contact with darling SIL. Weddings bring out the worst in people- I haven’t spoken to my FIL and his evil witch erm I mean wife, since ours

So my niece and nephew will be at home alone with au pair from Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon. Extremely sad

Fucks sake you’re being such a drama lama.

How self involved can you be to want your SIL to fuck about going backwards and forwards to two weddings? Her BFs wedding was arranged first.

Your brother is coming. Why are you still making this into an issue?

The kids will be fine at home with the au pair.

Honestly you sounds such hard work.

I think SiL is perfectly reasonable attending her BF wedding. I'm not sure why your brother can't just bring the kids to your wedding though.

I didn’t want my dad distracted when he saw me in my dress for the first time

Yup. Definitely bridezilla.

Have you told your dad what reaction he must give to you revealing your dress to him?

Sorry, don’t want to be catty, but you’ve put it there in print yourself. I’m just

Have you told your dad what reaction he must give to you revealing your dress to him?

Yeah I remember my dad nodded at me the first time he saw me in my dress and went back to making himself a sandwich... Not a dry eye in the house. Glad he wasn’t distracted at all .

Sort but your sil is totally within her rights to not attend your wedding. Her best friend will be her priority. Major oversight on your part for not checking that all the main people can’t attend before setting the date.

You are very unreasonable to not check the date with your family. That was stupid.

And I can roll out my favourite maxim-

a good compromise leaves everyone unhappy

Be very careful to HALT anymore bad feeling about your sil, her wedding and how your DB is having to juggle it all. It’s nightmare all round.

You have been very foolish.

We didn't check with anyone when we set a date for our wedding. My sister couldn't come but that was fine with me, she already had something planned.

We didn't check with anyone when we set a date for our wedding. My sister couldn't come but that was fine with me

This is exactly the thing; if you don’t care if someone comes or not, you obviously don’t need to ask beforehand, but if you care as much as the op obviously does, it seems very silly not to ask first.

Good Luck with your Wedding OP.. you will have a wonderful day without drama ... you enjoy YOUR Day with those who deserve your time and I'd certainly reconsider giving the attending kids a role at your Wedding... there are vacant roles... get your pageboys and flower girls sorted... don't limit your plans for your own Wedding because your DB and Sil cannot be there .. Enjoy

Or, you could find that you wait months for a suitable date and you find that someone still likes to pick fault and interfere anyway.

your whole family sound like drama llamas. If you allowed your parents to babysit their own grandchildren wouldn't this be at least partially solved? They are not babies so it's quite likely that your parents will still enjoy the evening. I;ve been to plenty of weddings with my kids and had a great time.

1. you are bridezilla for dictating that your parents cannot babysit their own grandchildren
2. your brother clearly should prioritise his own sister's wedding and is a dick for leaving early and involving you in any of the logistical problems this presents
3. Your sil sounds like she is being deliberately difficult about the cousins because of your refusal to allow parents to babysit.
4. whether you invite the cousins is up to you - you want them there so invite them ffs!

You can't control your brother's actions but you can let him know he is letting you down, I would. You can control your own actions and you could partially solve things for your niece and nephew by allowing grandarents to care for them. For me this would be the compromise.If your bro and SIL still choose to leave them with au pair for the weekend that's their problem. As for the cousins, how dare she dictate, you must invite them.

my suggestion to let your parents look after your niece and nephew is in reference to the evening, I would expect your brother to care for them in the daytime if he is not prepared to and he is leaving early then he sounds like a selfish dick to be honest but there's nothing you can do about that

My sil was upset because her dbro didn't bring his kids ( who would've been attendants) to her wedding, they wanted to relax and enjoy it, she saw it as a family day. She made her feelings known and left it as that, ultimately there was nothing she could do.