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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Locust DH (lighthearted ... well a bit anyway!)

112 replies

flumpybear · 07/10/2018 08:55

My DH is a bloody locust - you can bet your life you buy something nice and it just disappears. It's stupid things like I'll buy ice cream for the family, not just one pot but plenty to go around, and mix of everything we all like, there's something usually small like a Haagen daaz small pot of something which I chose to eat when I'm rewarding myself as I try to be good with eating

You can almost guarantee he'll snaffle it. He comes out with a barrage of excuses like 'it's been there ages' (yes perhaps a week but that's because I wait til I want something, not just hoover it) or 'there was only a tiny bit left' or if he pinches the last of my wine (we drink different types of alcohol ... I literally never even sniff what he chooses as his poison) apparently there's literally every time 'only a small glass left' which is always bollocks! Oh and also bear in mind we live literally 5 minutes from a variety of shops.

So this morning I get up, I went to bed really early as I was tired - I'd bought myself some
Wine (only I drink white wine) and we had some posh chocolates on Friday night to share and I've woken up to literally 1cm of wine left in the bottle (it had 3/4's left which I expressly told him to leave as I wanted some with Sunday lunch today) and all the chocolate eaten - I had 3, there were around 15-20 in the box

I've previously told him it pisses me off, I've also told him psychologically it's a brain fuck because you want to save something for when you want it, except if he hoovers it up like a fucking Dyson then it kind of makes you feel 'oh I'd better eat that treat now otherwise I'll never see it' ... and leads to hiding and all sorts of shit I don't want to feel I need to do in my own home with small treats I buy myself ( I buy treats or nice things for all the family not just me)

Anyway - I'm asking the brutal board for their opinions here - LTB or don't be a selfish wife?! ... or perhaps something in between Wink
Am I the only one? Or do you get the same from your loved ones?

OP posts:
YetAnotherThing · 07/10/2018 09:54

I know this is light-hearted but there is something slightly odd about whole scenario. I cant fully understand the whole 'treat' psychology and putting certain foods on a major pedestal. Knocking back that amount is a bit weird/ greedy and maybe suggests dh has some self control/food issues too. I was also wondering if you live somewhere a bit remote where 'restocking' is an issue so if you fancy wine today it's a faff to get more? I live in central London and basically could restock on most 'treats' 24/7 within 2-5 minutes of leaving house and so it would be a bit weird to flip out over it...having said that I would worry from health perspective with all the guzzling.

newhousenewstart · 07/10/2018 09:55

In my experience greedy people are similar in all parts of their life. It's part of his personality, he's just greedy

AlphaBravo · 07/10/2018 09:56

@flumpybear he's probably just a selfish greedy pig then tbh 😁

I cause murder when my Dh does it. Last week I bought some M&S fruit and nut chocolate nibbles - over 24hrs he ate every one before I even knew the packet had been opened. I went low level ballistic as he knew they were mine for a treat for me. Genuinely I nearly threw him out because it's part of the drip, drip, drip of constant little arseholery behaviours and I'd had enough.

SilverApples · 07/10/2018 09:58

The point is that he should be the one restocking things he’s eaten. And not eating things that aren’t his.

timeisnotaline · 07/10/2018 09:59

I go ballistic. It’s the same as destroying my clothes in the washing machine and using and breaking nice things. Being married does NOT mean I don’t get nice things! It would be a replace as soon as noticed no matter the inconvenience and then I think it might be a going out at 11pm every night for a week to get me something nice. Zero tolerance for what you describe, it’s not a one off accident!

TomHardysNextWife · 07/10/2018 09:59

RLS = restless leg syndrome.

Also known as being kicked black and blue in bed and having your sleep constantly disturbed.

Villainelle · 07/10/2018 10:00

Mine used to do that til I went a bit mental at him. I still hate sharing food with him as I eat slowly and he shovels handfuls of food in until it's all gone. If we are sharing a Chinese he'll just eat really fast and it's stressful feeling like you have to fight for your half of the food! If we are sharing a bag of crisps he will grab the bag so it's sitting beside him on the sofa and I think fuck you why do I have to stretch over to your side when I bought them?! So I move them into the middle and he moves them back again constantly! Yeah I don't share food with him anymore it's actually turned me into a bit of a secret eater Blush

He also does it with medicine. He'll use my canesten on his horrible athletes foot until the whole tube is done then when I get thrush again I have to buy a whole new one. He seems to eat paracetamol, he even wanted to take the child's ibuprofen for a hangover once but I shouted at him so leaves his medicine alone now. FS

SoyDora · 07/10/2018 10:03

DH does this sometimes. Then has the cheek to say ‘you never share’ when I complain about it! I’ve explained that it’s not ‘sharing’ when he eats all of what I’ve bought himself and I get left with none. However he does always replace it without complaint.
In his case it is poor impulse control around food. His entire family are the same. None of them can eat a handful of peanuts, it’s always the whole packet. Luckily DH is a great and healthy cook and eats well 90% of the time, and exercises a lot so he’s not overweight and is in good shape, but it does drive me insane.
He knows his family has food issues.

Original poster
flumpybear · 07/10/2018 10:03

@YetAnotherThing : nope we're very central very close to shops. I suspect it's just laziness or not wanting to spend 'his money' on replacements (we tend to keep personal current accounts each but throw money into joint account for the house bills and cost of living etc. I buy the shopping and treats etc as I earn more, and it leaves us with some spends in our own account each month for ourselves/own bills like phone, car insurance etc with about the same budget each )

He was like this before our salaries were very different by the way hence not mentioning before as it's not relevant but this question kinda brought it to the table iyswim

OP posts:
Original poster
flumpybear · 07/10/2018 10:05

@Villainelle - I think we're married to the same person 🤨

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 07/10/2018 10:06

He goes out to get replacements every.single.time.

Until it becomes more inconvenient for him than pleasurable, he'll carry on doing it.

Original poster
flumpybear · 07/10/2018 10:08

@AlphaBravo - yes! This is him too!
I have some cheesy puff crisps in the back of the cupboard which I've said are mine (he favours s&v) ... I'll need to check they're still there ShockHmm

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 07/10/2018 10:12

He’s a greedy selfish pig. I wouldn’t tolerate that at all, and locking food away from an adult? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. He has no respect for you, the twat

NoooorthonerMum · 07/10/2018 10:16

I cant fully understand the whole 'treat' psychology and putting certain foods on a major pedestal.

Really? I think this is totally standard. I rarely have desert but when the mood really strikes me I like to have something I really like available. I don't think that's weird at all.

KeiTeNgeNge · 07/10/2018 10:16

That would drive me nuts!! I had one of these two but he has finally learned to ask before eating :) Only took 18 years!

KeiTeNgeNge · 07/10/2018 10:17

'too' not two. Stupid phone and autocorrect.

MadisonMontgomery · 07/10/2018 10:19

Ugh I couldn’t be doing with that kind of behaviour. Get some stickers made up saying ‘DH if you eat/drink this you are a disgusting greedy selfish pig’ then stick them on all your stuff. Might make him think twice.

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2018 10:19

This isn't light hearted. Buy a fridge safe and tell him it's because he has the impulse control of a toddler.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 07/10/2018 10:22

Total lack of respect and it wouod really really annoy me.
If this was something that happens all the time, it wouod actually destroy the trust i have in him.
If he isn’t able to respect my request REPEATEDLY the how can I be sure he wouod respect any other request or that I can trust he will do xxx ??

As for him betting annoyed at replacing things... maybe he shouod have to do that more often so he can feel the pain of it.
Maybe too, you shouod remove things he kept for himself for a later date and see how he feels about it...

C8H10N4O2 · 07/10/2018 10:26

Is he 13?

I can think of no other reason why you would be excusing a pattern of self centred greed than it being a temporary brainless thing.

Its not ok in 13 yr olds either but at least they are (hopefully) like this temporarily and learning to be more considerate.

mum11970 · 07/10/2018 10:27

Nothing has anyone’s name on it in this house. As long as you don’t eat the last of something you know will be needed first thing in the morning then nothing is out of bounds.

OverTheHedgeSammy · 07/10/2018 10:28

Other than burying him under the patio - you could pick up a small drinks fridge, the ones with the glass front. They come with locks. Lock it and torment him.....

pandarific · 07/10/2018 10:28

I think you need to have a certain section of the freezer / cupboard for individuals 'private' treats, not to be touched by anyone else, and then another area for stuff for 'the family' which anyone can share.

It needs to be explicitly explained - and then if anyone DH goes against it, they are in a work of pain.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/10/2018 10:30

I think you need to have a certain section of the freezer / cupboard for individuals 'private' treats,

He's a bloody adult, moreover an adult who had already been explicitly asked to leave the OP's wine and ignored her request to satisfy his own gratification.

Its him who needs to make the changes because reorganising a freezer is not going to stop a greedy fucker who doesn't care about anyone else.

Original poster
flumpybear · 07/10/2018 10:31

@OverTheHedgeSammy hhhhmmmm.... patio .... 😈

OP posts:
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