Locust DH (lighthearted ... well a bit anyway!)

[flumpybear]

My DH is a bloody locust - you can bet your life you buy something nice and it just disappears. It's stupid things like I'll buy ice cream for the family, not just one pot but plenty to go around, and mix of everything we all like, there's something usually small like a Haagen daaz small pot of something which I chose to eat when I'm rewarding myself as I try to be good with eating

You can almost guarantee he'll snaffle it. He comes out with a barrage of excuses like 'it's been there ages' (yes perhaps a week but that's because I wait til I want something, not just hoover it) or 'there was only a tiny bit left' or if he pinches the last of my wine (we drink different types of alcohol ... I literally never even sniff what he chooses as his poison) apparently there's literally every time 'only a small glass left' which is always bollocks! Oh and also bear in mind we live literally 5 minutes from a variety of shops.

So this morning I get up, I went to bed really early as I was tired - I'd bought myself some
Wine (only I drink white wine) and we had some posh chocolates on Friday night to share and I've woken up to literally 1cm of wine left in the bottle (it had 3/4's left which I expressly told him to leave as I wanted some with Sunday lunch today) and all the chocolate eaten - I had 3, there were around 15-20 in the box

I've previously told him it pisses me off, I've also told him psychologically it's a brain fuck because you want to save something for when you want it, except if he hoovers it up like a fucking Dyson then it kind of makes you feel 'oh I'd better eat that treat now otherwise I'll never see it' ... and leads to hiding and all sorts of shit I don't want to feel I need to do in my own home with small treats I buy myself ( I buy treats or nice things for all the family not just me)

Anyway - I'm asking the brutal board for their opinions here - LTB or don't be a selfish wife?! ... or perhaps something in between
Am I the only one? Or do you get the same from your loved ones?

flumpy actually it was an enormous grasshopper we saw on the beach last week!

It's really selfish of him
Is this the only way he's selfish about things? I'd bet it isn't.

@teawamutu - he makes excuses like I said in original post then if I ask him to replace things he gets huffy and begrudgingly get replacements (I usually only bother if it's wine as that does annoy me! ) But perhaps I should get him to replace more often when he's being s glutton so he learns! Saying that I usually don't want loads of treats then hanging around 🤨 hhmmm ...

My DH did this once with my tin of sweets, which I could have just about coped with. He then moved onto my boys sweets, which was the point I went completely nuclear. He never did it again, and if he had I would have seriously thought about LTB as it is disrespectful.

It is greedy and selfish behaviour, which is why it is upsetting.

@flumpybear sorry, I think I put that badly. I saw his (feeble) excuses but the reasons you gave him seemed quite practical, iyswim? Not having it there when you want it, etc.
Have you positioned it as greedy, selfish and depriving the rest of the family? Not that it should be your responsibility too, of course - I just wondered.

It reads like he intentionally takes things you were looking forward to enjoying. Is he a nice person in general? I'm sorry I know you meant this as lighthearted, but he sounds mean and selfish.

My partner does this too. I now buy chocolate when I'm out alone and I hide it, to eat at my leisure. This thread has reminded me that I must also hide the vodka bottle that I bought for Christmas if I want any left in the bottle by Christmas.

Yes it is greedy and selfish behaviour. I have never managed to stop him doing it though.

That would drive me crazy and no YANBU, it’s selfish greedy behaviour. In our house I don’t like a particular type of ice lollies that dh and the kids like. I have my nice Waitrose pure organge juice lollies instead. Dh will happily eat both kind. The other day he texted me at work to ask if I minded if he ate one of ‘my lollies’ as he fancied that one instead of the other type. They’re just lollies, nothing special or expensive or anything but as they’re ‘mine’ he wanted to check first.

It sounds like he has a problem. Men can have eating disorders too. I think you should stop buying junk food as a temporary measure to stop him from injuring his health and urge him to get some help for his compulsive eating.

FFS he's an adult. Having to stop buying stuff the OP wants, or having to hide if from an adult, is ridiculous. It means the OP either has to sneak around finding hidey-holes like a greedy child, or stop having any treats herself. I'd go ballistic.

Flumpy, your DH is a greedy git ! He needs to exercise some control and stop being selfish. Keep sending him to the shop to replenish goods, like a naughty boy, until he learns some respect. The odd treat going missing is just life, but he is very much, over stepping the mark.🚶🏃🐷🐽

Exactly what Wizard said - exactly that

It's greedy, selfish and immature behaviour.

If he ate your stuff and immediately replaced it that would be one thing, but the fact he gets huffy when you ask him to is bad.

Keep making him replace stuff.

Are there other imbalances in your relationship?

Replacement, and also maybe adapt the doesn't pull weight at home approach: every time he goes to snaffle something he knows fine well should be shared or someone's saving, tell him to say to himself 'fuck you, I'm taking it all because I think I'm more important than you'. Because that's what he's doing.

UPDATE: he's up, walked in the kitchen and said 'morning ' ... I said 'hhhmmm not sure I'm talking to you' .... he knew, he said 'I was going to replace it this morning' ... I said 'there is no 'was going to' about it, you're doing exactly that'!

In the meantime I've found two of the chocolates lurking under the tissue paper!

Laxative in the chocolates. Now.

Oh and yes he's a selfish git at times, but he does have other qualities .... I'll just need to have a think what they are
😉

My "D"H is an absolute pig when it comes to snacks in the house.

We have a lockable large cash tin that I hid the kids biscuits and gluten free things for the grandchildren otherwise all I find is empty packets.

He's got really bad RLS and isn't supposed to have caffeine or sugar.
He's the equivalent of an alcoholic when it comes to both . And what really fucks me off is that he is 6 ft 2" and weighs 13 stone. But he goes without meals to eat shit.

I feel your pain OP. I've resorted to duffel bags with padlocks on over the years, even a small safe. It should be funny but somehow it really isn't

I love it @Gersemi - a full evacuation style laxitive like Moviprep 😈😈😈

@flumpybear is he an only child? Or with a big age gap between him and his siblings?

Me and my friends realised all of our DH's who are only children do this but those that had siblings close in age didn't (through ingrained fear or reprisals probably 😁)

@TomHardysNextWife - oh no that's what worries me about the hiding - it's not good, I'll need to change my username to SquirrelNutkin

What's RLS?

4 year age gap, he's the younger, both boys. The eldest isn't greedy but can be selfish at tines about other things

My DH is exactly like this. He'll buy me a treat like a chocolate bar, but if I don't eat it immediately he sees it as fair game despite the fact that he bought it for me. Have to hide it before I go to bed otherwise it'll be gone by morning!