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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these hours reasonable?

115 replies

childcareheadache · 06/10/2018 17:28

Most of my friends and family think I am nuts but my DH will support whatever I end up doing.

I currently work in an incredibly flexible 8-4 job earning just over 50k. I have two toddlers 2 & 3.
In 18 months time I will have to leave my job as it is the end of my contract. I do not want to extend my contract which is a possibility if I wanted to but they can put me in jobs anywhere in the UK, although most likely London/Bristol and or where I am now but they can also give me jobs I dont really want and there is little I can do. I am ready to move on. My career where I am is effectively over.

When I leave my current employment I am essentially career changing although most people manage to keep roughly the same wage.

I am thoroughly miserable in my current role. The job is fine, the people are great but I am just so sick of not progressing and I havent progressed since pregnant with my first. I feel myself slipping into sadness and I dont want to end up depressed.

I have the option to leave this job earlier than 18 months. My boss has said if I find the right thing for me they will let me go early. I am grateful for this flexibility. So I have applied for a temp role for 6 months in a location 55 mins from my house. That is with no traffic. Two sets of roadworks have started on that route which means my morning commute could shoot up to 2 hours. I get up at 6 am anyway so I dont feel put off by it but maybe I should? I know people are going to tell me I am crazy but once I am past the 6 month temp contract, there will hopefully be a permanent job and most likely flexibility to work from home etc.

My problem is my husband will be away for the entire length of this temp job so I have sole responsibility for the kids. I think I will need a nanny. so my main question is, is 0645 - 1830/1900 4 days a week (i can keep my CM for one day) appropriate hours for a nanny and do you think there will be people interested in such a job?

After getting through that awkward way I described my situation - we are both in the military. I am desperate to move on. The idea of still being where I am next summer upsets me immensely. I have a reasonably good shot at this new position and even if I didnt get it there are a few other similar programmes I could apply for. I currently pay out £1800 a month in childcare anyway so I can afford the nanny.

My friends all think I am a bit nuts but are excited for me. My colleagues think I ahve lost my mind. But they are supportive. Is my plan bonkers? Also the traffic may not be that bad and I may be able to work from home some. Although it is an internship so need to be seen and all that.....thoughts?

I have name changed as this is pretty identifying.

OP posts:
roses2 · 06/10/2018 18:49

Have you got space for an au pair instead of a nanny? Far more flexible if you need to leave early / come home late and will also be available in case the kids are sick and need to stay home. Also more likely to find an au pair that is ok with these hours for 5 months only vs a nanny.

Original poster
childcareheadache · 06/10/2018 18:52

Can't really afford to pay mortgage and rent.

I have considered au pair but her room would be pretty small. I don't know how happy someone would be to come and be an au pair and live in room the size of a shoe box.

OP posts:
roses2 · 06/10/2018 19:29

My SIL has an au pair with a shoe box sized room. If you give enough other perks eg a decent wage (which is what most care about) then most au pairs would be fine with that.

TruelyTruelyScrumptious · 06/10/2018 19:34

Have you got space for an au pair instead of a nanny?

An au pair does not work the hours outlined by the OP. They are part-time for top up childcare whilst they also study.

Mehaveit · 06/10/2018 19:37

With respect, you are jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. This temp job is NOT your only option. Take some time to find the right role to leave for.

LuluBellaBlue · 06/10/2018 19:39

I used to enjoy driving, however I now do lots of driving and an hours commute to work and it exhausts me. I hate driving now and hate going anywhere at the weekends because I can’t bear to drive in my day off

HellenaHandbasket · 06/10/2018 19:40

Nope, not without the other parent around

LuluBellaBlue · 06/10/2018 19:40

Sorry meant to say - so be cautious about the commute!

Original poster
childcareheadache · 06/10/2018 19:44

If I had an au pair, I would leave them with the CM and nursery and she would just drop them off.

OP posts:
Cantchooseaname · 06/10/2018 19:49

Rent out mortgaged house, will pay chunk of rent?
I couldn’t manage those hours and that commute. But only you know your head!

NationalShiteDay · 06/10/2018 19:51

I think this would only be reasonable if the other parent was around more. It's a shitty deal for the kids otherwise.

fairgroundsnack · 06/10/2018 20:00

I have a nanny who works 0700-1845 (we both commute into London) so I think those hours would be ok although finishing someone just for 5 months could be a bit harder. It would probably cost more than £1800/month for 4 days a week though. I know a few ex military people who have gone into big companies and the schemes are good. I would talk to a specialist recruiter though as there are lots of openings outside those schemes too which might be more flexible.

Original poster
childcareheadache · 06/10/2018 20:07

It too short a period to go through the hassle of moving House.

There are a few other options I am exploring.

If it only there weren't multiple roadworks all happening simultaneously.

OP posts:
Original poster
childcareheadache · 06/10/2018 20:17

I have been unhappy in the work place for about 4 years now and I stayed for the maternity packages. 40 hours of my life every week miserable. It is better for my kids to have a happy parent than a miserable one.
I will think about what you have all said and keep my options open. If I get an interview, I might defy all advice and discuss with the company. See what they say.

OP posts:
nbee84 · 06/10/2018 20:32

I'm a nanny and I work shorter hours than you are looking for - 8-6.30 4 days a week. My wage is £2,600 a month and with employer n.i. and pension contributions it costs my employer closer to 3k per month. It may well work out cheaper to have an au pair that drops off and picks up from the childminder.

LyndaLaHughes · 06/10/2018 20:40

For me the concern wouldn't be the actual commute but the potential of being up to two hours away from my children each day in the event of an emergency. I personally think it is too far for this reason.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/10/2018 20:46

OP I don't think it's about you having to stay there necessarily, just how will your children - who see you every day before and after nursery - cope with possibly not seeing you for days when Dad is already away. It takes one driver half a second to double up your commute, half an inch of snow to do that for several weeks

bringincrazyback · 06/10/2018 20:48

All I'd say is, don't underestimate how completely exhausting a 2-hour commute can be. I had a commute of that length in a previous job and it led to my leaving much sooner than I had planned because it just knocked the stuffing out of me.

Purpleartichoke · 06/10/2018 20:55

That commute would grind me down. I know from experience that I wouldn’t choose that again.

Nanny working 60 hours a week is probably going to cost more than you are paying for child care now. You need to pay a premium for a schedule like that. You might have better luck with 2 nannies.

I would think outside the box. Can you rent out your house and live closer to the job?

adaline · 06/10/2018 21:08

A two hour commute would be absolutely exhausting. Don't underestimate it.

Are you really happy going five days each week without seeing your children? They're young, they should be with one of their parents, surely?

TeeniefaeTroon · 06/10/2018 21:08

My husband had a similar commute, 2 hours there and back 5 days a week. He has just moved jobs with a £10k reduction in wage just to shave 1 hour off of that a day. It was soul destroying. By the time you get home your kids will be in bed so you'll only see them for 3 days a week. I think I'd suck it up for the next couple of years at least until your kids are a bit older.

iamyourequal · 06/10/2018 21:31

By the time you get home your kids will be in bed so you'll only see them for 3 days a week.. No she will only see them 2 days a week! (They are at childminders one day too).

This post makes me really sad to be honest. The OP has a little 2 year old and a 3 year old and would prefer, at this precious stage in their lives, to spend 12 hours a day, 5 days a week at/getting to work to fulfill her career rather than spending time with them. She thinks it’s fine because ‘they won’t remember when they are 18’. My heart weeps for them, and for any woman reading this post and wishing for children.

anniehm · 06/10/2018 21:40

The hours you describe 4 days a week seem fine for a nanny contract, it's hard to get a good person though - would they be live in? I do understand the need to move on with your career beyond the military if you don't want to stay in, but you do need to question if it's the right time to have to travel so far, it's a call only you can make, because none of us know your situation - do you have family nearby for instance to cover for the nanny? They get sick or have family emergencies themselves.

Best of luck

onewayoflife · 06/10/2018 21:45

Next year if the same scheme is on, won't there be a good chance the roadworks will have finished and the commute will be much easier?
If so I'd delay until next year.

madvixen · 06/10/2018 21:48

If you went back into SFA would that put you nearer the new role?

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