AIBU to favour one DSD over the other in will?

[Whatsnewwithyou]

DH and I need to make new wills. I am the higher earner (I earn 6 times more than him) and brought significant savings to the marriage, DH left the house and quite a bit of money to his ex-wife for the children when he divorced.

DH and I met online after he split up with his ex-wife due to her multiple affairs. When we got together his DDs were 14 and 16. Both were reluctant to meet me at first as very close to their mother however in time I grew close to the younger DD and now love her very much. His older DD has always shunned me, spread nasty rumours around our small town and my work that DH and I had an affair while he was still married (not true in the slightest). We now live elsewhere and the older DD has moved abroad so not much chance to get to know each other now. She's 26 now and has never invited me to visit (though she has invited DH), won't accept my friend request on facebook, etc. She has visited us once for DH's surprise birthday party and she does speak to DH on the phone every few weeks.

Older DSD is earning very good money for her age and manages a business, younger DSD is struggling financially and has some disabilities that make it difficult for her to work. I have no children of my own but do have a younger sister who struggles financially.

WIBU to make out a will leaving money to be split between younger DSD and my younger sister and not include older DSD? DH and I have discussed it and he says it's up to me as the money is mostly mine (well, it's ours but I earned it iyswim). He understands why I may not choose to leave money to someone I have no relationship with through her choice. I have a wonderful loving relationship with younger DSD and with my younger sister. If it matters DH is older than I am and not in brilliant health so is likely to go first - though no one can k ow what will happen. I don't know what he intends to do with his will but will probably do the same as whatever I choose.

Sorry, just read your most recent post. I think that sounds very fair and just right.

Yes, your new plan makes sense.

I'm in a similar position . I'd say, let your DH leave his daughters what he sees fit, and you do the same. Step children , in my humble opinion, don't get to have equal shares in your money just because they are related to each other.

I've left equal shares to two of my DSS and one pound to my other SS who has shown nothing but disrespect since the day I met him. The idea that I should give him my hard-earned money ( just to keep him sweet with his brothers) didn't enter my head. I've written in my will , why I've left them unequal shares so they all know.

OP you sound lovely and kind. Your explanation about your dh's ex makes perfect sense. Can't imagine how anyone thinks that is being unkind about someone. It's just what happened.

I hope you will continue to reach out to dsd1, especially as your DH is unwell. Maybe at 26 she will begin to see things differently. Just remember she may have been lied to, she may believe things about you that are untrue. But maybe enough time has elapsed since her parents divorce so she can see you as an adult sees another adult. Good luck.

Hang on, these are not her children! If OP decides to will money to her younger DSD but not her elder, that is entirely up to her. Her DP should split all his assets equally between his DC but OP has no such obligation. It is nice of her to want to leave her DSD money at all but certainly she shouldn't feel pressured into leaving anyone anything. Obviously if OP dies first, what her DP then does with any assets left to him is up to him but OP should feel NO obligation whatsoever to leave any of her assets to the elder DSD. If the house is jointly owned, DP can will his half to his DC to get a quarter each but OP can will het half and her savings howsoever she chooses.

The kids have their grandparents (?) and mother. If dh leaves 25% to each child 50% to you, you can choose who you feel you have the closest relationship with and write them in accordingly. If sd1 has no time for you and has been unkind, tough. Sd2 has created a relationship with you. She would be getting nothing from me!
If sd2 wanted to share, that is her business. You reap what you sow.

it doesn't matter how you've broken it down - this is a stepmother being spiteful to a stepdaughter yet claiming it's only the only the step daughter who is spiteful.

Nonsense, MistressDeeCee. Would you seriously leave money to someone who has always avoided and ignored you, spread nasty rumours about you even at your place of work, and lied that her father committed adultery with you? That's not spitefulness, that is literally the only logical reaction.

His older DD chose not to have a relationship with you, when she was old enough to make up her own mind. You're under no obligation to leave her a penny of your share of your assets and it sounds like a perfectly fair split. Just get a solicitor to draw up a watertight will, in case you die first, to ensure our sister inherits her fair share.

Your situation sounds complex but the update sounds fair enough. I was going to say split your money however you want but make sure the father splits his equally between his children to avoid major falling outs. I was surprised how many people said you should treat the girls the same when you barely know one and she seems to hate you. I think your distributions and percentages could make things quite tricky from that perspective if you both did the same. What if he won the lottery after you died for example? I’d have thought it would be better to be clear about your share and his share and not do mirror wills but the solicitor should guide you though that. If I was the eldest, I’d feel very upset if my father gave more to his SIL than me. You’d have to be very clear about what would happen if you were to go first. Eg would he have a life interest in the house? Would you leave him anything directly?

Do exactly as you wish. Older SD isn't interested in you, you don't need to be interested in her.

You need professional advice in your situation there is a lot to consider. You can protect dh, claim your spousal iht exemption and ensure your chosen beneficiaries take. But not with a diy will!

Oh and I wouldn't leave miss stroppy anything. No obligation to step children

Your update sounds fair and reasonable op. Nobody would leave money to someone they have no relationship with and indeed who goes out of their way to treat them badly. Your dh's money should be split evenly though.