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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my group of friends seem to have ditched me. aibu?

109 replies

Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:08

We are a close group of friends who have all had similar struggles. I found out that one of the friends in the group had left her dog for a few days with her adult son. He had deliberately hurt the dog and friend didnt seem to be doing much about it.

My stepdad got involved and told her that her son deserves to be beaten up for what he did to the dog. Friend has twisted things and reported my stepdad to the police saying he was threatening to beat her son up. Stepdad has contacted rspca to report her son.

None of my friends have spoken to me or answered my texts since. One of them is siding with my friend "the dog seems fine!" One of them is on my side but doesnt want to get involved and isnt replying to my texts.

Im fucking gutted. Im autistic and making connections isnt easy for me and i really though id found friends for life as we all bonded on a really deep level.

Im pissed off that none of them want to back me up and are defending someone who is covering up abuse of her dog by her son. Aibu???

OP posts:
MVLipwig · 05/10/2018 16:09

So you got your step father to indirectly threaten a friends child, over supposed abuse which you didn’t witness? And you’re surprised that you’ve been dropped?

Aprilislonggone · 05/10/2018 16:11

If I am correct the poor dog was shaved to the skin with a razor.
Seven bells the 'd' c needed imo.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:13

MVPIG. He is not a child he is a grown man. I have seen the dog and was very distressed by what he had done.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:15

April yes that is correct. He even shaved his penis and his whiskers and the dog was left with weeping cuts all over, including his penis.

OP posts:
MrsTWH · 05/10/2018 16:16

Why did your stepdad need to get involved? And he did threaten the son! Abuse of a dog is wrong but abuse of your friends son is ok? Reporting to the RSPCA is all that needed to be done, IMO. You could have also challenged your friend. If my friend’s dad had threatened my child, I’d have nothing to do with them ever again regardless of the cause.

AuntBeastie · 05/10/2018 16:17

I think you probably did the wrong thing by getting your stepdad involved, as he turned threatening. I think you should have reported to the rspca instead. I’m sorry about your friends though - ideally they would have stayed out of it and not taken sides.

Aprilislonggone · 05/10/2018 16:18

I would be glad you have seen these 'friends' for who they are.
Poor ddog.

YouTheCat · 05/10/2018 16:18

Why would you want to be friends with someone who'd do that to a living creature?

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:18

My stepdad was really angry and upset. He wanted to speak to her to make sure the dog would never be left with him ever again.

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 05/10/2018 16:19

I think it needed reporting to the RSPCA I don't understand why your stepdad got personally involved. He could have reported it for you and not spoke to the son.

Sorry you have lost your friends because of this.

PurpleDaisies · 05/10/2018 16:22

I’m not sure your friend has twisted things if your step dad threatened to beat her son up. How did he come to know about it?

Families are complicated. While it isn’t right what the son did, it’s not that surprising that your friend didn’t report it.

FrancisCrawford · 05/10/2018 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:25

Purple, he didnt threaten to beat him up. He said he deserves a good kicking for what he did to the dog.

OP posts:
MaxStirner · 05/10/2018 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KurriKurri · 05/10/2018 16:28

I have to agree with everyone that your stepdad shold not have got involved, but I imagine when yousee that level of cruelty it is very hard to stay quiet and emotions will be running high. her son sounds disgusting.

I'm sorry you have lost friends over this, I think actually that might have happened anyway whether your stepdad got involved or not - I'm sure you wouldn;t have been able to just get past the dog incident unless she had totally disowned her son over it. And other people n the group were going to have to take sides if the topic came up, so there was bound to be a rift. I doubt your stepdad's threat helped matters though.

Is there anyone left in the group that agrees with you and wants to stay friendly ? If none of them do and they don't care about the cruelty to the dog, then they aren't worth bothering with in my opinion.

What did the police say out of interest did they take any action against your Dad ? and did the RSPCA come out and see the dog? (and hopefully rehome him with decent people, poor creature)
I cannot for thelife of me understand how anyone could do that to a dog unless they are seriously disturbed Sad

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 16:29

I don’t understand why people assume you got your stepdad to do anything? Presumably he chose to threaten the son (much as I agree with the sentiment, it’s not right) of his own accord?

I understand OP, I’m autistic too, and friendships are something I find very confusing and difficult. It does sound like they’re not very nice people, especially if they’re prepared to defend someone capable of harming an animal.

BunsOfAnarchy · 05/10/2018 16:31

Have RSPCA done anything about this?

PurpleDaisies · 05/10/2018 16:32

Purple, he didnt threaten to beat him up. He said he deserves a good kicking for what he did to the dog.

That’s basically the same as threatening him

NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 16:32

What was done to the poor dog was terrible, but why not just report to the RSPCA yourself straight away?

Your Step Dad threatening this man (and saying someone deserves a kicking is a threat) has not helped protect the dog and it hasn’t persuaded your friend to change her mind about her son.

All he’s done is distract focus from the dog.

Coyoacan · 05/10/2018 16:36

You don't really know people, OP, until you know their negative side and they know your negative side. If you find you can live with what you don't like about them and vice versa, then you will have an enduring friendship.

I don't have a lot of friends but none of them would be capable of covering up for such gross animal cruelty.

RangeRider · 05/10/2018 16:37

I'm with the stepdad.

GemmeFatale · 05/10/2018 16:39

That poor dog. If you’d do that to an animal you clearly have some serious issues. Your friend probably doesn’t want to face that her child is a monster

greendale17 · 05/10/2018 16:41

I’m with the stepdad too

Princess9891 · 05/10/2018 16:43

How did April know what happened to the dog when it is mentioned nowhere in the OP?

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 05/10/2018 16:43

I'm with the stepdad too
The son sounds vile
You don't need friends who think that what he did was excusable

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