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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my group of friends seem to have ditched me. aibu?

109 replies

Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:08

We are a close group of friends who have all had similar struggles. I found out that one of the friends in the group had left her dog for a few days with her adult son. He had deliberately hurt the dog and friend didnt seem to be doing much about it.

My stepdad got involved and told her that her son deserves to be beaten up for what he did to the dog. Friend has twisted things and reported my stepdad to the police saying he was threatening to beat her son up. Stepdad has contacted rspca to report her son.

None of my friends have spoken to me or answered my texts since. One of them is siding with my friend "the dog seems fine!" One of them is on my side but doesnt want to get involved and isnt replying to my texts.

Im fucking gutted. Im autistic and making connections isnt easy for me and i really though id found friends for life as we all bonded on a really deep level.

Im pissed off that none of them want to back me up and are defending someone who is covering up abuse of her dog by her son. Aibu???

OP posts:
MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 05/10/2018 17:21

Trying to be as gentle as possible.
You have reacted as a couple of friends would. They are in the spectrum too. Wanting to do things right and to put them right. You’ve jumped to the rescue of that dog, wanting to protect him and do the right thing.
I get it.
You’ve gone about it the worst way possible because by doing it that way, you’ve antagonised everyone.
I wouod also guess that your texts didn’t help.

I’m not sure what to suggest bar stepping way back and let things settled down a bit.
I’d also contact the friend who is agreeing with you and try and mind bridges WO talking about the dog incident.

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 17:23

That could be what the others are objecting to?

Probably, but then they're not at all objecting to a dog being horribly abused, but are happy to slate OP so I wouldn’t be too trusting of their judgement.

Feefeetrixabelle · 05/10/2018 17:23

OP you can do better than friends like this. Can you maybe join some groups and meet like minded people. Maybe do some volunteering with the rspca to create a new group of friends?

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/10/2018 17:29

I'm with the step dad too, vile thing to do to the dog and it must have hurt to cut all over.

SadieLancaster · 05/10/2018 17:33

I’m with stepdad.

How do PP know about it? Was it in the news or something?

fizzthecat1 · 05/10/2018 17:33

This is all very Jeremy Kyle why is your step Dad involved with your friends lives?

Coyoacan · 05/10/2018 17:33

I'm a bit shocked at how many people are siding with the abuser here. I'm way too old to know anything about autism, but I am also confused about human nature, OP, just reading this thread..

The only thing you can do, OP, is to keep your principles and see this as a way of weeding out unprincipled people from among your friends. You'll be better off in the long run.

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 17:34

I'm a bit shocked at how many people are siding with the abuser here

I’m not. It’s tea time, on MN and OP is autistic. It’s absolutely no surprise at all.

Italiangreyhound · 05/10/2018 17:36

You really are better off without these so called 'friends'. I hope RSPCA act.

Dieu · 05/10/2018 17:36

I'd PAY to watch your stepdad kick the shit out of him!

YANBU. Your "friend" is shit on all levels; as a friend, parent and pet owner.

diddl · 05/10/2018 17:43

"I'm a bit shocked at how many people are siding with the abuser here"

The son?

I might not dump a friend because of something her son had done-it would probably depend on if there was any indication at all that something untoward might happen & how they reacted afterwards.

The step father didn't need to talk to the dog owner & make threats-he could have just called the RSPCA.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 17:45

I saw the dog in person when i went for a walk with my friend. I didnt recognise the dog as he is a labradoodle and has a tight curly coat normally.

After the walk i got my friend to drop me at my mums as she was making me lunch. I was still really upset and mentioned what happened to my mum. My mum was furious and upset. Mum then told my stepdad and he hit the roof. He calmed down a bit and kept asking if he could speak to my friend on my phone. I let him ring her as i was worried about the dog and thought maybe she would take it more seriously if my stepdad rung her. Friend assured my stepdad it wouldnt happen again and that was that.

Friend then keeps texting me asking for my stepdads number, and said if i dont give it she would ring the police.

Next day i had a phone call from the police asking for my stepdads number. I was shocked my friend gave my number to the police.

Obviously i didnt think my stepdad would get so angry on the phone.

Im starting to think i dont want any of these people in my life if they can defend or minimise the abuse of an animal. Its left a really nasty taste in my mouth.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 17:50

I forgot to mention this friend has hurt the dog infront of me before. He was running off and she got hold of him, he cowered and she hit him on the back with the metal lead. This really upset me.

He was also in the car with us and ge kept poking his head in the middle of the front seats and friend elbowed him back.

OP posts:
NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 17:56

Does your “friend” know your StepDad or was he calling a stranger?

Given your update about the continuing abuse of the dog I’m surprised you haven’t dropped her previously?

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 18:15

No they dont know each other.

In hindsight i should've.

OP posts:
BlancheM · 05/10/2018 18:22

I'm sickened to hear about the abuse and I'd probably say similar about the son. But I'd go about things the right way, not get on the blower and start popping off.
So: you're better off without the friends IF they condone the animal abuse. It could be that they're concerned about the volatile environment you live in, and want to back off for a while. Your mum being furious and stepdad hitting the roof is very over the top.

Italiangreyhound · 05/10/2018 18:25

Tobythecat you really are better off without friends like that.

You will make new friends.

MrsTWH where does it say the son was abused? It doesn't someone said he should be beaten up. That's not actually abusing him.

I hope this is prosecuted. Just keep your step dad out of it.

NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 18:29

The problem is then that you facilitated your Stepfather to phone and intimidate and threaten a woman who was a stranger to him.

That might not have been your intention but that’s what happened. I’m not surprised she called the police.

His feelings about the poor dog’s treatment were justified but his behaviour was not.

The right course of action here was to report the abuse of the dog.

Your friend sounds dreadful but so, to be honest does your Stepfather. Repeatedly demanding that you handover the phone number is very unpleasant behaviour. If he doesn’t know her why on earth would he think she’d take him more seriously than you?

I’d give them both a wide berth and make my own report to the RSPCA.

nellieellie · 05/10/2018 18:39

I’m sorry OP. In that situation I would have supported you rather than been on the side of someone minimising an act of pre meditated sick sadism. If someone does that to a dog, they’re bound to be a really nasty piece of work. If your ‘friends’ have cut you off, I really think you’re well shot of them. Of course the right thing to do was to report the animal abuse, but quite frankly, the friends adult son does deserve to be beaten up. Even if it’s not right. If Id have seen a dog that had been cut all over with a razor - (including its PENIS ffs! ) I’d have felt like beating the b***d up.

RubyPreciousJewel · 05/10/2018 18:44

Your friend and her son both sound appalling. I'm sorry but anyone who abuses an innocent animal for shits and giggles does deserve a good fucking kicking and more. That poor dog did nothing but the son made a conscious decision to hurt him. He's nothing short of an absolute wanker.

Cobrider · 05/10/2018 18:47

Bizarre that people are defending and minimising animal abuse on here.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 05/10/2018 18:49

Fuck em OP, you and your step dad did the right thing.

I agree with a pp, I'd pay to watch a cunt like that take a good kicking. Don't abuse animals, it's not fucking rocket science.

Thebluedog · 05/10/2018 18:51

Sorry OP I didn’t realise that the abuser was a grown man. In that case, if your friends are siding with him and you’re being ignored, leave them to it, you don’t need friends like them

SunnyInGrimsby · 05/10/2018 18:53

I'm with the stepdad.
These 'friends' sound awful - well done OP for sticking up for what you believe in.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 18:55

Good god what have I just read. Have you called the rspca. What sort of scum does this, and you want to be friends with these pieces of shit?

Call the rspca, I'm hiding the thread, I genuinely find animal abuse distressing.

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