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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my group of friends seem to have ditched me. aibu?

109 replies

Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 16:08

We are a close group of friends who have all had similar struggles. I found out that one of the friends in the group had left her dog for a few days with her adult son. He had deliberately hurt the dog and friend didnt seem to be doing much about it.

My stepdad got involved and told her that her son deserves to be beaten up for what he did to the dog. Friend has twisted things and reported my stepdad to the police saying he was threatening to beat her son up. Stepdad has contacted rspca to report her son.

None of my friends have spoken to me or answered my texts since. One of them is siding with my friend "the dog seems fine!" One of them is on my side but doesnt want to get involved and isnt replying to my texts.

Im fucking gutted. Im autistic and making connections isnt easy for me and i really though id found friends for life as we all bonded on a really deep level.

Im pissed off that none of them want to back me up and are defending someone who is covering up abuse of her dog by her son. Aibu???

OP posts:
RubyPreciousJewel · 05/10/2018 18:59

Could anyone answer, just out of interest, would the police get involved with something like this or is it purely a RSPCA job? Just seems so horrific surely the son shouldn't get away with it?

FinnegansWhiskers · 05/10/2018 19:02

My stepdad was really angry and upset. He wanted to speak to her to make sure the dog would never be left with him ever again

As would anyone with a decent sense of humanity. Do you really want to remain friends with someone who covers for her adult son when he has abused her dog?

I'd run for the hills if I were you. Poor dog ☹ Glad there are decent human beings left in this world...like your step dad x

MediocrePenguin · 05/10/2018 19:03

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HellenaHandbasket · 05/10/2018 19:04

You're better off without them. But why was your stepdad getting involved with people he doesn't even know?

ilovegin112 · 05/10/2018 19:04

He’s got away very lightly if the only thing that’s happened is somebody telling his mum he needs a good kicking for abusing a dog, I also would hold out much hope of the rspca doing anything either unless it’s high profile enough to make them look good they won’t both

Beautifulblue · 05/10/2018 19:07

I completely understand why your step dad got pissed off & said what he did - because I would do the same. It's disgusting behaviour, imagine how scared that poor dog was so who gives a f if he was slightly concerned someone said 'you should be beaten up' big bloody deal! I bet if photos of what happened to the dog went public he would get A LOT worse! OP I really wouldn't worry, if your friend wants to lose a friendship because she is sticking up for her god awful son then she really isn't a great person so no loss to you!! Honestly the only one I feel sorry for is this dog & I hope RSPCA do get involved!

SleightOfMind · 05/10/2018 19:11

Your instincts are spot on Tobycat, I won’t comment on what her son did to the dog as I haven’t seen the previous thread, but her behaviour is enormously lacking in empathy.

Sometimes, when something really awful or shocking happens, people who are not directly affected are unsure about what to do. They often end up ignoring it so that everything can go back to normal and they don’t have to face it.

I’m sure the rest of your friendship group aren’t actually siding with her or her vile son. They just don’t want to get involved in a situation that looks volatile.

You’re right and they’re wrong - to paraphrase Burke: ‘Evil triumphs when good people look the other way.’

Try and explain privately to your other friends how this all happened (your stepfather shouting).
I’m sure some of them are feeling very unhappy about the dog’s treatment too.

MrsTWH · 05/10/2018 19:15

Surely giving the son a good kicking is abuse? Or just verbal abuse on the phone?

Seeing your updates OP, bit of drip feeding there.

I was absolutely not defending the son - he sounds like an absolute psycho that should never allowed to own or live with an animal again and should be prosecuted. The poor dog. I was just trying to explain to the OP why the friend might drop her for it, which is what she didn’t understand.

What I don’t understand is why you’ve seen your friend hurt her dog in front of you before and not done anything? Why do you care if they drop you, when they’ve all showed their true colours?

justlikeawoman1234 · 05/10/2018 19:16

This really upsets me. What the hell is wrong with people?! I can’t blame your stepdad for reacting that way.

Your friend sounds vile, she doesn’t deserve to be the owner of any animal and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who treats anything/anyone like that!

I once saw a woman kick her dog, I made my dp stop the car and got out. Maybe it isn’t the “correct” way to handle such situations but for me it was instinct. I was so angry! Sounds like your stepdad felt the same and I can’t blame him.

Op I know it must be tough but seriously, if they can side with your “friend”, your better off without them!

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 19:16

It’s other friends who have dropped OP, not the animal abuser. That’s who she is concerned about.

RedPanda2 · 05/10/2018 19:21

Your 'friend' that let her son get away with abusing her dog usva bad mother and a bad person. What else will he do that she turnsva blind eye to?
Sounds like you're well rid. You'll make new friends.

LucieMorningstar · 05/10/2018 19:28

Can someone put a link to the other thread?

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 19:33

Thanks for your replies. Im seeing all of my so called friends true colours now and no, i dont want any of them as friends now ive had time to think. I will always defend a defenceless animal and i shouldve listened to my gut instinct when she first hit the dog.

I dont know if the rspca will do anything or tell me if they do. Her son has a dog and a kitten himself so i worry about them.

The son has a lot of contempt for his mother and for some reason he hates the dog. I think what he did was as much to get at his mother as it was to hurt the dog. Sick fucker.

OP posts:
hannnnnnnxo · 05/10/2018 19:38

So are the police aware of the son’s abuse of the dog?

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 19:44

Yes. Police have seen the dog and said he looks fine and isnt in any danger.

OP posts:
QuickNC123 · 05/10/2018 19:49

YANBU. Be a voice for the silent. Be louder if you can and need to. This dog needs rehoming.

Even if I had no other friends I would dump friends who condone abuse like this

LucieMorningstar · 05/10/2018 19:55

So this guy did this to the dog all over him or just patches? Trying to piece together what happened from the replies and there isn’t a previous post to refer to. Have you contacted the rspca yourself and told them?

McFugget · 05/10/2018 19:58

Good grief, this man has his own dog and kitten? What's to stop him doing the same to them? He clearly doesn't see animals as sentient beings, ie. shaving his mother's dog because he's contemptuous towards his mother.

Please do make your own report to the RSPCA.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 19:59

He shaved the dog completely bald to his skin and the dog has what i assume are razor cuts and/or sores over his body. Not completely covered in them but over his ears part of his body and a cut on his penis. He also shaved of his whiskers and the hair off his face including his eyebrows

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 20:05

On your previous post I thought you said you had contacted the RSPCA?

MarthaArthur · 05/10/2018 20:06

Stepdad was correct and it was NOT a threat. A threat means when you threaten to do something. He didnt threaten to do anything to him. He meerly stated he deserved it.

Original poster
Tobythecat · 05/10/2018 20:07

My stepdad has contacted rspca but they said its not a priority as the dog isnt in immediate danger.

OP posts:
DancingForTheDog · 05/10/2018 20:14

Yet another post where many are determined to misinterpret the OP's post - sigh. Her step-father DID NOT threaten the man who mistreated the dog! If anyone did this to my dog I would report them to the police. The poor dog must have been very scared and in pain. If your friends won't back you up OP you are honestly better off without them.

catpooproblems · 05/10/2018 20:16

I’m with your stepdad

PorkFlute · 05/10/2018 20:23

I don’t think your stepdad said anything wrong and even if he did I assume he’s a grown man with his own mind so not sure why it would be your responsibility.
I know it might not be easy to make new friends but do you really want to be friends with people who defend animal abuse and are more annoyed with someone calling it out than the person doing it? I’d rather have no friends than friends like that personally.