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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
Dieu · 05/10/2018 17:32

Not sure how old your kids are, but I'd be dropping the older one off in the playground early.

Itsnotabingthingisit · 05/10/2018 17:32

It's a shame not to be on time and all that but at the end of the day you are a single parent with three kids so what is one is late a bit! I am married and when I only had one child we were late a lot! Do you know what happened? Nothing. In answer to your question yes, schools should be more caring

Absolutely hate this attitude..why should every other kid be on time and yours not? I tell you what happened , as you were probably too selfish to note, is that every time your kid arrived late it meant extra work settling the class down again, adding them to an already completed register, and a multitude of other annoying tasks due to your entitled attitude.

Frazzled2207 · 05/10/2018 17:32

I think it's a pretty crap predicament. I would be tempted to speak to the breakfast club manager and say look how much money would you charge if I dropped my child here at 8.40 every morning, no breakfast required. And arrange it on the quiet.

Or just put up with the late book every day and make sure everyone knows why. I feel sorry for any family with children in different schools, pretty sure it's almost never through choice at primary age

Cobrider · 05/10/2018 17:32

steppemum I don’t think it’s that unusual, we have moved between various LA and they have all wanted proof of moving to the area (house exchange, rental agreement or similar) but were able to tell us where there were spaces and confirm places subject to that evidence.
Obviously it varies but I wouldn’t be dismissing someone who says that it does happen.

DeathMetalMum · 05/10/2018 17:33

So many of you suggesting the OP should pay for breakfast club. The OP may not be able to afford it. It's not quite as simple as just 'paying'.

steppemum · 05/10/2018 17:34

bloody hell, Itsnotabigthingisit - how more condescending can you be?

Because obviously life doesn't happen to you. You sit on your little smug mountain there.

Meanwhile, in the real world, people have to move and life changes and these situation happen.
And our school applications rules are so crap that they have no need to actually make life possible for anyone.

I know of a case with a mum with cancer undergoing treatment, not able to walk 1 mile never mind 2. She didn't drive. She had an older child in school A, younger reception child did not get a place in school A, but was offered school B, 3 miles from school A in opposite direction (but crucially not more than 3 miles from the actual house).
She appealed on the basis that she coudln't get the kids to both schools, and was not well enough to do that school run, even if she could use breakfast club.
The result? Not our problem.

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 05/10/2018 17:34

Horrible situation OP, but you're not the only one. I would also be dropping the elder one off early. Unless it was very rainy of course. Good luck with it all.

Waffles80 · 05/10/2018 17:38

Will people stop saying she should pay for the breakfast club?! OP has said she can’t afford it.

FFS. It’s staggering how blinkered people can be tonthe very real fact that some, indeed many, are simply not able to just splash out £1,000 a year.

OP - I really hope you can sort it. If you were near me / at our school I would mind one of them / drop them off. Five mins a day wouldn’t bother me a jot; I’d be happy to help out another parent.

steppemum · 05/10/2018 17:40

Obviously it varies but I wouldn’t be dismissing someone who says that it does happen.

I didn't dismiss you, I said that in the current climate it is unusual. I deal with families moving areas all the time, and help with the application process. It has got worse and worse, and overall your experience is in the minority

But (and I can't check without going back pages) I seem to remember you were giving the OP a hard time for moving before places were confirmed, when that is pretty normal.

Italiangreyhound · 05/10/2018 17:42

Itsnotabingthingisit

"It's a shame not to be on time and all that but at the end of the day .... In answer to your question yes, schools should be more caring"

"Absolutely hate this attitude..why should every other kid be on time and yours not?"

I've never said every other kids should be on time. I;ve said it's nice to be on time and all that. The world functions very well with some people being late. The Western obsession with time keeping is not the only way. Truthfully how much does that 5 minutes cost anyone? How much learning is going on in that time. Yet people want to make the OP feel bad for it.Suggest a single parent should give up £1K a year because of 5 minutes a day! It's laughable.

"I tell you what happened , as you were probably too selfish to note, is that every time your kid arrived late it meant extra work settling the class down again, adding them to an already completed register, and a multitude of other annoying tasks due to your entitled attitude."

I sincerely doubt that. Children at my child's school arrive and get settled and one person walking into a class doesn't lead to uproar and if it did I'd say the class had a few issues.

I don't expect any compassion from anyone else, but where is your compassion for a single parent with three kids at two schools on three sites?

Somerville · 05/10/2018 17:43

Is there a class email list or Whatsapp or anything? I'd be putting out a message saying 'any other parents getting children between school x and school y who want to do a lift share?'

Thisreallyisafarce · 05/10/2018 17:44

Of course the school could make an exception. It's 5 minutes and extraordinary circumstances. Make a complaint at the school that is arguing about late drop off, not the one that won't let them in early.

dangermouseisace · 05/10/2018 17:45

I had exactly this situation! I ended up paying for breakfast club/after school club most of the time TBH. But the schools were understanding of the situation and on the times I couldn’t do that they were happy to have kids in the office until I could get there. Being late for school is more of a problem than getting there early in my experience. Nearest place with spaces for all was 4 miles and 2 buses away. I am a single mother though. They might see it differently with 2 parents. When the eldest ones got old enough I dropped them off on their own for 10 mins, on the understanding with the school that it was at my own risk as the playground wasn’t supervised at that time in the morning.

theymademejoin · 05/10/2018 17:45

Those saying that the school can't be expected to provide free care - I think that some schools have ridiculous policies and opening hours and do nothing to recognise the reality of parents' lives.

The primary school my kids went to has before school care that you pay for up until 15 minutes before start time. If you arrive early, they go to the before school. You are only billed if you arrive earlier than 15 minutes before start.

This is to minimise traffic congestion around the school as not everyone arrives at the same time but also recognises that parents work so need a bit of flexibility.

mostdays · 05/10/2018 17:48

we moved areas and had the new school places confirmed in writing before we moved
I wish all LEAs operated this way, when we moved I tried to do just that and my son still ended up with no school place at all for over half a term of year one.

PattiStanger · 05/10/2018 17:48

There are some dense posters on this thread, how can you not understand that if you can't afford £5 a day you can't afford it?

I don't think there's any point writing to the schools, it's not their problem. Unless you can make the effort to try and find other parents who might be willing to pair up with you you'll have to accept the late mark.

Sometimes there just isn't any other answer.

VioletFlamingo · 05/10/2018 17:50

Think it is one of those things that comes with having kids and all the commitment/cost that it involves. You'll have to cut back if you can to afford the breakfast club (having said that, gosh that is an expensive breakfast club - it was 50p at the school I worked at previously and £3 at the private school I now work at).
Does the juniors not allow them in earlier. Usually children of that age can hang about in the playground for 10/15 mins until the bell.

Knitwit101 · 05/10/2018 17:51

Surely you can't be the only parent in this position if there is a separate junior school and you can't possibly be in 2 places at once? Every family at the school with more than one child must been this situation for at least a year, no? Or am I completely misunderstanding?

In that case the school are being ridiculous. Surely they would get their heads together and split the drop off times. But that would be too sensible. Sometimes 'institutions' don't seem to have any understanding of actual family life, which is weird considering many of the staff are also probably parents in real life and having to deal with all this daily shit. This is the stuff that just makes life so much harder than it needs to be. Sorry op, that's just my own mini-rant and not much help to you.

dangermouseisace · 05/10/2018 17:53

PS on appeal when I said I couldn’t afford breakfast club some funding magically appeared.....

namechangedtoday15 · 05/10/2018 17:55

OP, not sure if I've missed this, but you say "we've moved..." and "we've ended up with 3 kids in 2 different schools" so is your husband not around to help with drop off?

Also, can you and your husband get the childcare vouchers so that you could get at least some reduction of the cost of breakfast club? Could you afford it if you could use childcare vouchers?

I agree with other posters that its not down to the schools to find a solution - if they can, then fine, but if they can't, they're not being unreasonable.

Cobrider · 05/10/2018 17:55

steppemum yeah, you might want to check back before throwing your accusations around...

brizzledrizzle · 05/10/2018 17:55

Presumably they just don't get we don't all make all our decisions knowing all the facts.

Why would you make such an important decision without getting all the facts?

Dreamingofkfc · 05/10/2018 17:56

Surely a childminder would cost more than the breakfast club? I would just keep being late and eventually this will flag something and there must be a solution? Other than that, I'd post on the FB page/WhatsApp and see if anyone could help

Menolly · 05/10/2018 17:59

Is there a parent at one of the schools who would be happy to have your DC wait with them? At my school there are some parents waiting 15 minutes before we open the gate each day.

Who you speak to at a school often changes the answer, if you have a family liason officer they are probably the best person to ask for help. It might be worth talking to both schools again, maybe even copying them both in on the same email so they can both see you are trying to find a solution that works for everyone.

almondsareforevermore · 05/10/2018 18:03

Write to one school (not email) stating that your child will be a little late every day because you cannot be in two places at once. Say you do not expect your child to be penalised, it cannot be helped. End of.