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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
londonstories · 08/10/2018 08:34

I am a teacher at a school in Ireland and the school is open from 8. There is always a teacher on duty at that time. There is a school bus that arrives. I don't see why schools can't put staff on for morning duty. I do one a week as art of my working hours.

MidniteScribbler · 08/10/2018 08:39

I do hate the reasoning that some schools have that because they have provided a childcare solution then everyone should use it regardless of whether or not it actually works for them or their dc.

How many different options would you like? Oh, let's have special lessons for students from 10-4 because Parent A can't get out of bed for 9. And we'll get teachers to go door to door and help get kids out of bed and feed them breakfast. Bath time at night too tricky for you? Just tell your child's teacher that they need to come over and help out.

It's not your fault if they can't allocate you all to one school.

They did. OP chose not to accept that option.

ferrier · 08/10/2018 08:40

Breakfast clubs have replaced before school supervision from teachers. When In was at school anything up to 30 minutes before the start of school bell was fine and there were teachers on playground duty. Now everything has to be paid for and there's a 5 minute period between gates opening and school start which obviously causes mayhem.

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 08:44

I’m sure all the parents out there working to afford wrap around care would be delighted to know that if you choose to be a sahp you should also be entitled to free as hoc childcare to make things more convenient.
If the op is adamant she doesn’t want the children to move schools and can’t afford childcare then she could get a pt job to help pay for it. Or as a sahp she could keep her youngest home, take the yr3 and the yr 6 could wait at the gate.
There are a lot of options and the only problem is that none of them are perfect. That’s life I’m afraid. I’m sure a lot of people would love to be Sahps but it means they can’t afford the things they need so they have to work. I’m sure lots of people would ideally like their children in a nearer or better school.

ferrier · 08/10/2018 08:45

It's not your fault if they can't allocate you all to one school.

They did. OP chose not to accept that option.

Did you not read OP's post? The one offered was too far away.

ferrier · 08/10/2018 08:47

Or maybe back in the real world, the op wouldn't be able to get work that pays enough to afford the additional childcare needed.

Bubblysqueak · 08/10/2018 08:50

I have the same problem. I drop reception age child in playground at 8.40 so I get to the other school for 8.55 . Not ideal but being dropped in the playground to play with friends is far nicer than having to do the walk of shame and miss the first 10min of the day .

It would be really disruptive having 1 child persistently late everyday and having to redo registers etc.

If I were you I would either leave one in the playground or book breakfast club .

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 08:50

She couldn’t earn £5 a day while her kids are in school??????

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/10/2018 09:11

I have the same problem. I drop reception age child in playground at 8.40 so I get to the other school for 8.55

Obviously not the same problem because both of ops schools start at 8.50 so op is late at 8.55

I think some people on this thread have no idea of reality.

Just get a pt job to cover breakfast club

Where are these pt school hours jobs that everyone just says you walk into.

Even if op got one of those jobs it probably wouldn’t be term time only and then you have to factor in holiday cover for 3 children.
Just because both parents are working doesn’t equate into having more money by the time you have factored in childcare.

Friend was worse off if she continued to work as childcare was more than she earned

klondike555 · 08/10/2018 09:17

In the rest of the world, it would be quite unusual for siblings to be in 2 different primary schools for lack of room. It is particularly English thing!

Exactly. In every school here, siblings always get into the school their siblings attend. It would be ludicrous if they didn't. There's none of this lottery for school places either. Everyone has a guaranteed place at their local school or are free to choose to another one provided it's not one of the rare ones with a catchment.

I'm astonished at the idea of school gates only being open 10-15 minutes before lessons/school start. As has been proven by this thread, it's entirely impracticable. Most schools I know of have several entryways, some of which are never closed, so it's common to see children arriving up to half an hour before school starts and just quietly hanging out.

I find these sorts of threads/problems fascinating as English schooling seems so backwards by comparison with most of the world.

OP, I'd continue letting one child be late, and when it's inevitably flagged by whomever is in charge, ask them what they suggest as a solution that isn't going to involve money, late marks or moving all three children to a new school far away.

UrbaneSprawl · 08/10/2018 09:20

Just to add to others’ advice above, assuming that one or both of these are local authority schools, are any of your local councillors on the governing body of either school? When I had an issue with something at school I trotted along to my councillor’s surgery, knowing that she was on the GB and had the ear of the head. Her taking up the issue informally as my elected representative was far more effective than going through a lengthy and quite adversarial complaint process. Is this an approach that you can try?

Fatasfook · 08/10/2018 09:23

Pay for privilege school transport. Cheaper than breakfast club.

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 08/10/2018 09:55

^Even if op got one of those jobs it probably wouldn’t be term time only and then you have to factor in holiday cover for 3 children.
Just because both parents are working doesn’t equate into having more money by the time you have factored in childcare.^

Yes, I don't think some people realise there isn't necessarily the option, if you only need to earn a certain amount, of just getting a job that pays you that, in the hours you want, and no more. If OP needs £25 a week, one really can't assume she'll just be able to go and do 3 and a bit hours a week NMW in school hours, term time only. She might well be able to get some kind of self-employed thing going on during school hours, depending on what the local area is like and whether people want many services, but that would likely take a bit of time to get going and meanwhile OP has this issue now.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/10/2018 10:46

They became like Fort Knox after Dunblane

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/10/2018 10:48

That was to snuggybuggy btw

llangennith · 08/10/2018 11:04

What did you decide to do Polkadotdash?

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 11:46

Then get a full time job and use after school care if need be. If you have kids to support you generally need to work unless your partner is bringing home mega bucks which obviously isn’t the case here. Even a dinner lady job or after school cleaning would enable the op to pay for breakfast club.
She also has the option to move her children to the same school or keep her youngest at home if she doesn’t want to work but she doesn’t want to compromise on anything. How many parents get to stay at home and have their children in the most convenient, outstanding school. Not many. Most people have to compromise somewhere.

PhilomenaButterfly · 08/10/2018 11:54

whoareyou why are you amazed? I've said several times that my DC's school is exactly the same. DD 11 leaves just before us and walks very fast, so she waits outside the gates.

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 08/10/2018 11:56

Then get a full time job and use after school care if need be. If you have kids to support you generally need to work unless your partner is bringing home mega bucks which obviously isn’t the case here.

You just cannot make statements like that without any idea of what wraparound and holiday care is available, how much it would cost for 3 and how much OP would earn. It is a fact that in some families, the childcare if available would cost more than the lower earner could bring in, even once children are school age.

Even a dinner lady job or after school cleaning would enable the op to pay for breakfast club

Again, not a good idea to make an assumption that a job usually paying NMW and inevitably involving some out of school hours, ie cleaning after school, is going to leave her in profit to the tune of £25 a week after childcare is paid for. OP says her DH works early, but not that he would finish in time to do the after school care.

A lunchtime organiser job would work, if one is available, but let's not delude ourselves that these are always there ready to be filled. Term time only school hours jobs are often rather popular.

Goldenbear · 08/10/2018 13:15

Yes, these jobs are not easy to find. I have a gold dust job to some as I am working term time in a professional job in my field of work that I worked in prior to having children. I work part time but as I have zero interaction with the children in the school I can work from home alot. I only got the job as I have a masters degree and because of where I had worked previously. The pay is pretty crap compared to what I could get in my professional field in a non term time private sector job and as I said previously my husband has to drop off three times a week to make it work. I don't know the Op's circumstances but to have the job I do without having to pay for any childcare I needed loads of factors to come together, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 08/10/2018 13:37

And that's so often the way.

Certainly if a lunchtime organiser role in the area were to come up, OP would be daft not to go for it. But there'll be competition! And if you want something that's going to pay for childcare, especially for 3, it helps to have not stopped work in the first place.

PorkFlute · 08/10/2018 13:37

Ok even if you assume that the op wouldn’t be able to find work during the school day or evenings that her dh is home that would pay for the breakfast club, which is unlikely imo, she still has the option of putting all children in the same school but doesn’t want to. She also has the option of keeping the youngest home since she either cannot find work or doesn’t want to work.
I’m sure everyone would like to stay home and have all of their children go to their first choice of school but few get to and schools shouldn’t be required to offer free care outside of school hours to accommodate things that are parental preferences.

PaulDacrreRimsGeese · 08/10/2018 13:46

I'm not assuming she can't, I'm saying you can't assume she can. Just work more/get a job gets trotted out far too often on here when people need more money, and the reality is it's not always that simple when there's childcare that needs doing or paying for.

Also, wanting a 5 year old to attend school is evidence of failure to compromise. You're over-egging the pudding a bit with that one. I've not really taken a position on the reasonableness or otherwise of turning down the places at the school a long journey away, as I'm more interested in the assumptions about people's options re work and homeschooling. However, reception class isn't some nice to have indulgence, that a child should reasonably be expected to forego in order to get older siblings to school without late marks.

Believeitornot · 08/10/2018 13:49

My dcs school has a window of 8.35-8.55 to get your children in. So that allows people who need to get to another school to do so.

Usually a school has a window - so it’s worh seeing what that is. Also if the eldest is year 6, they can do the journey themselves or even part of it.

Kate223344 · 08/10/2018 13:55

Given the various responses from the OP, would a compromise be to pay for breakfast club 3 days (£15 a week instead of £25) and be late 2 days?