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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 06/10/2018 18:43

Could the year 3 arrive 5 min early at school and sit in reception/the office until they can go into class?

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 18:54

No, because the school gates aren't open.

DrCoconut · 06/10/2018 19:00

Round here if a primary school child arrived or left without an adult before y5 something would be said and quickly. Allowing the oldest to wait with the youngest would not be an option. Some areas genuinely don't have plentiful and affordable childcare. There is not one childminder or after school club doing school runs for DS2's school and I've been via everywhere I can think of to find one after my previous arrangement fell through. I can see the OP is in quite a predicament.

Lostinlondon999 · 06/10/2018 19:14

School gates do not open at the start of school. That makes zero sense. They open them at least 5-15mins early

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 19:16

They open 10 minutes early. Has nobody RTFT?

Jim8 · 06/10/2018 19:23

The most obvious and logical solution is to put all 3 children into the school that has space for them all. Your only reason that I’ve seen for not doing so is that the children will not make ‘local’ friends. I would say having a child late for school every day is a bigger problem than not having friends living right nearby.
From your replies you don’t actually want a solution at all, you just want the schools to ignore you being late or give you free childcare.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 06/10/2018 19:30

Literally never known a school to only open the gates on school starting time either.

Those that are 'concerned' that a ten year old can't be left outside school gates with a 4 year old. Its really not weird. Having a ten year old be responsible for themselves, yes, that's right. Having a ten year old being responsible for a 4 year old...that's a big responsibility. I've got an 11 year old niece, she's very sensible. She will be in the garden with my almost 4 year old and that's fine. Would I allow her to be responsible for my almost 4 year old early in the morning and on the street, absolutely not

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 06/10/2018 19:34

they open ten minutes early, has nobody rtft

I think most have rtft but a lot seem in agreement that schools rarely work this way. I know at all the schools here the school day starts at say, 8.40 but you aren't late until 8.50 when the doors shut. At that point you go to the office and get a late mark. But...the gates are open from quite a bit earlier, I've arrived at 8.30 before and they've always been open.

How are the children that are going to breakfast club getting in if there's no gates open?!

peppercorns3 · 06/10/2018 19:35

Is there a class Facebook page or similar? If so, I’m sure you will find another parent of a child in dc’s class who would be willing to have your child for 5 mins and walk them to school?

icanbewhatiwant · 06/10/2018 19:51

It makes sense as others have said to move the reception child. Apply for a place. You said you prefer the other school. Then you can leave the year 6 and they will be leaving next year.
I live in the countryside where we can get free transport if we are more than 2 miles from school. Is that an option? We use it for secondary school. But not primary, but it is an
option.
Also our primary has padlocked gates. They get opened at 8.50am Bell goes at just before 9am so only a small drop off window. We don’t have a breakfast club.
OP I hope you find a solution.

Vynalbob · 06/10/2018 19:56

The school is likely to have a parent support worker. Give them a call... Some primarys share so if your in luck it may be one person. Explain the situation and ask for help. I am guessing your children are very young as it seems harsh

RB68 · 06/10/2018 20:00

Just a thought have you invetigated with the council if there is a way transport can be provided for one set of children - if you are rural the route to school CAN BE less than 2 miles and you still get transport if the route to school is deemed to dangerous to walk e.g. no pavement for part of the route, busy road, etc etc - it may be worth talking to the council about transport given that clearly one of the places is not going to be right on your doorstep. If this is the case then transported child/ren are collected and set ff - you then set off in other direction.

gemgemgemgemgem · 06/10/2018 20:00

Do you know any other mum that could take one of yours for the 5 mins? My mum used to do that for some friends in primary school who had to be at work at drop off time. I think the school are being really unfair xx

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:04

MaisyPops I know you were quoting someone else bit do you know anyone who puts there kid in breakfast club for the sake of 5 minutes a day? And would pay 1K a year for that 'privilage'? I can't imagine knowing anyone who would do that.

Jim8 "The most obvious and logical solution is to put all 3 children into the school that has space for them all. Your only reason that I’ve seen for not doing so is that the children will not make ‘local’ friends. I would say having a child late for school every day is a bigger problem than not having friends living right nearby."

I can't really imagine being 5 minutes late being a big issue for a child and if the OP varies who was late it would be less of an issue. Not having local friends could be much more of an issue.

But then I am thinking of it from the child's perspective.

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:07

OP did you say the school your year 3 child is at is the best?

Micke · 06/10/2018 20:11

This 'your problem, you fix it' rules jockeying is something that really makes me angry about the UK these days.

She is required to have the children in school. The schools provided by the council are too far apart to meet both the school's arrival requirements, something has to give.

Since apparently these days you can't leave 8 year olds in the playground (something I might say that my kids last 3 schools strongly approved of - we were told at each that 'drop and run' was preferred once the playground was supervised - so that there weren't so many adults milling around as a security issue), one of the children is going to have to be late. Perhaps you could alternate.

It's certainly not fair to put someone in an impossible situation, that is legally required, and then expect them to buy their way out of it!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 20:14

Tbh you’ve already said that there was an offer for all three kids in one school so in a way you’ve got a solution there already. Or you can use the before school club. Could also defer the year rec child for a year and put them on waiting list to be closer to yr three child, drop off the year six early then year three can be on time this year.

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:15

Excellent post Micke.

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:20

Tomorrowillbeachicken So is it preferable for the 4 year old to miss a whole year of school so the Year 3 child doesn't miss 5 minutes every other day?

I'm all in favour of 4 year olds not having yo go to school but if the OP want a her youngest to go it seems odd she should have yo stop them going for a year for the sake of 5 minutes a day.

Plus what if giving up her place now means she struggles to get them into school next year?

Mightymousie · 06/10/2018 20:21

@micke but they offered her a school that could take all 3? She chose to take spaces in 2 other schools. Lots of us are in this position or similar and you work out how you can safely manage.
Being 5 minutes late regularly actually is rubbish for the child in many schools. She has not thought this situation through before she took it on, but if she can’t afford the childcare then she needs to choose a school and stick with it. Remove one and wait got s space to come up.

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 20:22

Keepingup at my DC's school the gates are open at 8.40, the bell goes at 8.50. Anyone not in the line at 8.50 goes to the office to get a late slip.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 20:24

tbh It is a choice and I didn’t say it was one she should do.it is a choice. Also if my sons school is any indication there was a lot of movement in reception and a place couple open up close to/ at the year three school this year anyhow.

PhilomenaButterfly · 06/10/2018 20:25

At my DC's school, breakfast club children buzz in at the front gate. The back gates are open at 8.40.

MaisyPops · 06/10/2018 20:26

Italiangreyhound
If someone can't get to school for drop offs then they require wrap around care. Logically, take the child to breakfast club early and then get to the 2nd school in good time rather than say 'I only need 5 minutes or so when I do a mad dash'. The child using 5 minutes is a place that has to be staffed and it's a place that can't be used by someone else. In terms of costs the cost to the breakfast club is the same so seeking a reduction in costs would be unreasonable (and expecting school staff to provide childcare becayse it's 'just 5 mins' is equally unreasonable).

To me the LA have offered a place that takes all 3 children. If the OP chooses to create a different situation then the logistics are here to arrange. (If the LA said the only places were across 2 schools I would expect the LA to help financially towards the wraparound).

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:32

MaisyPops I asked if you knew anyone who pays for breakfast club for the sake of 5 minutes. I cannot imagine it myself.

I am not suggesting anyone look after the child fit free. I am sayobg the complex door opening times mean being 5 minutes late seems the lessee of two things. I don't think it is nice for the child. Teachers can sometimes be ride to kids when they are late etc.

Hopefully a place will become available locally and the OP can find a solution that doesn't involve uprooting three kids to a new school ( one in year 6!) Or paying 1K a year.