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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

539 replies

Polkadotdash · 05/10/2018 15:48

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:33

Sorry on phone, bloody typos!

I am not suggesting anyone look after the child for free. I am saying the complex door opening times mean being 5 minutes late seems the lesser of two things. I don't think it is nice for the child. Teachers can sometimes be rude to kids when they are late etc.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 20:34

Tbh she is only uprooting them after being at the school for a month though

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 20:34

And after choosing to do this knowing the logistics.

FruitofAutumn · 06/10/2018 20:35

Have you appealed for a place at both schools? I would continue to be (at least) 5 minutes late every day. As soon as you get a letter about this it will lend wegiht to your appeal.You are allowed to appeal once every academic year

Also try contacting the EWO at the local authority to see what they suggest.BTW I have known other parents in this situation and they just be late every day at one school

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:37

So when the year 6 goes up to high school in September it will be his 4th school in just over a year! Not good IMHO, Tomorrowillbeachicken.

I wonder if the school that does have three spaces and is further away is as good a school as the two the kids are at at the moment? OP

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:38

If he moved again I meant.

(Am I right on thinking Year 6 is a boy?)

MaisyPops · 06/10/2018 20:45

I asked if you knew anyone who pays for breakfast club for the sake of 5 minutes. I cannot imagine it myself
I don't know, but then I don't quiz my friends who use breakfast club on how many minutes they require it for. They can't do the drop offs at the required times so use breakfast club/ childminders/ parental help/ share with friends/ alternate with their DP and generally sort their childcare arrangements.

The door opening times will be such so that there are staff around to supervise.

There may well be other parents who say they only use breakfast club for '5 minutes so it won't be just the OP's child but maybe another 10 in the school. Then you'll get someone who currently use breakfast club for 10 minute saying 'but the school doors open at X now so I'm only needing 5 mins at breakfast club... why should I pay...'

School publish their times. They are not child care. The OP was given an option where she wouldnt require wraparound care and she chose to use a set up where she can't get the children to school on time. The buck rests with her and her partner ultimately. They aren't powerless and withour choice.

RedSkyLastNight · 06/10/2018 20:46

OP wouldn't put her child in breakfast club just for 5 minutes though? If she dropped her in the club at 8.35 that's still a rush to get the other DC to school before the door shuts at 8 .50, so realistically OP would drop off earlier. Plus I expect breakfast club doesn't finish dead on 8.40, they will gradually move the DC on to classes between 8.40 and 8.50

Micke · 06/10/2018 20:50

They offered her a place at a school too far away, and given she's already driving to this one, that could be quite a long way (where I grew up the next school to where I lived was 8 miles away - with no public transport, and my mum couldn't drive - thank goodness back then the local school had to accommodate you!) - when there are clearly closer schools - TBH, this is the issue with this idea of parental choice - it got the council out of having to provide places to children within the catchment of the local school.

My thoughts may be coloured by the fact that growing up, I pretty much checked in late every day at secondary school due to the train being too close for my year 7 legs to make it a mile and a half across town to be in school on time.

My kids go by bus to school, and due to city traffic, are late 3 times a week or so - they are annoyed but cope.

I really don't actually think being late is the end of the world at school - at primary, it's settling down they're missing. At secondary it's registration/tutorial - sometimes logistics means this happens.

Italiangreyhound · 06/10/2018 20:53

MaisyPops I certainly don't expect you to ask people but I'd be pretty gobsmacked if people were all paying 1K a year to fit around 5 minutes a day. It's just not logical.

Schools are not there as child care. I know that. But I was under the impression schools were there for children. One mum upthread said she was getting into debt because of paying breakfast club fees. That seems very wrong to me.

Schools should be places that care about kids and all I see here is these are the rules etc. Where is the flexibility?

It's ok really you don't need to explain because it get. From the views here it is better to move three kids to a different, further away schoo,l than to allow someone to be 5 minutes late. To me that is just plain crazy.

If the schools know that the OP were thinking of removing all three kids then I hope they would help come up with a solution for the sake of the kids.

milkytea · 06/10/2018 20:56

I don't know if it's possible and itll be a nightmare, but possibly drop the 10yr old off at the school early, run over to 7yr olds school to drop for start time and then back to drop off 4yr old. It's really not practical but 4yr olds late marks won't count until they're 5. Until then, get your 7yr old on the wait list for the other school and keep asking for updates.

It's a hassle, but possibly the most affordable option??

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 20:57

I thought the issue with the further school was no local friends not logistics

Lostinlondon999 · 06/10/2018 20:58

@Micke 100% agree but there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m being forced into paying 5k extra a year that is not needed. Yes I sat forced. My LA have decided to change our contracts. I’m now required to pay for holiday time that I do not need.
I work very hard. So does my partner, we don’t even see each other anymore due to the cost of childcare. Unfortunately loads of people are in this position and we are told to lump it or leave.

MaisyPops · 06/10/2018 21:00

Italiangreyhound
But my point is I haven't asked anyone because most people just make the required arrangements.
As PPs have said, it wouldn't be used for 5 minutes only. To make the morning routine calm and organised then the child at breakfast club would get there a bit earlier on order for the other children to be at their school by the on time bell, not rushing up the drive as the bell goes.

Schools are there for children, but they arent responsible for people's parenting decisions and financial situations.

The thing with saying Timmy can be late because mum chose a situation opens the flood gates for Sarah can be late because mum doesn't want to pay breakfast club, and Angus can be late because Mum has to do something else. There is a reason that there is a set time to be on time and it's fixed so that school can begin without people turning up whenever it suits.

Nightwatch999 · 06/10/2018 21:00

My DS2 school literally open the gates when the bell rings, but the teachers would of been stood on the other side talking for 10 minutes beforehand.
The only thing I can suggest is ask another parent in your DC class if they would keep an eye on him. Or take the youngest one out until she legally has to attend.

Micke · 06/10/2018 21:01

@LostinLondon999

It's insane - forcing parents to pay for childcare caused by the local authority's inability to provide a working solution for something that is a legal requirement.

I'm at a loss to know how to even start getting this back to a reasonable situation.

MaisyPops · 06/10/2018 21:02

Nightwatch999
It doesn't matter if the staff were there talking before hand. They are not on duty and aren't responsible for children until a set time.

Lethaldrizzle · 06/10/2018 21:02

I know the deed is done but wouldn't it have been easier to not move?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 21:04

micke the LA offered three places in one school though.

Micke · 06/10/2018 21:05

The thing with saying Timmy can be late because mum chose a situation opens the flood gates

This is the rules jockeying I was talking about.

A parent has been allocated spaces at two schools with conflicting requirements. That parent is required to have her children in education.

A reasonable accommodation is to allow a child to be persistently late - it's a known quantity, it can be allowed for and worked into a routine, no problem.

Common sense can be applied.

RavenWings · 06/10/2018 21:06

My DS2 school literally open the gates when the bell rings, but the teachers would of been stood on the other side talking for 10 minutes beforehand.

Your point being?

They're not working for free and taking the children in before they're obliged to. What a shocker, it's almost like they're not childcare.

RavenWings · 06/10/2018 21:07

A parent has been allocated spaces at two schools with conflicting requirements. That parent is required to have her children in education.

She's been allocated space at a third school though for all the kids, she just doesn't want it. I can see why she doesn't choose that option, but it's not like she was forced into this drop off situation now.

Micke · 06/10/2018 21:07

@Tomorrowwillbeachicken the LA offered three places in one school though.

Yes - too far away - as I said, for my primary school, that would have been 8 miles away - OP hasn't said how far is 'too far' but if she's already driving, and considers this to be too far, it's going to be quite a ways I'd have thought!

How is it better for a child's education to be in a car for 30 mins, vs being 5 minutes late at the beginning of school?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 06/10/2018 21:10

I suppose it depends if she is rural or urban though. If my son went two schools over (mile and a half) he’d be in that situation though as the schools have such small catchment areas here.

Micke · 06/10/2018 21:10

Oh! and of course, because there were closer alternatives (no matter how impossible they were) she wouldn't have been entitled to transport for her kids! So it would have cost her probably at least that grand in petrol.

She's stuck between a rock and a hard place, for want of the tiniest bit of flexibility for a child's arrival time.