that school won’t cut me any slack for double drop offs?

[Polkadotdash]

We moved house in the summer and we’ve ended up with three kids at two different primary schools. I accept that it is what it is and we have to just fit in where there are places. However, after a month of nearly killing myself to drop kids off at both schools, two miles apart who start at exactly the same time, I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children. Neither school will budge. One school has a breakfast club which they’ve suggested I use for £5 a day. £25 per week, nearly £1000 per school year for five mins care (no food required). I can’t afford this.
It’s all been capped off today by one parent (who I don’t know) shouting something at me about the importance of not being late when I was trying to make my four year old run up the hill to school. I can’t put up with this for the next 5 years. What should I do? Should the school be more caring?

I've only just seen that there's a school all three could go to. It doesn't matter if it's not your favoured school, you're not getting them to separate schools on time. If they can all go to one school its the logical solution

Sorry, off topic, but how do you know if there's a WhatsApp parents group for your school? The only Facebook page is the PTA and that's just school dates and events.

On topic - yanbu, and I don't blame you for not wanting to move a child who is happy if they've been reluctant about school in the past.

I’ve asked both schools if they can help to take the pressure off me by accepting one child five mins early and maybe dropping the late mark drama for the other children

Why should the school provide free childcare?

The school can’t just ‘drop the late mark drama’. You are late, and they are monitored on this. Also, it is disruptive to have children arrive late regardless of whether lessons have started. They will either be registering or having input from the teacher when your late children arrive, it’s distracting and loses the focus of the class when your child arrives. To be late every day is selfish in the extreme.

I’m sorry but YABU. Very.

Is your youngest on the waiting list for the middle child's school? Presumably as a sibling he must be at or near the top of the list?

If it’s only for one year I wouldn’t worry too much... I know it’s up to you as the parent but lots of year 6 kids walk/cycle to school alone so he/she would probably be ok to be dropped early and wait a little, there will be lots of other parents about I’m sure! At our school they were there chatting for a good half hour before school started.. not that I ever was, I was always running late! 😆

I have 3 DC who I have to collect from 3 different places. I pay for breakfast & after school clubs to accommodate pick up times. I can’t afford it either and get in debt because of this, unfortunately as I’ve been told by everyone, you just have to suck it up.
I’ve just found out that everyone is entitled to 20% off using the tax free childcare, this includes breakfast clubs and after school clubs. You may discover that you are entitled to vouchers.

I had this and fortunately the schools and parents were very supportive and sympathetic, I'm sure not all the parents are judging you, just the lippy one that felt inclined to make a comment. Most parents are probably sympathetic to your frantic running around.

One school kindly offered that my Yr3 child could sit in reception area for extra 5 mins before school playground opened... we didn't have a breakfast club. And stay there in the afternoon (which was my main concern - he was getting anxious with everyone leaving and him standing there, lots of parents asking if he'd been forgotten/could they ring Mum etc).

Hopefully schools can make some adjustment that helps, either a carpark that allows a quick entry/escape or waiting in reception/library area. It's hard as for your genuine reason there will be 10 CF's that want the same treatment for no reason.

If he's only 4 he doesn't even have to be in school yet -'compulsory' education does not start until the term after the child's 5th birthday. You wouldn't get a late mark in nursery. It isn't your choice that your children are in different schools. If these are council run schools you could contact your LEA -more complex if they're academies- but in either case you might get some joy out of raising the issue with the Governors. It seems ridiculous that 5 mins late because that's when you can get there should threaten to result in a child's self esteem being knocked with blame for late marks.
School is not compulsory -education is. My autonomously home educated son has just graduated with a degree in Zoology. It's an option if your budget will stretch -and my family found it such fun.

Tax free childcare only applies if both parents work enough hours (min 16) which isn't necessarily helpful...

You just need to pay for breakfast club. If you're on your own and on even a middling household income, you can claim over 70% of it back via tax credits. If your income is higher or there are two of your and income is over the threshold then you just need to pay. The school or breakfast club shouldn't need to subsidise you. They probably already have parents using the club who also only need 5-15 mins care but are just getting on with it. If the club is popular I think it is highly unlikely they would offer you a discount as staff/child ratios mean that your 5 mins at the end of the club still takes up a space for the whole session.

It is also quite cheap as out of school care goes at £5 a session. My breakfast club was around £8 and just had to be paid. Part of having DC. An earlier poster said she had a subsidised club at £1 per day and couldn't afford £5 a day. Then said she could 'at a stretch' . This implies that people can manage it but don't want to. If you say you 'can't afford' something but still spend on holidays, netflix, occasional takeaways, get your hair cut at the hairdresser, buy new clothes for the adults in the family etc. .....then you probably can afford it, you just need different priorities and to cut back. Not saying you in particular OP.

How utterly ridiculous. Bring one child in late and bugger it (and the nosy parent). They are being quite unreasonable. What are they going to do because of the late marks? Put you in the stocks.

Forgot to add, regularly being late will prove stressful for the DC over time. Even infant age children know the rules and hate to feel different. If you can, just suck it up and pay the £1,000 for a year or two for your child's well-being. You could even drop off 15 mins early and have a less pressured drive to school with the other two and less stress on yourself.

I agree. On one post the op has said she can’t afford breakfast club but on others she has said she begrudges paying for only 5 mins.
I imagine there are quite a few parents who only use the club for 5-10 mins so the school is hardly going to offer free child care so long as it’s only a few minutes. Who would be providing this care? Would they still be using a breakfast club place without paying or would the busy office staff be expected to do it? Or teachers and support staff who will be in meetings before school or prepping for lessons?
If you need before school child care you will have to pay. If you genuinely can’t then your children can move to the same school or your youngest stay home. You do have options even if they’re not ideal - a lot of parents have to accept schools that are not their first choice.

Totally agree, yanbu. The local authority should sort out The situation. The traffic chaos This must cause. I think it's ridiculous having to pay for breakfast club for five minutes. I'm sure when you get to school the children are only just coming in anyway and taking their coats off. It's not as if anyone has died and you have a genuine reason for being late because you have children in different schools.

I can see why you wouldn't want to leave the 7 year old alone, it's too young outside the school gates.

Equally, pps blaming the OP - even describing her as having failed is wrong. The woman is always to blame. I have insisted my husband takes some responsibility and he requested a flexi start of 15 minutes. He drops off 3 times a week so I can start work early. Father's of this generation have to be the pioneers and raise this in the workplace, otherwise the situation will remain the same for our children. My DH is in a senior post and works as an Architect so I get I might be easier for him to achieve this but then again he has to be on site all over the southeast and has had to assert the fact that he can meet a client in London for example at 9am if he's doing drop offs

They should eventually tackle you about persistent lateness because of the effect on the child. Imagine you have to be at work every day for a strict starting time and have to walk in five mins late every time, in front of every one else. It puts you on the back foot for starting the day and can damage your confidence. I was advised this by an Education Welfare Officer....they take it quite seriously.

OP would it be possibe to book breakfast club for a trial week and see whether the difference it makes is worth trying to adjust the budget for?

The local authority did sort it out, they offered all 3 places at the same schools. The op made the choice not to take that and to make things more complicated for herself!

Wondering why people think the LA should sort this out when there was a school with places for them all, just not their first choice.

I’m sorry but this opens up a much bigger problem. I’m much more concerned that a 10 year old cannot look after a four year old sibling at a school gate. Please be aware that if you fail to give your young children some responsibility, then they have little chance of becoming confident to take responsibility and make their own decisions as young adults. We already see how lacking in confidence some of our children are. My child walked and cycled the 1/2 mile to school with a friend, from the age of eight. He now tells me these were the happiest moments of his childhood!

Sorry Sirzy - cross-post.

I’m much more concerned that a 10 year old cannot look after a four year old sibling at a school gate

I agree with this. Surely the only solution is for 10 yo to keep and eye on 4yo???

It's nice to be able to choose to move or not... My family has enough spare income that I could suck up £5/day. We are on well over the local average...

If £5 a day is an issue driving to the "too far" school will probably cost a similar amount...

Common sense in a split infants/juniors area would have staggered starts across the town - all infants could start and finish later than all the juniors - most schools don't let children leave/ arrive alone until y5 so the problem is predictable.

Very few jobs fit around the school run, particularly shift type jobs, which are probably the most common in the current climate. Retail, nursing, care work, none of which are known for being well paid. In many areas one parent will have a long commute to work (having got on their bike for better pay) and often families will have moved away from support networks to find adequate affordable housing.

Society seems to want people on lower incomes to simultaneously travel to get work, cover childcare, move to cheaper areas and plan all this while stuck on 1 year AST tenancies and finding moving costs every year. Probably as sensible as Schrodinger's immigrants who are workshy benefits scroungers over here to steal our jobs...

@randomsabreuse no but if that is the case then OP will be able to claim more than 20% off her childcare. The 20% incentive is the minimum OP would be entitled too.

I'm pretty sure that our school at least would be texting the parents if they left a 10yo in charge of a 4yo outside the school gates.

I imagine there are quite a few parents who only use the club for 5-10 mins so the school is hardly going to offer free child care so long as it’s only a few minutes.
Who would be providing this care? Would they still be using a breakfast club place without paying or would the busy office staff be expected to do it? Or teachers and support staff who will be in meetings before school or prepping for lessons?
If you need before school child care you will have to pay. If you genuinely can’t then your children can move to the same school or your youngest stay home. You do have options even if they’re not ideal - a lot of parents have to accept schools that are not their first choice.
This ^^

If someone needs wrap around care then they need wrap around care. It's not the job of teachers, support staff or education support staff to provide childcare to suit people's preferred drop off times.

The LA gave a school option where all 3 children could be dropped off in one place on time. The OP chose not to do that. It's not the job of schools to facilitate parents' childcare needs.