To think people who claim they never remember names are dicks?

[FirstOfHerName]

I'm not talking about people who genuinely forget names but rather those who, upon introduction, say "oh I'm terrible with names, I'll never remember yours". To me it's just rude and more or less saying you're not important enough to remember.

I don't mind if I meet someone and then see them a few weeks later and they've forgotten my name - that's not unusual at all, but AIBU to think those who immediately claim they can't remember names just can't be arsed?

Ah fuck it and now I've got your username wrong. Fml.

I am terrible for remembering character names in films and TV. I can easily get to near the end of a series and still not be able to tell you the name of this character or that character if you showed me a pic and asked me.

I won't even recognise the actor/actress! All they have to do is tie up their hair and I look at DH in amazement when he says oh X was in Line of Duty (or whatever programme). Then again, I have watched entire films before realising that I have already seen it!

OP is not talking about people who have trouble remembering names. People who genuinely have trouble remembering names are usually apologetic and ask for your patience.

There is a type of person who makes that statement as a way to dismiss you as unimportant. Its a game of one upmanship. If you haven't come across it then you might not recognise it, that doesnt mean it never happens.

FGS get a grip @MemoryOfSleep

@UpstartCrow That's precisely what I'm talking about

Well this is going swimmingly.

@upstartcrow op is talking about anyone who announces that they can't remember names when meeting people. I wound argue that actually, quite a lot of those people, myself included, really do struggle to remember names.

Actually no, I'm talking about exactly what @UpstartCrow refers to. Sorry if it wasn't so clear in the OP but I'm glad a few people got it.

Get a grip? If you've resorted to that retort, you've lost the debate really, haven't you? No need to throw your toys out the pram just because people disagree with you.

Firstly reading comprehension doesn't seem too strong on this thread is a bit strong given that the actual title of your thread is To think people who claim they never remember names are dicks?. Most people are responding to that claim as the OP wasn't particularly clear and a lot of us might pre-warn, it is entirely dependent on tone and clearly dependent on the recipients perception and general level of defensiveness/their own insecurities.

I am terrible with names, also very wary of saying 'it's nice to meet you' etc because I may well have met them before & they remember me but I have nothing, no memory of them at all - it's not arrogance, it is in part an ADHD brain and a long and multi-chaptered chaotic life.

I wouldn't actually say 'Oh I won't remember your name' in a dismissive way on meeting someone (for the first time or not), nor have I ever met anyone who has said like that (as obviously that would be weird and rude). But saying it to avoid awkwardness, and that would be exactly the same words but as I said, entirely dependent on tone and context.

Thing is, the whole not remembering thing is real. The only reason I can think anyone would say it out loud (other than stone cold indifference or arrogance) is because they want to get in there first and diffuse the potential awkwardness when someone comes along 5 minutes into your chat and you can't introduce 'no name' because it has already gone out of your head.

Or, for example when I'm feeling haggard or couldn't find my make up and have turned up at the school gates and it turns out it's the school fair and everyone is socialising but I look like a bag lady because I was late and working from home and thought I could get away with a grab and run pick up but now I'm stood in the playground looking like I slept in a bush that may have happened last week I tend to make some joke about it so that I've already said what everyone else is thinking. It could be that scenario, what is actually happening is that they are jumping in there with the 'I won't remember' before embarrassing themselves. More than likely if you are secure enough to realise it is their problem not yours and they are simply pointing out their failing rather than your potential lack of importance then it is fair enough.

Or they could just be dicks, there is always that possibility because there are a fuck ton of them about.

MemoryOfSleep
No she isnt. those of us who have met that type of person know what she is talking about, and its a cover for very rude behaviour.

This is like threads about performance parenting, you'll get a slew of people who have no idea what you are talking about and make comments like 'oh you mean parenting'.

I meet new people all the time and I am terrible at remembering names. I find it quite embarrassing, but it's not because I feel superior and can't be bothered! I sometimes forget the names of people I know well. I don't remember actors names. It's an issue.

I think it's because the name itself doesn't have any intrinsic meaning. Or maybe I just have a bad memory. Either way I am a dick. Sorry! I do remember some names I have seen here though - is Anyfucker still around? Cod? 😁

Actually no, I'm talking about exactly what @UpstartCrow refers to. Sorry if it wasn't so clear in the OP but I'm glad a few people got it

Well then, I'd suggest avoiding sweeping generalisations in your op in future. Apology accepted.

I was all ready to be mad at you for your title, but I agree with your post.

I do find it hard to remember names, but I'd always try rather than cop-out and tell people ahead of time that I will forget.

If anyone were to say that to me I'd feel like they were saying I didn't matter to them at all - which while it might be true isn't the sort of thing you should say.

To be clear I have been known to announce I'm unlikely to correctly remember the names straight away - which is what makes me a dick here. It's more because I have anxiety about it than because I truly couldn't give a toss about the people I am meeting. Maybe I will just save the apology for when it's clear I have actually forgotten in future... 🤔

Huh. A bit like the being late threads.

Some people think that other people who don't remember names/faces/the combo are not making enough effort. Just like they late people aren't.
And if you bother to warn someone that you find it hard to remember names, they feel insulted even more, because they interpret it as you making even less effort.

Probably sometime soon someone will write, 'Well ok if you have an issue that genuinely prevents you from remembering names. But apart from that, you are just not making enough effort!'

(Me, I can remember names just fine. I just cannot remember faces. I would be a terrible witness, as I would not even be able to say if someone was wearing glasses/had long or short hair/had facial hair/blonde or brunette or black... I can look at a person and describe them to myself in words, and can then recall those words, but not the face)

On the plus side, its always handy when someone announces up front that they are a massive dick. It saves so much stress later on.

"Sorry if it wasn't so clear in the OP but I'm glad a few people got it."

Your thread title was really vague and hard to comprehend btw. FYI

I was feeling good because I could remember what Anthony Eden looks like, but now I’ve realised that I was thinking of Clement Attlee. Bollocks.

—misses point of thread—

I'm marvelling at your lack of understanding and empathy.

Go fuck yourself. I'm shit with names (and getting them wrong makes me feel horrible).

Try to be a bit less of an arse.. See how that works out for you.*

^This With bells on. You maybe defending yourself on the content of your OP but some people do state up front exactly what you put in your OP. This is to mitigate the embarrassment of all concerned. Along with your statement, I add, I have dyslexia and it would be helpful if you introduce yourself the first few time we meet, after that I will be good to go.
The amount of neurological conditions which contribute to failing to remember names and or faces are too numerous to mention. It would be also helpful to remember that tinkly laughs can be anxiety ridden cover ups.

Names and faces are a specific part of the brain - some will be more developed than others so it is a thing. Names, labelling the world around us, observational skills are not the same for everyone.

Check out the man who thought his wife was a hat.

You are only allowed so many letters in the thread title. Maybe @MNHQ can amend it to stop the pile on.

Well I’ve got two jobs and in both you’d get sacked not remembering names so you just do it.

I have memory lapses from my medication but I just have to work around it tbh.

(One job is working with vulnerable people- relationships built entirely on trust.. the other is 5* hotel and service standards say remember names, so you remember names or you go elsewhere to work)

@paleninteresting

Good points, well made.

I do think its a bit rude saying it, surely if you forget some ones name, especially if you don't see that person much, not many people would be offended if you just say 'I'm really sorry, I have forgotten your name'. I forget all the time about everything, especially people's names (medication side effects) sometimes I even forget people, and I feel really rude because I get people coming up to me and talking to me, I have no idea who they are lol, I wouldn't say that to them though, I just talk to them and hope that I don't have a 'who the heck are you?' look on my face.