To think people who claim they never remember names are dicks?

[FirstOfHerName]

I'm not talking about people who genuinely forget names but rather those who, upon introduction, say "oh I'm terrible with names, I'll never remember yours". To me it's just rude and more or less saying you're not important enough to remember.

I don't mind if I meet someone and then see them a few weeks later and they've forgotten my name - that's not unusual at all, but AIBU to think those who immediately claim they can't remember names just can't be arsed?

YABU and a dick, if you cant remember names you cant remember names.

I didn't say I had a problem with people who can't remember names - it's people who, as soon as you introduce yourself, immediately and loudly declare that they'll never remember your name. There's also a difference between "sorry, I'm not great with remembering names so bear with me" and "oh don't bother telling me your name, I'll never remember it" [tinkly laugh]

Glad you get it @Pickupthephone

Am I wrong to think they're being so coooooool, they can't just say ''oh hello again''.

Or maybe you're not very memorable

YABU.

It's daft to assume everyone can tell who 'genuinely' forgetting names and who isn't.

I recently moved to a tiny village where my family are demographic outliers for at least three reasons, and so we're memorable. I've several times found people know my name even though we've not yet been introduced. There are several nice people who've lived here 20 and 30 years, see my DP and DD in church each week, and clearly think I really ought to know their names by now. But to me, they're each one of many strangers I've met perhaps once or twice, usually in a group, and no, I don't know their names!

In that situation, the easiest thing is to say politely that I'm terrible with names and make them feel it's not personal. Which it isn't.

I would be surprised if many people in this thread can remember when Anthony Eden was alive, let alone Prime Minister. Possibly not the best example.

I think it kind of depends on the name though surely. If it was say Petronella it might be easier to remember than Sarah. YABU to call people dicks for not remembering names.

So people who cant remember names should keep it a secret and look like idiots as a result?

Its polite to point out your disadvantage and explain it to others.

Face blindness is a recognised condition - prosopagnosia. I know someone who can't recognise her own family in the street.

The trainer said to her, ‘no, actually, it’s not that you forget names - it’s that you don’t hear them in the first place’

Bollocks. I cannot remember the face to match to the name.

See, I know what Anthony Eden looks like! (He was the PM between Churchill's second stint and Macmillan.)

(I have walked past my mum in the street)

I can remember names, but I don't have a clue which face matches them. I remember conversations and where we were, and I always look right at people when speaking with them, but 5 minutes later I can't recognise them. It takes me an embarrassingly long time to learn people, any idea of what I can do to improve it? Would hate to be thought of as a dick because of it ...

YANBU. I agree with you. Sure there are some people who may have some neurological reason why they don't remember names but a lot of people who say that are just being lazy. They are not making the effort to engage with a new introduction.

Wow. I'm autistic and yet I'm marvelling at your lack of understanding and empathy.

Go fuck yourself. I'm shit with names (and getting them wrong makes me feel horrible).

Try to be a bit less of an arse.. See how that works out for you.

I didn't ask "when" with Anthony bloody Eden! He was prime minister in the 50s, I thought that people would have heard the name but struggled with the face.
I'm showing my age.

Yabu

Epilepsy and stroke (neither of which you could know I have/experienced if we met) have fucked my short term memory.

I can remember lots of things about a person - a tv show they like, something funny that we both witnessed, but their name is a word. I can’t remember words as much as feelings and visual memories.

We’re all different

I tend to say "please forgive me if I can't remember your name, I try but I'm rubbish at it." Last time I did that and straight after another person joined the group - he then said to me exactly the same! We didn't find it rude, we found it funny.

For me i struggle with nouns generally. If they are specific ones (street name etc) I try and try and still fail. Some will click seemingly at random, most won't.

It's something I hate about myself. By telling people in advance they know it's not personal- I'm forgetting because of my failing, not because they aren't interesting.

Actually, I remember Eden because I've seen him in books. If I see something in a book I remember it. Maybe I need to carry round a big fuckoff scrapbook and an instamatic camera and add to it every time I meet someone. Then as days pass and years pass, with every hello add to it. Until I'm carting the bloody thing around in a wheelbarrow and then a car.

I always find these people also make a massive point of adding ‘But I ALWAYS remember faces’. Bully for you - you can recognise someone

Well, yes. Some better than others. Super-recognizers are often shit with names apparently.

*I'm marvelling at your lack of understanding and empathy.

Go fuck yourself. I'm shit with names (and getting them wrong makes me feel horrible).

Try to be a bit less of an arse.. See how that works out for you.*

^This

I can do names, but not faces. So I have to start lots of interactions with "I'm FirstName Surname. It's possible we've met but I have real difficulty with remembering faces". TBH no-one has seemed bothered yet.

It is quite a pronounced difficulty though. I recently didn't recognise my own child, because DH was driving a courtesy car and I wasn't expecting to see her in a red Ford. Genuinely couldn't work out why some random kid was waving at me.

Funny, this came up at work when a new manager met his staff (4 of them), and promptly said, I wont remember any of that or which one of you is which! said in a very dismissive manner.

I'm not great with some names but I would never say in advance, just tell people you are pleased to met them and if you met them again and can't remember their name then apologise then "Oh lovely to see you again, I remember we met but unfortunately I'm not great with names, can you remind me?"

Damn. Bold fail. Sigh.

@noqont, I predicted somebody charmless would make that remark.

I'm confident I'm no more boring than the average person. I meet plenty of ordinary people and yet I can do them the courtesy of not making it obvious that they're forgettable.

@MemoryOfSleep

My DH has a theory that it's to do with eyesight, that you learn the skill of facial recognition as a very small child but if you don't see properly until corrective eyewear is introduced you lose the skill forever. I'd be interested to hear from people who can corroborate or refute that.

This could be me. I have what I would describe as 'severe face blindness' and, according to the OP, I am clearly a 'dick' as I do apologise in advance that I just don't recognise people, even people that I see fairly regularly.

I am very short-sighted in one eye and it wasn't corrected until Y5 as the other eye had compensated and it was never picked up as a problem.