The school run - what on earth?!

[Livelovelearn123]

Just looking for views on how you deal with the school run and other parents. Before the school run I was more open minded, at least I didnt want to appear rude so would smile in the direction of people I knew, talk to people at baby groups etc. Due to a few bad experiences with some parents, one who was a real stirrer and caused a lot of issues amongst a few class parents, and some that befriended parents for person gain, or to sell their products to, I feel quite nervy about the school run. Oh, and quite bizarrely, some that friend you on social media and then ignore you on the school run! What is that about? I have started to keep my head down and talk less to people, which may just be normal I’m not sure 😁.

I don’t actually know why I’m that bothered about this, I have lovely out of school friends, work friends and a few friends in the class.

Just looking for reassurance and for views on what is normal!

Is there anyone that's pleasant?

I just drop my child off and then go to work. That's normal to me. I will say hi to parents I recognise/know, and make small talk whilst waiting at pick up time. If any one blanks me I assume they're having a bad day, if it happens regularly I assume they're not very nice and am grateful they've made it clear so that I can avoid them.

Greatduck, yes there are some lovely parents.

assassinated, that sounds sensible, do you socialise with the other parents outside of school?

That's good OP, maybe just stand with them?

No I don't socialise with other parents, outside of school related events and play dates. Not that I wouldn't necessarily but I have an established friendship group unrelated to children/school.

Some of the best friends you can make are at the school gates. You can share so much as your children grow up.
But like any group of people, there will be some you don't click with.

I don’t understand the school run angst. Just turn up a couple of mins before the bell and wait. And I say that as someone that has some the run for years.

How do folk get the time to get to know people so well that they try sell products or fall out with them?!

I work full time and thus avoid all this angst.

I'm another who drops my kids off and doesn't bother with the other parents. I say a quick hello to ones who live nearby and ones who's kids are friends with my kids. But I don't really socialise with the other parents.

I think people often worry about this more than necessary.

Lots of people find the school
run itself stressful or suffer from social anxiety which means that while they might have you on FB it’s hard for them to approach you.

First thing in the morning they might be just recovering from a battle with their kids or already thinking about their work day. They might even just need a cup of coffee.

In the afternoon people are tired or rushed or stressed about work or worrying about whether they are going to making it to swimming lessons on time.

Or shy.
Or depressed.

Walk cheerfully into the playground every day, smile and nod at whoever is there and just take the whole thing less seriously.

It’s ten minutes twice a day. It’s not worth the angst.

I think I must be lucky at our school. Dd started in September and I am friendly with mums I knew at her preschool and some new ones i have met since September. We all have a nice chat, ask after each other's kids, how their day was etc, then we part ways and get on with our lives. It's nice, all light and not bitchy at all.

If it was as you described I think I would just wait on my own and avoid it all to be honest. It sounds too stressful!

At drop off, I engage in small talk if I have to then leave as soon as DD is through the doors. At pick up I'm listening to music while I stand in the crowd waiting. Can't be doing with cliques. I have no problem exchanging pleasantries and I am always polite, I have my own friends so feel no need to get too involved.

Some of my friends are those people who I talked to at the school gates.
I make small talk usually about the weather and weekend plans. It’s worth the effort and it’s polite to make small talk too.
I also politely chat with other moms at mom and baby activities we go to with the kids. I politely ask questions. Or start a conversation off depending on how I feel. Small talk usually turns into a proper conversation or friendship I’ve found.

Thanks, you’re right I’m reading far too much into it.

It’s fine when I pick my child up, they are a little chatterbox!

There is quite a bit of socialising and a lot of social media (although I’m not really into Facebook etc) that goes on which is how people know each other I guess. I am quite a sociable person but tend to avoid the group social events and focus on the few good friends I have in the class, and doing things with our children.

It’s a very good point though, we don’t know what people are going through in private.

I don't talk much on the school run because I'm usually tired and stressed. Also on the morning school run on the way into school grounds the sunlight is always blinding and you can't see a thing!! If I don't say hello, it's down to this, or I don't notice someone, or I'm just so damn tired I'm focusing on trying to keep my shit together long enough to drop off/pick up. There are a few mums at the school I'd rather not speak to but the majority are lovely people just trying to make it through the school run like me.

Thanks for your views, I must sound naive, but it really does help to read about other people’s opinions on the matter.

Ariadne, I know what you mean, I have a stressful job too, so can relate to this.

@wipsglitter I just do pick up and get out of there!

My older two went to primary school locally and I felt like most the above. Pick up- whatever, then my next went to reception at a WEIRD school. I suddenly got it. Some would stand in small groups and openly stare and talk, then look away if you said hi for no reason I ever got. Occasionally they’d be really chatty to throw you. They’d be comparing grades/ homework loudly and quiz you forcefully at times. I remember not wanting to join the WhatsApp group (I didn’t want to widely share my number due to my old job) and having one woman try to physically hold my sleeve until I gave it AND demand my details from
the school office as her right to have when I refused.
I’m robust, able to put a stern front on and deal with people but over time it was quite wearing and a bit of a headfuck at times.

during the brief period (thank fuck) I did the school run I deliberately left later so I could grab my kid and leave without having to make small talk. Inspite of this, I still got pulled into some drama, but otherwise everyone left me alone.

I do the whole 'slow the car down outside the gates just enough for the dc to drop and roll'

Saves having to talk to people

@forkit yeah when the drama happened I was gobsmacked that parents could act this way. Afterwards one parent would try and snub me at school, but I didn't GAF. I refuse to engage with that kind of bollocks.

Forkit that sounds like the parent who took everyone’s details with a clip board outside the class for the ‘teacher’s present’ then contacted everyone for a coffee morning to sell her products. I actually complained to the school about that!

It can be quite wearing, I need to decide on a plan of action and stick with it to avoid the stress of wondering if the person you end up standing next to (it’s quite a small yard) is going to talk to you that day, albeit for the few minutes you are there!

I smile at parents, maybe a bit of small talk but I'm rushing for work and just don't want to full on chat in a morning. Dp turns up just at the bell as he has anxiety and tries to avoid chatting, he will smile and look friendly.
My dm has said this is rude and if we don't chat to parents then dd won't make friends, she's told me at least once a week that dd needs to invite friends over for tea.