The school run - what on earth?!

[Livelovelearn123]

Just looking for views on how you deal with the school run and other parents. Before the school run I was more open minded, at least I didnt want to appear rude so would smile in the direction of people I knew, talk to people at baby groups etc. Due to a few bad experiences with some parents, one who was a real stirrer and caused a lot of issues amongst a few class parents, and some that befriended parents for person gain, or to sell their products to, I feel quite nervy about the school run. Oh, and quite bizarrely, some that friend you on social media and then ignore you on the school run! What is that about? I have started to keep my head down and talk less to people, which may just be normal I’m not sure 😁.

I don’t actually know why I’m that bothered about this, I have lovely out of school friends, work friends and a few friends in the class.

Just looking for reassurance and for views on what is normal!

[Wolfiefan]

I wonder what Attenborough would make of the parking wars or the parents who blether on regardless of whether their kids are punching each other in the head or playing roll down the hill and hope there’s no dog shit.

[FinnegansWhiskers]

Wolfiefan

I wonder what Attenborough would make of the parking wars or the parents who blether on regardless of whether their kids are punching each other in the head or playing roll down the hill and hope there’s no dog shit


I often wonder what would happen if I ran out of dog poo bags!

[Lethaldrizzle]

Jesus h, parents dropping their kids at school are just people trying to get on with their lives. Stop trying to make out everyone is in some kinda clique. And if they are, who cares? Go and chat to them.

[Nat6999]

I totally agree about the horrible atmosphere in the playground. When my son was in primary school there were the alpha mum's who strutted around the playground recruiting "suitable" parents to their gang, these were the same mum's who were laid across the front row of seats at concerts saving seats for the other alpha mum's, who spent every morning & afternoon bitching about the other mum's in the playground. I split from my husband & when I walked in the playground after the news had filtered around the other playgrounds, the whole place went silent, children who had previously played with my DS were taken aside by their parents & sent to play elsewhere, my DS no longer got invited to parties, he was ostracized through no fault of his own. It's time these mothers got their heads out of each other's bums & grew up.

[Wolfiefan]

I carry poo bags. A spare roll of poo bags. Some spares in the lid of the Dicky Bag and nappy sacks in the car.
Things would have to be REALLY shitty for me to run out. I’m at least safe from a lynching on that score.

[SheStoopsToConker]

It's not that hard OP. Just do what all good MNetters do and smile at the naice middle-class mums on their way to work, while ignoring the chavvy ones with neck tattoos and hoop earrings pushing enormous prams!

[VerbeenaBeeks]

Look out .. the yearly whinge about the school nativity will be upon us soon. I suggest we all get some gin in to deal with little Marmaduke or Rainbow Aurora not getting the role of Mary/Joseph... Bring it on! ..... AGAIN

This is the first year there's going to be no Christmas nativity here as the smallest hit high school this year and they don't do it there!
Going to be different not having the Nativity prep and angst lol

[BackforGood]

Just to reassure those who get anxious about starting school, when they read a thread like this....

I've managed 14 years from when eldest started at a school nursery until youngest left yr 6, and for all that time worked PT, so had 2 days per week of being at school gate morning and afternoon. Attended 3 different schools during that time.

I have NEVER come across any of this 'politics' or 'meanness' or 'cliques' or 'cold shouldering' or 'blanking' or 'atmosphere' .
I have never felt I had to "deal with other parents".
In my world, you just get a whole bunch of ordinary people going about their lives, dropping their dc at school and/or picking them up at the end of the day.
Some are more chatty than others. Some already know other people, so naturally gravitate towards them (might even be a sister or cousin or childhood friend). Some have other stuff going on in their lives and might just not have their mind switched on that day. Some might be in a bad mood from something else that has happened in their lives. Some people are naturally sunny natured and some have more of a resting bitch face.
It really is no big deal.
How empty does your life have to be that those couple of minutes waiting in the playground becomes a focal point of your day ?

[nanny2012nanny]

Great advice...life’s not a popularity contest, and never judge or assume that just because a certain person drives a fancy car and lives in a nice house that they are loaded and happy
.

[VerbeenaBeeks]

life’s not a popularity contest, and never judge or assume that just because a certain person drives a fancy car and lives in a nice house that they are loaded and happy

Totally agree with this, appearance are just that-appearances. Just be happy being you and like minded people will follow

[Nat6999]

I decided once DS was old enough, to not bother with the playground, I used to drop him off & watch him go in the playground & gave permission for him to meet me where I parked the car. It had the advantage of giving me some time in the afternoon to sit with the radio on in a warm car with a hot drink. I didn't need to stand in the freezing playground watching the bitchfest.

[springydaff]

Well lucky you BAckforgood.

My kids went to two primary schools, all in. The first one was joyous, some great parents and I had a blast

The second one was horrible. Cliques, nastiness, pettiness. bleurgh.

Nothing to do with me.

[VerbeenaBeeks]

I have NEVER come across any of this 'politics' or 'meanness' or 'cliques' or 'cold shouldering' or 'blanking' or 'atmosphere

Lucky you then, I never believed there was such a thing as cliques until encountering one
Luckily had a WTF moment after a wobble and trying to be friends and thought fuck em and backed slowly away lol.
Have a normal nice, totally unrelated to the bonkersness friend in my life now!

[SamanthaBrique]

I smile vaguely at other parents, collect my child and get out of there. Not interested in making friends, although I'm never rude to others. And cliques were bad enough in secondary school so I run a mile from any I see now!

[Allineedyoutodois]

That's not normal at our school, there's no drama. Parents who have time chat a little, those who don't drop and run. I'm friendly on a surface level with everyone, and smile and say good morning to anyone - why wouldn't you - and others I'm friends with now but even then I don't spend a lot of time chatting at school gates/playground.
Our school is in an area where almost all the parents work, with one mum or the dad doing part-time, and one full-time so maybe that makes a difference. No-one has time for school run dramas.

Our head and deputy also make a point of being in the playground every morning where everyone passes through, friendly, visible, accessible. Maybe that encourages good behaviour!

I'd also say - if someone blanks you or gives you a look etc. it's almost NEVER about you. Everyone has they're own shit to deal with and that parent ignoring you is probably knackered cos a kid was up all night, or is running late, or has had an argument with their DP or is worried about that work thing they haven't done yet. Don't assume it's about you.
In fact I'd do the opposite and just say hello to anyone who's eye you catch - you'll be amazed at the response...

[TheSteakBakeOfAwesome]

If all else fails I put headphones in. There's usually no sound playing through them but no bugger else knows that.

Normally ours is OK - got a few people I'd term friends now I can stand and chat with, and actually a few I wasn't very close to have been lovely when they've known I've been struggling this year with depression and some stuff that's going on within the school with bullying of my youngest. It's taken probably a good year to get to that point though - chipping away breaking through the huddled little groups.

There's one woman though who is just sheer unadulterated poison. Was caught out last year slagging off all the other school parents to everyone else (and then hid for a fortnight making her fella do all the school runs instead) and the look of utter revulsion on her face when DD2 says hello to her daughter is absolutely shocking (and heartbreaking). Turns her back and pulls her child away - I've spent months trying to distract DD2 and stop her approaching - but now I've had to just say point blank "stay away from X".

It's made me so depressed at points I've put them in breakfast club for the odd day I just can't face the school gates at the moment.

[FinallyFree123456789]

I drop my dd and go off to work. I say hello and general chit chat while waiting for her to go in, to a few of the parents I've met at kids parties.

I socialise with 1 mum outside of the school, she's become a best friend so to speak - however she is the only one on my Facebook and I trust her

I'm known as a "drop and go mum" - as I've been told by some of the other mums I say hello too

[megletthesecond]

Avoid the horrible ones like the plague.
We have a small bitchy clique at our school but they're easily avoided. My kids avoid their kids too.

[QueenOfMyWorld]

No I only talk to the ones I know,I had bad experience with one recently and it's made me not want to bother

[SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst]

Just looking for views on how you deal with the school run and other parents

I deal with the school run by turning up at the school with my children, watching them go into school, then leaving. At the end of the school day it's much the same, but in reverse.

I never understand the angst and drama attached to this on MN. Some days I engage in chit-chat, some days I don't, depending on how things pan out on any given day. The people in the yard are simply people who live in roughly the same area as me and have children of an age close to mine. Some of these people will be nice, some of them will not, some will be shy, some will be chatty, some will be troublemakers. None of that affects me, and none of that has anything to do with me. No drama, no angst.

[Racecardriver]

I really don't get this whole school run thing on MN. I think it may be a myth. At DSs school we just go in and out. If we come across anyone on the way we say good morning/afternoon and maybe have a chit chat if we are walking in the same direction. Some parents who know each other well may stop for a longer chat before getting in their cars but most don't.

[Racecardriver]

We have parents events that I occasionally turn up to but we all pair off/split into groups no larger than four and make small Talk then reconfigure and do it again. Obviously these events are completely optional.

[sockunicorn]

there is apparently a lot of bitchiness at our school but i dont see it. I say a quick hello to everyone i know (my children are in y6 and y5 so thats quite a lot of people by now) and then have indepth conversations with the parents i see out of school. I would say 4 or 5 children in y5 and the same in y6 we have playdates with their parents and i go for coffee with them alone etc.

however my main friendship groups are not in the school so maybe its not as important to me if someone ignores me there? i probably wouldnt even notice as most parents at school are as relevant to me as the postman or the local shopkeeper - i will smile and say hello but i dont really care if theyre around or not.

[kerryleigh]

School run sounds like very hard work. I've never had this kind of problems.
When the kids started primary and had to take them in front of the classroom, just parked the car, took them there, said hi/hello/good morning/how are you to whomever I met on the way, smiled and left. When they grew it became a drive-through : here we are, bye-bye kids, be good, have a nice day...wave and smile to other parents if it was the case and go. Repeat at collection time
Too much stress these days

[CQCnamechange]

I have never once had an issue in the playground or on the school run.

I think this is a self fulfilling prophecy.

You perceive people are in groups, don’t approach them, wear headphones and then wonder why you are not included in conversation. Hold a mirror to your own behaviour perhaps?

Giving types of mums prejudiced names because of what they wear is unkind.

You turn up, sometimes chat to whoever is next to you, sometimes not. Say bye, get on with your day. Don’t give it a second thought.

Building it up to this great anxious task is unhelpful.