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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking it’s weird that DP third wheels himself

132 replies

GingerSwan · 04/10/2018 20:56

I don’t mind the occasional 3rd wheel and I get along with DP’s friends... but recently when I’m at home with the DC (and if DP doesn’t have work the next day) my DP goes to his best friend’s girlfriends house and stays there overnight. With his best friend there as well of course, but noone else.

I don’t particularly think there’s anything shady going on I just think it’s weird

He point blank refuses to use taxis. He drives up to her house, drinks with them and leaves his car on the drive, sleeping there overnight until the next afternoon when he can drive again

If it was me I would get a taxi up and then a taxi home again. It’s not like he can’t afford it Blush

My DC aren’t his, so even if he stayed here he wouldn’t be looking after them (so he hasn’t abandoned any responsibility).

If im free for the weekend he doesn’t go, probably because he knows I wouldn’t want to sit and drink in some else’s living room. AIBU to think that he’s intruding on their privacy a bit Confused His best friend doesn’t live there by the way, this is a new relationship of only a few weeks

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 08:52

Eh? What's wrong with you? I wasn't the one who suggested any of those things. In fact I was the one who agreed with the op that it was probably just he was making a pest of himself, Confused

Blackoutblinds · 05/10/2018 08:53

What’s wrong with having a friend over every other weekend? Because that’s how often it is, from what the op says?

I genuinely don’t get why that means there has to be kinky sex and drugs and stuff.

Anyway. I better go and change the sheets because BF is here tonight his mate might call round and we will be doing kinky threesomes. Not.

LuluJakey1 · 05/10/2018 08:55

So, if I have this right.....

He only does this on weekends and only if you have your DC.
On weekends you don't have your DC he stays with you.
He doesn't live with you, has his own place.
He goes round to drink with this couple (of a few week's) in the girlfriend's house, gets drunk and stays over and stays until mid-afternoon the next day then drives home.

If they have only been together 4 weeks and he doesn't do it every weekend, how often has he actually done this?

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 08:59

I genuinely don’t get why that means there has to be kinky sex and drugs and stuff

Honestly, I give up. Quite clearly I also don't think it means these things either, although the op suspects drugs may be involved.

Seriously it's like you're on another thread.

longwayoff · 05/10/2018 09:06

Sex and drugs. Probably not rock and roll.

Beaverhausen · 05/10/2018 09:08

A bit of shizzle in the mizzle?

Sounds like your partner needs to grow up, going round to another persons house just to get drunk and sleep it off.

Might be some weird group sex thingie who knows.

CoperCabana · 05/10/2018 09:09

But didn’t OP say they all went out together, but then DP chose to go back with the other couple rather than go home with her? I am sorry but I think that is definitely off.

Racecardriver · 05/10/2018 09:09

My husbands siblings do this to us all the time. We all get on great and have a blast. One of them even lived with us for half a year. It was great.

Blackoutblinds · 05/10/2018 09:10

I read it as the op is at home with kids and he goes round to where his mate is, which havens to be the GF house?

Amd that if the op is at home without her kids he doesn’t go because she wouldn’t like it

CoperCabana · 05/10/2018 09:19

OP said
“I got invited to stay over along with DP once after we all bumped into each other on a night out, but I’d rather just go to bed I don’t see the attraction of wanting to stay at someone else’s house blush (DP was adamant he wanted to go but wanted me to go as well)”
I just think this is off. In my experience, this is probably drug related.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/10/2018 09:32

Don't the new couple want to be getting cosy together and shagging? Wouldn't having an overnight guest cramp their style?

OP, he doesn't want to spend time with your dcs or learn the 'dad' role, by the sound of it. Is that ok for you and your future?

JustDanceAddict · 05/10/2018 09:33

I think it’s odd too. If it was the mate’s house and he’d always done that then I can see why he’d carry on, but starting to stay at his mate’s gf house when it’s been a few weeks into a rel is weird.
Obv I’d stay at my best mates if we were going out near her and I wanted to drink/didn’t want to get cab home. Was something we did when younger. The occasional sleepover for convenience sake, a quick toast and tea then ‘thanks and bye’ is very different.

Missingstreetlife · 05/10/2018 09:38

I would go with him one time and see for myself. Even if not dodgy it's a bit off he won't spend time at home with you. How many people in this scenario have a drink problem?

AlphaBravo · 05/10/2018 09:38

Is OP 19 and her boyfriend is 21? That's the only age I can see this still being a 'thing' tbh.

Gabilan · 05/10/2018 09:38

Thank you, I get it now. Still think this thread is a much weirder overreaction than the original (non)issue.

Looking at the reactions here, I think it depends on how territorial a person is. I don't mean territorial in a silverback gorilla sense, just how much you are attached to your home and your own bed. I struggle to sleep in strange places. I want to be home. So for me, staying away overnight is something I'll do only when the other options are very difficult. For others, they may sleep on a strange sofa at the drop of a hat and not care if it's home or not - so the behaviour seems perfectly OK.

waterrat · 05/10/2018 09:38

Sounds to me like they are gtting pissed/ taking drugs and he doesn't want to wake up with your kids around but is too polite to say that to you.

2doubles · 05/10/2018 09:41

Just all sounds a bit sad, sitting in drinking all night and probably taking drugs - how old are they all?

Sounds great to me, minus the drugs. It's been soooo long since I've done this but I used to love a house session or 10 with friends.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 09:48

We regularly have house sessions, in fact we do it more than go out, dinner, drinks, everyone stays over due to distance, but we are all established couples who have known each other for years.

It's very different when you can easily get home, and it's just you and a new couple, and the new girlfriends house, and you stay till late the next day and do it frequently.

2doubles · 05/10/2018 09:59

It's very different when you can easily get home, and it's just you and a new couple, and the new girlfriends house, and you stay till late the next day and do it frequently

See, I would just think they're sleeping off the alcohol the next day and that's why he's staying 'til afternoon. As for not going home, imo, drunk people prefer to have company do they not?

Missingstreetlife · 05/10/2018 11:13

I wouldn't like this level of regular drinking, why not invite them to yours sometimes (does he live with you?)

esk1mo · 05/10/2018 11:27

correct me if i’m wrong but the DPs friend is female, and the new partner is a new boyfriend?

your DP is behaving like a 20 year old. why would you want a partner that takes drugs and doesnt come home?

Gabilan · 05/10/2018 11:33

@esk1mo, from the OP my DP goes to his best friend’s girlfriends house.

It's his best friend who has a new girlfriend. The sex of the best friend is not stated but I think most people assumed male, and the OP has not challenged this.

esk1mo · 05/10/2018 11:37

gabalin thanks!

so the DP is staying at new GFs house with DPs friend, that is definitely weird. are you sure that DPs friend isnt the 3rd wheel?

Miggeldy · 05/10/2018 11:42

Sounds like drugs to me. I did this kind of stuff when I was younger.

Bluntness100 · 05/10/2018 12:36

As for not going home, imo, drunk people prefer to have company do they not

Well, sure, but generally not when you go to bed....Hmm

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