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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking it’s weird that DP third wheels himself

132 replies

GingerSwan · 04/10/2018 20:56

I don’t mind the occasional 3rd wheel and I get along with DP’s friends... but recently when I’m at home with the DC (and if DP doesn’t have work the next day) my DP goes to his best friend’s girlfriends house and stays there overnight. With his best friend there as well of course, but noone else.

I don’t particularly think there’s anything shady going on I just think it’s weird

He point blank refuses to use taxis. He drives up to her house, drinks with them and leaves his car on the drive, sleeping there overnight until the next afternoon when he can drive again

If it was me I would get a taxi up and then a taxi home again. It’s not like he can’t afford it Blush

My DC aren’t his, so even if he stayed here he wouldn’t be looking after them (so he hasn’t abandoned any responsibility).

If im free for the weekend he doesn’t go, probably because he knows I wouldn’t want to sit and drink in some else’s living room. AIBU to think that he’s intruding on their privacy a bit Confused His best friend doesn’t live there by the way, this is a new relationship of only a few weeks

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:31

I used to go and see my friend have a drink and stay over and go home the next day.

I don’t drink at all now but I’d still stay if I was tired and didn’t want to drive home late.

Her partner is there. No threesome. No spit roast. Just two friends having a good catch up.

caffelatte100 · 04/10/2018 21:32

I would suspect drug taking... especially with sleeping into the afternoon.

gylly · 04/10/2018 21:37

I'm lost with this thread. I've stayed at a friends house with her and her partner (no funny business 🤢 thank God).

In our younger days dh often had his male friends spend the night with us (again no funny business) although once one of his mates who I had never met until breakfast (I was out with friends the night before) stood in our kitchen with his willy partially hanging out of his boxers. Put me right off my full English brekkie.

Original poster
GingerSwan · 04/10/2018 21:37

Actually drugs had crossed my mind, i think she’s had issues with them in the past (but only know that from hearsay). Him coming back so late the next day would give them time to wear off Confused

She seems genuinely nice and she’s said doesn’t mind him staying, I’ve even spoken to her about it.

But now someone’s mentioned it I suppose there is a possibility she’s just going along with it to please her new boyfriend! That might work in my favour if she gets fed up of my DP hanging around and sends him home Grin

I can’t imagine it being anything sexual, I think her boyfriend would go mad he seems the protective type

I got invited to stay over along with DP once after we all bumped into each other on a night out, but I’d rather just go to bed I don’t see the attraction of wanting to stay at someone else’s house Blush (DP was adamant he wanted to go but wanted me to go as well)

OP posts:
Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:38

I am shocked to discover I’m a drug taking alcoholic kinky swinger.

Who knew.

Urchinella · 04/10/2018 21:39

She sounds like a very hospitable woman. Does she do a cooked breakfast?

Original poster
GingerSwan · 04/10/2018 21:41

I don’t think he could get away with it being another woman, it’s a small town and I have friends who live across the road etc

I also keep in touch with his friend and his girlfriend and there never seems to be a mix-up in stories... I do genuinely think he’s just making a pest of himself (but it seems they like his company?)

OP posts:
EK36 · 04/10/2018 21:41

It very weird.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:42

I am shocked to discover I’m a drug taking alcoholic kinky swinger

Why do you also go and stay over night at a friends new boyfriends house regularly?

As said, it's different if this is an established couple but they've been dating a few weeks and the ops partner is gagging to stay there. It's bloody odd.

mushlett · 04/10/2018 21:43

I would definitely suspect drugs

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:43

Yes I have done Confused. When they were just together - first time was a fortnight after they got together.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:44

I do genuinely think he’s just making a pest of himself

Probably. But the question is why is he doing it?

CryingOverSpiltMilk · 04/10/2018 21:44

@Blackoutblinds But that was your friend's house? This is his friend's gf's house of a relationship of only a few weeks.

I do find that strange. Next time go along and see for yourself OP.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:45

When they were just together - first time was a fortnight after they got together

And you keep doing it? Do you not feel it's slightly intrusive?

AnyFucker · 04/10/2018 21:45

Do you live in Royston Vasey ?

Earlywalker · 04/10/2018 21:45

Well, polyamorous relationship’s are all the rage at the moment.

Drugs, sex or he’s a bit weird... sorry OP

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:46

But that was your friend's house?

Sorry, I thought black out was staying at the new partners house.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:46

I wouldn’t have minded if it was his house. But then I have a male best friend and stay over in his spare room on a regular basis.

lalalalyra · 04/10/2018 21:47

Is the new gf someone who is new to their friendship group or has she always been one of their mates?

peachgreen · 04/10/2018 21:47

It is a bit weird but my brother and his best friend do this (brother is now married and best friend still stays over on a regular basis). I find it very weird but there's nothing sinister going on.

Bluntness100 · 04/10/2018 21:48

I wouldn’t have minded if it was his house

But it's not about you minding Hmm

MaisyPops · 04/10/2018 21:49

Perfectly normal if it was staying over at a mate's girlfriends if they'd been together a while but hadn't moved in (but doing the one person essentially moves in in all but name).

Not so normal if they've been dating few weeks.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:50

His house. Her house. New girlfriend. New boyfriend. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded and would have stopped over wherever we had arranged to see each other.

I’m worried now that my BF thinks I’m weird. 😂

donquixotedelamancha · 04/10/2018 21:55

Just to be clear:

He goes to a friend's house, hangs out with her and her boyfriend, has some drinks and stays over. That's it?

Why is this odd? I don't understand.

Blackoutblinds · 04/10/2018 21:58

I don’t either don

Meets friend and friend’s GF.

Goes to wherever friend is staying that night be it friend’s house or friend’s GF house, has a few drinks, talks shite, stays over.

I don’t see the big deal.

When I go out with my BF we have ended up staying over at another random friend of hers because we met them when we were out and they said come back to mine. We stayed up til 4.30 am talking and laughing and generally having a good time and I slept til lunchtime and drove home the next day. No drink. No drugs. No kinky threesome.