To think it's impossible to have a career AND a child with SEN?

[meanieleanie]

If you think IABU - please tell me how you do it!

Holiday childcare provision is limited for children with additional needs, especially older ones. You're constantly waiting for the next phone call from school about their meltdowns or another incident. Regular meetings with SENCo. Specialist appointments/weekly CAMHs appointments. If you've got a school refuser, you're often late for work, or at risk of being so. Completing homework requires extra time and attention.

I'm feeling completely disillusioned. I'm in a role which, at the risk of making me sound like an arsehole, is way below what I'm capable of doing (and consequently way below what I'm capable of earning). But I don't need to be available outside of hours, no major projects are at risk if I have to dive out of work, no one minds too much if I'm late.

And this is from the perspective of someone whose child has relatively
mild SEN, not anywhere close to warranting an ECHP. I can only imagine how tough it must be for parents of children with more severe SEN.

Yes I am a Lp. No family support . I do work but have reduced my hours to cope.

We adopted 2 sibs. who turned out to have SEN,
12 years ago and I have never been able to get a job out of the home. We have appointments but it's the unpredictability of our life day to day that's the problem.
At present our DD -13 has been refusing to go to school so much so that her attendance is down to 25%!
What I have done though is get involved with local projects and am now the chair of a group doing a 650K renovation project in the community which I love and gives me a real sense of achievement.

Impossible for me I've 2 with autism...both have had / are having years out of school.not through choice

I manage it - but do have periods of feeling like the balls I am juggling are getting perilously close to the floor.

Dd has HF ASD (formerly dx’d Aspergers) and ADHD. We have done various rounds of weekly clinics (during work time) for 6 or 8 weeks. I have travelled 2-3 hours to get to 1 day training courses that i could manage around my diary, and various sets of night classes when they were offered - the number of classes that are 10 weeks daytimes only! And used up lots of annual leave for appointments and things I had to get to I’m the daytime. Dh doesn’t do training but he’s done lots of ferrying dd to therapy sessions and relevant things around his diary.

I’ve used a lot of annual leave to cover DDs needs. And both dh and I are lucky that we can be somewhat flexible with our work - he manages his own a lot and my bosses have all recognized that while I sometimes need flexibility, I will offer it too and do lots of early morning starts or finishing things at home at night.

It’s hard, very hard. But we mostly do it alone, I have 1 daunt who has done a few things over the years, and good neighbors if I get stuck at times. School I derstood her and worked with us (mostly) in primary. And dd is really loving secondary as there’s loads of sport and it’s a smaller school. The after school clubs she went to mostly understood her as well and we had her doing a lot of sport after school as well to keep her energy levels under control.

It is hard but we’ve made it work, so far at least.

I think that it depends hugely on the needs of the child, your support network and, to some extent, your own needs and work possibilities ( although I get that these come in at a very distant third place).
I can’t realistically do the ‘big’ senior job I would have applied for if I had a typically developing child, but I have been lucky enough to be able to work flexibly and establish a successful, small private practice. I don’t work school holidays, and that was the big sticking point for me when I was employed. We don’t have family help nearby and DH works in corporate law so it has been hard. What has really helped me is having other friends in the same boat ( parents of non-SEN kids just don’t get it), DH knowing he has to step up and help where he can (no matter how senior he gets, it’s a non-negotiable) and paying for domestic support.
It has been really hard at times ( 2 years of a 1.5 hour round trip school run before even starting or ending my day, three wake-ups a night) but working has been a huge boost to my mental health and has kept me together through really hard times. They having been said, I completely understand why it is impossible for some women, and no one should ever feel that they have failed in this situation.

2 Kids with SEN here, and so far doing ok. But I am freelance self employed and so I managed my hours around them , and my husband works full time but has a very flexible employer and can work from home and compressed hours etc. We manage between us to hold down careers. It helps that both kids are happy in their schools.

It's possible - but only with the right support. I work FT (9 day fortnight)- but DD is in a specialist unit and very happy there, so no call outs to come and collect her. DH works 3 days a week and my friend does the school runs when we're both at work. I save my A/L days for appointments. Love my job, it is tiring - but rewarding. If I didn't have DH and my friend to help it would be harder.

I had to give up childminding due to my sons autism,he was starting to hit the minded children. It was so stressful. So now I am a cleaner,mainly for farms in the area,i have my weekly clients and have explained I can't work any holidays(but have found someone who can take over). I did take my son once but he emptied a bottle of Ribena in to the sink and threw apples from the top window,it was so stressful!

Its possible but very hard. My 17yr old DS has finished school this year and its a massive weight off. He has ASD and an EHCP luckily my DP is able to do 2 days at home. I always did 3 days so only 1 day where no ones at home. I also have 2 others kids under 7 with no SEND. I am now a manger earning a pretty decent salary and not finding it too stressful. Its been a long road but we are botj starting to feel more relaxed about the future.

I agree. I'm on my own and found it absolutely impossible to keep a job at all. I miss working but it just wasn't doable.

It is easier if you already have a job as they are more likely to accommodate, especially public sector. DS2 care requirement mean that even respite is £30 an hour. What ended it for me was not the severity of DS2 needs but the lack of sleep.

My only child,an 18-year old son, has severe special needs. He graduated in June from high school! I worked as an RN on weekends,holidays and an odd week day every now/then usually when needing vacation $. My scheduling choices are much more flexible vs other careers but even then I’ve sacrificed my education and career due to my son’s needs,both medical and behavior. My husband’s career came 1st as he had less stress/on management pathway vs my intensely stressful position but I was locked into working in hospitals that were open 24/7-had my child been “normal development” I’d have a masters degree and work in anesthesia but you play the cards you are dealt

Now at University, still needs support.
Tell me about it, Rumboogie. When he's away, I'm braced daily for That phone call.

It would be impossible unless you have either huge flexibility at work or huge amounts of help from someone.

It is possible. My friend does it, but she is very organised and self employed which enables family stuff to always take precedence over work when required. Not easy but doable if your determined to make it.

I've managed to work part time but only with the help of my mum. She's in her 80s and I'm so lucky she's still fantastic for her age. I'm also lucky to be able to take shifts that start very early or at weekends.

It's deflating when you see other people able to take opportunities you would love but know that your circumstances would never cope with.

I have an autistic son (and 3 others) and work 3 days a week in the career I had before. Dh works away a lot and no family nearby. It's bloody hard but manageable. He's 17 now and I still run his bath, wake him up, wash his hair, put his clothes out, iron his shirt, put his deodorant out, make his breakfast, put his medication out, find his watch, shoes and glasses and help him pack his bag for college every single morning. As well as getting my other 3 up, but he gets 10x the attention and micromanagement that they do. They are all younger. If I didn't do this each morning, Ds would stop attending college.

Dh works full time but his job has flexible hours and he can have time off at short notice. I no longer work. Ds requires 2:1 care at most places outside of the house so dh needs time off work for appointments and to enable us to leave the house during school holidays. There is zero available childcare and also no respite because the providers think his needs are too severe.

I read that oldbirdlady and thought what on earth is she doing. Then realised I still do all of that apart from that he makes his own breakfast. You really dont realise how much your actually doing.

2 Kids, one with SEN and now at special school and one at high school with attachment related anxiety issues. (both kids are adopted)

I have a career and work FT. DH works shifts and I save all my leave for holidays. I can work flexibly, including from home at times.

I spend most of my time knackered and concerned that I'm not doing anything well enough but I'm the main wage earner and we can't afford for either of us not to work.

We get minimal help from anyone else (literally can't remember the last time anyone else looked after the kids).

I did reduced hours, term time only. So went from having responsibility, on track for promotion etc to being bottom of the pile. Dead end dogsbody. Took a voluntary redundancy opportunity in the end.

It is possible, but it's hard. We're lucky that me & DH have flexible employment. I work 3 days a week, but can condense it into 2 or work weekends or any time I need to make up hours. I literally have a captive clientele so they're always there! DH co-owns his business so does a lot of his admin work out of normal office hours & restricts seeing clients to within school hours. My job had potential to be a career with promotion, but circumstances don't allow, but work in itself gives me respite & some normality. We would however be stuffed if we didn't have such flexibility in our work hours..

It certainly is possible - some high profile professionals have/had severely disabled dc (e.g. Samantha Cameron). I know several lawyers and a woman who works in finance through my local support group. It helps of course if you have a lot of money behind you, and if you have already reached a certain level in your career.

Personally it's not something I ever found possible, mainly because I was a single mum, and my DS is very severely disabled (has a EHCP naming an independent special school, gets enhanced rate PIP for both components), and even specialist childcare was out of the question. Now he's too old for any sort of childcare, but there isn't anything equivalent for over 16s who can't look after themselves.

It's also not something I ever wanted to juggle - I like being able to be there for my dc, and I'd find it stressful trying to sort out time off for all his appointments and periods that he's been off school. I also get a bit of 'me time' during his school hours, which I'd really miss if I had to be at work. Financially it's tough (I get carers allowance and income support) but I think that trying to fit in a job as well as everything else I do would be bad for my mental health.

Rod I had always assumed Sam Cam was a SAHM?

thigh I believe she worked for Smythson - I'm not a fan of her or her husband, but I think she did have a career in her own right.