To think it's impossible to have a career AND a child with SEN?

[meanieleanie]

If you think IABU - please tell me how you do it!

Holiday childcare provision is limited for children with additional needs, especially older ones. You're constantly waiting for the next phone call from school about their meltdowns or another incident. Regular meetings with SENCo. Specialist appointments/weekly CAMHs appointments. If you've got a school refuser, you're often late for work, or at risk of being so. Completing homework requires extra time and attention.

I'm feeling completely disillusioned. I'm in a role which, at the risk of making me sound like an arsehole, is way below what I'm capable of doing (and consequently way below what I'm capable of earning). But I don't need to be available outside of hours, no major projects are at risk if I have to dive out of work, no one minds too much if I'm late.

And this is from the perspective of someone whose child has relatively
mild SEN, not anywhere close to warranting an ECHP. I can only imagine how tough it must be for parents of children with more severe SEN.

@imsoexhausted. You will be amazed, you will be able to make it work. I work up flexitime and so when i need to take an afternoon off I can do that. When I need ot take a day's leave I just submit the request and it's approved. There's no hmmming and hawing like there was in my last place. I'm at work most of the time still but if something crops up and I need to be elsewhere it's arrangeable, it's not a nightmare! I'm CS Ireland but ours is based on the UK civil service so I imagine it's the same. v family friendly. There's a man in my office who works three days a week, 2 at home looking after his kids. No idea what his wife does. A few people on 90%.

Very hard. My DC has mild SEN but needed a lot of input to achieve anything like his full potential, plus more attention for siblings to not feel 'left out'. Now at University, still needs support.

I manage it along with a chronic illness. I work 4 days a week and my manager is good about it. They couldn't afford to pay me the going rate for my job. We both work at home a lot so that helps with flexibility.

It is possible but is difficult. I am a teacher with two severely autistic children. I manage mostly but it is tough especially with no extended family nearby.

Uurgh, i have just stepped up at work after 8 years at home and 6 more v part time. However I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep it up. 2 appointment this week, 3 last week, constant cajoling, calming down, avoiding meltdowns etc. It's v hard and tiring. I'be now for a heavy cold and am failing behind. DH objects to me catching up at weekends which really bugs me at the moment!

I think YABU. There are loads and loads of kids in schools with SEN requirements who would not impact on your employment. Obviously there are some SEN situations where it would have a massive impact. Regular meetings with Senco / CAMS / weekly appointments / school refusing sounds like a reasonably substantial SEN situation though, there are lots of students with far less.

My Ds is asd and I just about manage to work part time. My dh covers holidays as h3 is self employed. Ds refuses to attend any holiday clubs. We got a nanny for some of summer hols as it is dh busiest time of year. I would love to give up work altogether but sadly can’t afford to. I wrote to my local council explaining there was nsufficient childcare for disabled kids, I got a load of meaningless statistics back relating to 3/4 year olds not Secondary school age,

Career? I'd settle for 'a job'. Having 2 school age children should have freed up a bit of time. Unfortunately having my DS2 on a 2hr per day timetable means I'm just not available. This is especially the case because:

• DP's shift pattern can vary so getting a complementing shift pattern or arranging childcare is impossible;
• We only have 1 living parent between us who is 80 and, although pretty spry, he wants to use most of his energy enjoying retirement (quite rightly);
• Me being a useless fuck who can't drive and doesn't have the skills or funds to set up a home business, thus being able to set my own hours.

I'm sure something will give eventually - my last marble probably.

It's not impossible. I work time. But it depends on a few things.

I have a child with SN who attends a special school. Their regular check ups are done in school.

They attend a mainstream afterschool. Schools transport drops them there after school and I collect them from there.

Their school runs a two week summer scheme.

However, I work for an understanding organisation and I am well paid so can pay for additional care, eg over the summer. Also my child has learning difficulties not behavioural problems.

YANBU

It seems impossible, especially when there is no help from family or friends either. I did used to be a civil servant but couldn't go back to it as there are no after school clubs or holiday clubs that he can go to. The civil service is good, but they don't let you take 6 weeks off during the summer and various other school holidays. Alternatives seem to be either working in a school or being self employed, neither of which appeal to me.

Sorry mine should read I work full time. As does my husband. I also buy extra annual leave.

I'm a teacher and have one with high functioning autism and one NT

Because I'm leadership I get PPA and leadership time and there is no requirement to be on site during those times. The vast majority of the time I can get appointments then or in the school holidays.

We've been through school refusal and it was nearly a career breaker as well as a mental health breaker -my parents used to drive an hour to get here on days DC refused

Does your child get extra support at the after school club, WipsGlitter? I’m finding this the biggest barrier to getting back into work. My DD needs 1-1 support, and this isn’t available outside of core school hours (unless we pay for it, and that would cost a fortune).

@SomethingNastyInTheBallPool no he doesn't get nay extra support. They've been fantastic and one staff member is allocated to "watch" him.

One of my best friends manages it, does everything herself. So yes it is manageable but maybe not easy.

It’s hard but not impossible. I know many women who do manage but they’ve usually got good family support or a live in nanny. It must be harder for lone parents, those without close extended families and those who can’t accomm a live in nanny or good au pair.

I think it’s depends on the type of special needs - a visually impaired child might be easier to accommodate in an after school club than a wheelchair using child with very complex learning difficulties and epilepsy. Certainly I have a friend with a daughter with Downs who works as an architect and another who is a solicitor. Both work full time but have good community support, are in long term marriages and have granny close by. I know another family who have a young adult with very complex needs where both parents work in quite low paid jobs but where granny is omnipresent and where there are lots of supportive siblings.

If your child is in a 52 week placement it’s easy to work, obviously.

I have just cut my hours so I am now very part time, as I was struggling to keep on top of it all and I have a very understanding boss and colleagues.

YANBU, I have a DD with ASD (just turned four so not in school until next September) and have had to give up the career I thought I'd have. Never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me before having children that I wouldn't really get to use my postgraduate degree and that I'd end up a carer.

Luckily I have managed to find a part time job in a special field of education (am a support teacher) with just a few hours a week on a zero hour contract. Gets me out of the house a two mornings a week and has saved my sanity!

I am up most nights with DD and that alone would make it impossible to hold down a job as I'm permanently sleep deprived (and often ill as a result). We haven't got any family near to help but I could see his that might make it possible for others in the same situation to maybe hold down a part time job and maybe get a bit if respite.

I can't work because I can't leave my ds1 at home alone. I don't have anyone who could cope with him on a bad day. Dh is the main/only earner so can't supervise ds1. I'm too exhausted to work in the evening or weekends.

YANBU. I'm just going back to work (part time and mainly from home) after nearly a decade away and am struggling to keep everything going and worrying all the time.
No family nearby and DH away during the week. But I need it to work - partly to pay for private OT, SLT etc etc after cuts to local services.

Yes I have a career and two children with SEN. It is only possible because dh is incredibly supportive and I have help from my extended family. I wouldn't manage without all of that support.

Not completely impossible, but extremely difficult. We have a child with SEN, but DH can wfh/work flexibly when required. I'm a ft (mature) student and self employed. I couldn't have a regular hours job though or work for anyone else. That WOULD be impossible.

Not impossible but for the sale of my mental health I’m taking a few years out of work. Dd has a rare chromosome disorder and I don’t have any family near by that can help. Hubby works full time

I feel massively guilty tho about it.

I have two children with SEN and I work full time. I work in SEN meet a wide range of families with children who have SEN a lot work too.

It's difficult but not impossible. I didn't work when they were younger after my husband left and I was a single parent. I went back to work when my oldest started secondary school and I had a new supportive partner.