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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send away unannounced visitors?

93 replies

FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:31

My DH family have a knack of calling over at the most inconvienent times. No matter how many times they're told to phone beforehand they don't. Aibu to send them away? We have an 11 month old and a dog. I suffer from depression and fatigue (they don't know this) and I find it a bit much to be expected to accommodate unannounced visitors

OP posts:
SpottingTheZebras · 04/10/2018 13:32

Can you just not answer the door? They’ll soon get the hint.

Havaina · 04/10/2018 13:33

YANBU. Don't open the door. Do you have a car? Can you hide it in the garage or further down the road?

ZenNudist · 04/10/2018 13:33

How do you send them away? Put your coat on and say youre just off to an appointment.... every time they call 😀

Original poster
FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:33

unfortunately not as you can see right into the house so it's difficult to hide unless I spend my life upstairs

OP posts:
Original poster
FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:34

After they've banged my door down and woke up ds I answer and tell them it isn't a good time

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 04/10/2018 13:35

YANBU if not answering the door isn't an option just say "oh I'm so sorry you should have called I'm not falling well I'm about to go for a lie down"

Member984815 · 04/10/2018 13:36

It happened twice lately that my mother in law turned up unannounced with other relatives in tow , don't mind my mother in law turning up but a heads up about others with her would b nice . I wasn't even home second time and just arrived after being out from school drop off to school pick up so didn't know what state the house was in, I wish I could turn them away but I just let them in .

IrmaFayLear · 04/10/2018 13:36

Yes, I once heard Graham Norton say he always puts his coat on before opening the door - then if you like the person you say, "Oh, I've just got in" and if you don't, "Oh, sorry, I'm just off out!" (Helpful if you also put dog's lead on before answering door or shove hat on baby.)

Feellikeimthemaid · 04/10/2018 13:37

YANBU. I absolutely hate it when people drop by unannounced. It's only common courtesy to check beforehand that it's convenient. Keep turning them away. They'll soon get the message!

As it's family members, is there any reason why you've not disclosed about the fatigue? Maybe if they knew this they'd be a bit more understanding?

FissionChips · 04/10/2018 13:39

You don’t have to open the door just because they can see you. Simply tell them you won’t be opening it unless they have phoned in advace to ask you if it’s ok to visit. Then don’t answer the door if they turn up.

SleepWarrior · 04/10/2018 13:39

I like the Graham Norton idea!

Also, wear pyjamas so that you can be 'feeling under the weather, sorry'. Or 'just off to take a nap with the baby, sorry'.

Original poster
FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:39

It's my DH family and as nice as they are they'd gossip if they knew I had depression

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/10/2018 13:41

Yes, I once heard Graham Norton say he always puts his coat on before opening the door - then if you like the person you say, "Oh, I've just got in" and if you don't, "Oh, sorry, I'm just off out!"

This is the smartest thing in history!

Havaina · 04/10/2018 13:49

Get some net curtains? Blinds?

There are a plethora of options.

DriveInSaturday · 04/10/2018 13:51

My mum used to do the Graham Norton thing when we were little. She kept our coats by the door in case my auntie came round with my cousin, who used to break all our toys.

Havaina · 04/10/2018 13:51

This is the second thread recently where people without curtains are composing if no privacy. The other was the OP with an amorous postman.

Original poster
FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:52

We have had them but the dog tears them down so we keep them half mast hence they can bloody see me lol

OP posts:
Havaina · 04/10/2018 13:53

Oh I see. What about those stick on plastic things for windows?

Aprilislonggone · 04/10/2018 13:54

DriveInSaturday your dm is a genius!!
Once had to drive dc around the block to get rid of a friend who overstayed but she would not have got in at all had I thought of that!

DontCallMeCharlotte · 04/10/2018 13:56

as you can see right into the house so it's difficult to hide

When we moved into our house we had a front door like that. My MIL is obviously the opposite of your DH's family as she paid for us to get a new solid door as a housewarming present!

So, in the unlikely event we wanted to avoid her, it would be much easier now Smile

SandAndSea · 04/10/2018 13:59

Do the coat thing until you can sort out your privacy. I'd also recommend window vinyls. After that, stop answering the door unless it suits you. They'll soon learn to call ahead if you're not so available.

diddl · 04/10/2018 14:06

"After they've banged my door down and woke up ds I answer and tell them it isn't a good time"

How have you not shouted at them for waking the baby?

Has your husband told them to leave you alone?

I've heard the coat think so many times.

Can't help thinking that it's something people say rather than do tbh.

Anyway, if Op is able to send them away, she doesn't need any pretense.

They need to sop bothering her completely!

HollowTalk · 04/10/2018 14:07

But if the OP is in her front room then her relatives will see that she's on the sofa, watching TV. Graham Norton's fantastic trick will only work if those outside can't see in.

LetItGoToRuin · 04/10/2018 14:11

If you struggle to turn them away at the door (and I would struggle with this too), put a note on the door saying "Visitors by prior appointment only" and then don't answer the door if they knock.

Can your DH speak to his relatives to remind them to call to arrange a visit?

Turning the tables round, if my parents kept turning up unnannounced when my DH was home along with DD, I would have no qualms about speaking to them and explaining that that just doesn't work for our family. I think your DH has to manage this one.

recklessruby · 04/10/2018 14:12

Why can't dh ask them to text first? Then you have a get out clause.
I would always text first in case people were going to be out. I wouldn't want to drive over to an empty house and waste my time. Confused

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