To send away unannounced visitors?

[FurryAndObnoxious]

My DH family have a knack of calling over at the most inconvienent times. No matter how many times they're told to phone beforehand they don't. Aibu to send them away? We have an 11 month old and a dog. I suffer from depression and fatigue (they don't know this) and I find it a bit much to be expected to accommodate unannounced visitors

I have anxiety.
I sometimes don't feel able to answer my door. 🤷🏼‍♀️
I don't open my curtains in the room facing the street very often though so they wouldn't know if I was home or not.

Removable Window film re front door & dog. Amazon have it for £6.99. Voile nets or blinds if theyre type to walk round to other windows.

I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone haha! They should know by now to text or phone first!

Put up net curtains and give your dog a boot up the hole. Make a cup of tea, laugh at them knocking.

I don't answer if I'm not expecting someone. Our postman knows where to leave our packages on our property so there's no reason anyone I don't know of should be knocking. It's a rule that's served me well having spied the odd salesman from my window. The dogs soon scare anyone off if they're inclined to look through the windows. I just wouldn't answer and say I was in the bath.

I'd block off the window anyway I could. And put a note up on the door saying not to knock, the baby is asleep and we don't wish to have visitors.

You say you’re not in loads. Well when you are in put your pjs and dressing gown. Start giving them the message you’re incredibly tired and sleeping every time the baby sleeps. Being consistent is the only way you’re going to get out of this situation.

Have I got this right - your DH has, at your instigation, asked them to text or ring first, but you then treat them like they are really welcome and it isn't any inconvenience at all?

I think that really undermines your DH. It makes it look like he's trying to come between you and his DM. Your MiL probably thinks he's jealous of her relationship with you and is trying to stir things up. If you ask your DH to communicate something you can't go and stab him in the back by then acting in a way that makes his message seem like a bald face lie.

How about you try going off your tits at them and shrieking “How many fucking times do we have to ask you people nicely to call first so you don’t wake the baby up?” That might get the results you need....

Everything anyone says falls on deaf ears with that family. I agree I do need to send them away and will do in future. They often call around 10am so I am in my dressing gown As I'm usually getting ready to go out etc. I don't like confrontation but I do need to either man up or ignore the door

Our family had always popped round unannounced to each others - was just the way it was all lived on same street

My sister came down with depression and didn't tell anyone, cut herself off from all the family. The odd time she would answer the door, or phone, she would be incredibly rude. It is such a drain / mood hoover, that's her choice and eventually people just stop knocking/ ringing

My point is OP that your family probably realise that something is wrong, and from what I have read, you are keeping it quiet and IMO it is not the right way to go about things - as if they don't know - then they aren't mind readers, you must tell them about the anxiety - they should understand if they care.

Just cutting yourself off without explanation is hurtful to them....and at some point in the future, when you have severed ties long enough, you may need them and no one be there

Just be careful how you treat people in the name of mental health issues - screaming at them is not the answer at all

You have anxiety, yes, but it does not give you the right to scream your face off because a member of family has made the horrific mistake of knocking your door

I’ve never experienced having unannounced visitors but if I did I’d be mortified because I probably won’t have done the dishes yet.

I don’t think the OP is in any danger of shouting at them, she sounds like if anything she is too nice!
Also she hasn’t said anything about shutting people out of her life - just that she doesn’t want unexpected visitors. Some families do drop by unexpectedly and that’s lovely, but it feels weird if you’re not used to it and it’s not the way you’ve done things.

No I know Hmm - I dont think Op wants to shout but others are suggesting tht is a solution

that is how it started with my sister, can be a rough road to go down, but all cases are different

Would it help/be possible if the next time they turn up announced you call your dh who rings mil mobile to ask why she is on the doorstep without getting in touch first and tells her to go home?

Firstly Lola they are not my family. They are dh family. secondly I have never shouted at anyone in my life. Thirdly any mental health issue I have is private and I would never use it to my own end

FeeFee it's not my MIL it's my FIL. I don't really want to be phoning dh in work and making a scene

Sorry I think all the mil threads made me instantly believe it was going to be mil- how bad of me is that 😬 could you get a chain on the door so when you open it to them you can just say through the gap sorry we are a bit busy right now I’ll get in touch soon?