Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send away unannounced visitors?

93 replies

FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 13:31

My DH family have a knack of calling over at the most inconvienent times. No matter how many times they're told to phone beforehand they don't. Aibu to send them away? We have an 11 month old and a dog. I suffer from depression and fatigue (they don't know this) and I find it a bit much to be expected to accommodate unannounced visitors

OP posts:
ThisIsTheFirstStep · 04/10/2018 14:12

diddl agreed.

Your husband should have a word since it's his family. My husband has stuck up for me on countless things (from different countries so they weren't aware of my (ahem 300 foot high) British reservations about certain things.) I don't want to be the one to tell my MIL not to hold my hand when we walk down the road, and not to give me a massage when we're watching TV, and so on and so on. He deals with his family, I deal with mine. We get on just fine and I actually love them but it's awkward to deal with.

Piffle11 · 04/10/2018 14:15

YANBU. DH's family made my life very stressful when our first DC was born. They would turn up whenever they liked - including just before the baby's bedtime, demanding to see him. They said 'just tell us if it's not convenient (they seemed to be incapable of phoning first, even after we had repeatedly asked) but whenever I did, they would say 'oh we won't stay long' - but of course they did. My life improved dramatically when DH built a big locking fence around our house!

ProfessorMoody · 04/10/2018 14:16

You need to train your dog not to touch your blinds. You could also buy window vinyl that allows you to see out, but no one else to see in.

Even if someone can see me, I don't answer the door to unannounced visitors. I have PTSD and people just turning up would cause me to be very ill.

Original poster
FurryAndObnoxious · 04/10/2018 14:20

DH has told them several times but it's like speaking to a brick wall. I think the fact I'm welcoming isn't helping either but I don't want to be rude. However the amount of times they've called and it's just not been convenient is getting on my tits

OP posts:
Womaningreen · 04/10/2018 14:20

yanbu of course

your DH should def do his best to get them under control

however, I wonder if it's worth telling them you have A&D - I do too and for some people it helps them to see that they ought not to cross lines!!

Womaningreen · 04/10/2018 14:20

cross post

do be rude

say to them "what the hell are you doing here, you've been told to check first". Some people only understand rude!

BewarePregnancyHormones · 04/10/2018 14:23

You need to be firm with them. Tell them that if they don't call first then you won't be letting them in. End of discussion.

And get some blinds fitted 🤦🏼‍♀️

bridgetreilly · 04/10/2018 14:35

You need to start turning them away, OP. "Oh, I'm sorry it's really convenient now. Why not call first to check, so that you don't have a wasted journey next time?" You do NOT need to give a reason why it's inconvenient, it just is. Do not let them past the door.

bridgetreilly · 04/10/2018 14:36

*It's really NOT convenient now!

Prussiablue · 04/10/2018 14:39

Love the Graham Norton solution. Genius. Grin

clearingaspaceforthecat · 04/10/2018 14:47

Stop being so welcoming!
Open the door but stand at the entrance and just tell them that it is not a good time at the moment - trying to settle baby, just going out, expecting someone over etc.
Don't let them in. You can be polite, but need to be firm.

ToadOfSadness · 04/10/2018 14:51

I put my dressing gown on. There is a really nice gentleman (Jehova Witness) who calls every year, apologises for disturbing me and leaves. I am often taking a rest anyway and peer out of the window in case it is a delivery.

Sometimes a towel round my head works too, I just say I was in the bath and shut the door.

PeterIanStaker · 04/10/2018 14:53

My mum does this on most of my days off. I find it intrusive, because I crave solitude when I'm not at work where there are lots of people, it's noisy, and I have to be pleasant all day. Conversely, she craves company because she lives on her own and loves nattering.
I'd be much more welcoming when she gets here if she sent a text, even a few minutes before arriving. It's the feeling of 'What now?' I get every time the doorbell rings in the daytime that instantly puts me in a bad mood Blush

Cheeseplantandpickle · 04/10/2018 14:55

The thing is they're getting mixed messages. Your DH says to text first, they don't but you let them in. (Not your fault, they're being annoying). I think you need to tell them as they won't listen to your partner and if you do want them round sometimes, organised a slot.

HoleyCoMoley · 04/10/2018 14:56

Can you put a door curtain up and some privacy screen on the front window.

notangelinajolie · 04/10/2018 15:08

I once lived in a tiny terraced house that was literally on the street and people passing by often used to nosy in.

I also had a relative that used to visit at all times of the day and there was literally nowhere to hide. There is no way I will ever buy net curtains so in the end I resorted to keeping the curtains permanently closed with the light on - that way I could ignore them till they went away. When asked why my curtains were always shut I said it was to stop people looking in. I don't think they realised I specifically meant them ...

Funkyslippers · 04/10/2018 15:11

There is no need to lie. All you have to do is say that this really isn't a good time for you but if they ring ahead they won't have a wasted journey. Or they'll just keep doing it

ciderhouserules · 04/10/2018 15:12

So basically, you can't put up blinds or curtains, your DH has asked them, they wake the baby - but you are too welcoming?? What can anyone say to you then?

Be rude
Shout at them for waking the baby

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 04/10/2018 15:16

cider harsh but fair. sometimes in life, you just need to say ‘no’.

AnnieANONimouse · 04/10/2018 15:31

Be as rude as you need to be, to stop them being as rude as they’re being 🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s no way I way I’d be blocking out natural light simply because people can see I’m home, just because I’m in my house doesn’t mean I’m sitting around waiting for company. Quite the opposite. Get them better trained. STOP letting them in.

cakecakecheese · 04/10/2018 15:52

Put a note on the door saying 'baby asleep please do not knock'?
Or try this less subtle approach Grin

To send away unannounced visitors?
Tinkerbell89 · 04/10/2018 16:22

I would answer the door and say it's not convenient for visitors as trying to get baby to nap or your busy and that you have told them previously they must call and arrange to come. Keep turning them away until they get the message. Also perhaps your DH needs to enforce it with them and say if they don't phone to arrange then it's reasonable for you to turn them away and they'll need to except that. Also by just turning up they're disrupting your routine with baby in waking him then you can't get him resettled which upsets the rest of the days routine. I hope he would support you in this. I would never allow unannounced guests and would turn them away stating it's not appropriate to just turn up. You shouldnt have to hide in your own home or worry about them. Good luck.

blackteasplease · 04/10/2018 16:39

When I had new babies I would put a (polite) note on the door to ask people not to knock. Delivery people round here tend to bang the door down and there was rarely a need to knock at all as most things were left in the porch at the time of knocking.

MrsClayneCrawford · 04/10/2018 16:45

YANBU.

My rule is if I don't know you are visiting I don't answer the door and I don't care if whoever is knocking sees that I am in.

As PP said, just because you are in doesn't mean that it is convenient to have company.

You can be firm without being rude, just tell them now is not a good time. Be honest, don't make up silly excuses. You shouldn't have to lie to justify how you feel.

LakieLady · 04/10/2018 16:52

Get into your pyjamas and dressing gown around tea time, then answer the door and say you're having an early night/migraine/whatever and are just off to bed.

I bloody hate people turning up unannounced. My house is never "visitor ready", unless visitors are expected!