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Original poster

To ask will my children ever know how loved they are?

136 replies

thewinehasgonetomyhead · 03/10/2018 19:53

Bit of a soppy one I’m afraid. Dd1 is three, dd2 is 5 months. I’m lucky enough to be a SAHM and I love it so much. I wonder if my girls will ever remember these days we share together and if they’ll really know how loved they truly are?

How do you ensure your ankle biters feel the love?

OP posts:
Dontknowwhatimdoing · 03/10/2018 20:31

They won't remember, but they will hopefully grow up feeling confident and secure because they are well loved. Nothing to do with you being a SAHM though, I work full time, and feel exactly the same about my DS.

Cottonsheets · 03/10/2018 20:32

This is lovely.
My little one is two and sometimes I do daft things like tell him that I picked out this vest and pyjamas because I thought he would like the pattern. Or build him a tower of toys. I'll draw him a picture in his book for him to find. His reaction is priceless. I don't think they will remember the details and resigned to the fact they won't appreciate it but they must go towards something bigger?

Bluelady · 03/10/2018 20:34

Maddie 💐

I'm ten years older than you, the last thing my mum said to me was that she loved me. On the days she knew who I was her face used to light up when she saw me. Sweet memories.

BolleauxtoBankers · 03/10/2018 20:35

Mine's in their twenties and been living far, far, away for 5 years now. Just messaged them to tell them how much they are loved, even though they know it, I am happy to reinforce it.

lolalotta · 03/10/2018 20:38

For those of you who have lost your dear Mums ThanksThanksThanks such precious memories, and this thread is making me well up too! I love my DDs soooooooo much, they are 9 and 5 andxtelm them multiple times a day. SmileSmileSmile

tombstoneteeth · 03/10/2018 20:38

I know that mine know by the way they treat their own children. So much love, and their own rituals of childhood are being reiterated - reading each his/her own book every night, "sleepytime music" of their own choice playing in the background, "special time activities" - for one, playing board/card games, for another, walking the dog together and chatting, for the other, baking together every Saturday afternoon. Spontaneous starlight walks in the country just before bed.Youngest not being banned to bed while the older ones stayed up late - instead, she would fall asleep in the hammock of my old velvet dressing gown while we sat on the floor playing draughts. Mine do all of these things with their own...it is delightful to see the love and care.

lolalotta · 03/10/2018 20:38

*and I tell them

lexi727 · 03/10/2018 20:41

I think I cry about 4 times a day about how much I love them 🙄. I don't think our children will ever know how much we love them, until they have children themselves. That's the only way that it's comprehensible I think.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 03/10/2018 20:41

I think that it's only when they grow up, possibly becoming parents themselves, that they realise how much love a parent has for their children. And equally, I didn't realise the depth of feeling I'd have for my grandchild - it's completely different than I had for my DCs, stronger, more powerful if you can believe that.

Villainelle · 03/10/2018 20:42

I think the SAHM bit is just because often as a SAHM you don't really have an awful lot, if anything, outside the family. It's not saying that kids of SAHMs are more loved. It's just about the long days you spend together just you and your toddler and wondering if they'll remember any of it I think for the OP.

BillywigSting · 03/10/2018 20:45

I do the usual things we all do to show ds how much I love him, but I'm not convinced he'll ever really know until /unless he has his own children.

I knew full well before I had dc that my mum (and dad) loved me fiercely and she has been my biggest advocate in life, but I knew ón a deeper level how much she loves me when I had ds.

Then subsequently felt immensely guilty for being a reckless fucker as a teenager and putting my life in serious danger multiple times, like a totally selfish arsehole.

MaryandMichael · 03/10/2018 20:45

I told her all the time (still do) but she really understood when her own dd was born.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/10/2018 20:45

I think I have something on my eye.

My earliest memory is sitting on my mom's lap for a nap after lunch with my head on her chest so I could hear the sound of her heart beat and the hiss of the gas fire and feeling so cosy and safe. I must've been 3 and strongly Suspect mom had a nap too Grin my mom still tells me how much she loves me and how proud she is of me all the time. I'm 51

I hope my girls know how much I love them, not because I tell them (although i do every day) but because they just feel it in their bones.

pallisers · 03/10/2018 20:45

They won't remember events and days really. The early years are so vivid to me but not to my children. What it does do is create a happy family and a happy family life and that is incredibly valuable - you don't need to remember to feel the love all your life.

My sister and I also reared our children and created very similar child-centered homes, very like the way we were reared although we are very different as are our husbands.

Finally, OP, one thing I did was I used to email my parents/in laws with news of the kids from day 1. I copied every single one of those emails into a word document (dated each one) and by the time they were in their teens I had a very funny very evocative diary of their lives. A few years ago when they were mid-late teens, I copied a lot of it into a book (took out the bits where I was complaining about dh or giving the very accurate picture that my head was about to fall out balancing work and children etc) and had it printed/bound (not fancy) as a christmas present for each of them. It was a huge hit. they loved reading about the funny bits, the times they had fought with each other, the times they all vomited at once etc. You could do the same, starting with your lovely opening post.

Mummyof0ne · 03/10/2018 20:47

You sound like a lovely mum.

I'm sure they'll know ❤️

BoardingSchoolMater · 03/10/2018 20:47

Oh my goodness. What a thread. I was a SAHM. When my DC were small, I lived and breathed every second with them. I could tell when they were ill because they had a different smell. Etc, etc, etc.

Nearly 18 years on, I would say that SAHM-ing has nothing do with it. Just being a parent/mother will on the whole (MH issues aside) make you feel this way. It's like being hit by a truck of love. You just have to hope that your DC know this in some obscure way, but I'm not sure any DC appreciates it until they have DC of their own. I certainly didn't, but I do now.

Cottonsheets · 03/10/2018 20:49

Well said Villainelle. I think OP is speaking of the experience she has and knows.

Echobelly · 03/10/2018 20:49

Lots of cuddles and kisses and telling them I love them. And joking with them, and affectionately winding them up! (They are 7 and 10)

cheshireagain · 03/10/2018 20:53

@Strokethefurrywall oh I love that song!
I'm playing it now to my 8mo DS as he falls asleep next to me - La La Lu from Lady and the Tramp is also a favourite.

I love my little boy so much I could cry!
I hope he feels loved, secure and safe.

I hated my childhood, I'm devoting my life to my son's to make sure he's as happy as he can be.

Isitwinteryet · 03/10/2018 20:54

What a lovely thread, I'm in bits! Staring watching my DD sleep on the monitor through my tears, thinking about just how much I love her.

@pallisers That's a lovely idea, wish I'd have read that a year ago! I'm going to go back through my conversations with my own mum (who I sent everything to) and do this I think!

Athena51 · 03/10/2018 20:55

My DS is 24 and I love him more than life and always have. I got pregnant with him soon after my darling dad died unexpectedly and he gave the family and especially my mum the will to carry on. Its nearly three years since I lost my mum and I remember so many wonderful things about her and the love she had for me.

My DS tells me often that he loves me and we're very close. The point of my rambling is that love them and tell them and show them often and they will know. Stopping now because I'm crying like a bloody sap.

April2020mom · 03/10/2018 20:56

I tell my mom that all the time by phone.
We frequently sit down at night time for a long conversation about what’s been happening and discussion of anything else that is on my mind. I remember their birthdays as well (a card is sent) and send them a Christmas present every year. My children make me appreciate my family more often now.

ANNieAnoniMouse · 03/10/2018 20:57

TheWineHasGoneToMyHead

Awww. Sadly I remember very little from my childhood, snippets here and there. I think many people are similar (though others remember loads!). It is sad, I’d love to actually remember more.

However, I believe that everything that happens to us, makes us who we are and I know how much I’m loved by my parents. I grew up in the ‘70’s/80’s we weren’t told we were loved all the time & we were certainly told off enough 🤣. Life wasn’t focussed on us, it went on around us and we were part of that.

What I’m trying to say is, if you love your children they’ll know that without you needing to do anything in particular, just be yourself. They FEEL your love. It’s the little things. you do without realising it.

HellenaHandbasket · 03/10/2018 20:58

Funnily enough, having #3 after a 6 yr gap showed them I think. They have both individually said that they adore him. They can't imagine life without him in it. He is the most important person in their world. Which coming from a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old is high praise. Sometimes they are almost lost for words at how much they love him. (He's 1.) And when they have those moments, I remind them that that is how we feel about them times a million.

They are told multiple times a day just how important they are, and their needs/feelings are paramount, which they know. And they have boundaries to help them stay safe and healthy, which help too I think.

I get cross sometimes of course, but they know how utterly adored they are.

Weedinosaurus · 03/10/2018 21:00

I’m SO glad to read this thread. I thought I was insane for feeling this way and not wanting to crack open the gin and throw them in bed by 6:30. I LOVE my kids